May 18, 2014

Colfax Marathon - Finish Line | Denver Colorado

This is a video of me running to the Half Marathon finish line at City  Park in Denver, CO during the Colfax Marathon weekend on May 18, 2014. 


Oct 2, 2013



Everyone has something that scares the shit out of them. Whether you're terrified of clowns, the dark, or waking up to a stranger standing over your bed, we all have something that generates a reaction ranging from getting goosebumps to screaming in the fetal position. From my experience, a lot of these fears come from what we were subjected to as a child, in particular, horror movies. I will share with you some of the movies that freaked me out when I was a little boy. I will share with you some of the movies that freaked me out when I was tossing and turning in my bed just the other day. Tonight, I will share with you Movies That Give Me Nightmares.

For all you judgmental bastards out there, check your hat, coat, and attitude at the door. Here are some criteria for my analysis:

  1. This is not a ranking of the greatest horror movies of all time.
  2. This is not a ranking of the scariest movie moments of the scariest movies of all time.
  3. This is a list of either a scene, idea, monster, or fear that has been instilled upon me due to watching the movie countless times.
  4. This is my list...you don't have to agree with me. But I welcome your feedback, as always.
  5. This is not a list proclaiming that I am one of those people that are easily scared, but in all honesty, there are some things that blow my brains out of the back of my head whenever I think of them. So don't call me a pussy, unless you want it to come back on you ten-fold.
  6. This is a list where I will start from the bottom and work my way up.
Arachnophobia


I have only sat down and watched Arachnophobia once. I'll never watch it again. When I watched it, I felt like I was covered in a million mosquito bites, and every time I had an itch, I thought it was a spider crawling on me. Because of this movie, I hate spiders. I step on them any chance I get. They scare the piss out of me. I don't turn into a screaming 10-year old girl if I happen to see one run across the floor, but the thought does pass through my mind. The absolutely worst time for me to deal with spiders is during the late summer/early fall when I'm cutting the grass in my backyard. There is a giant family of hairy wolf spiders that lives in my backyard, and waits for me to walk by their nest so that they can jump out at me when I come by with my lawnmower. I had one jump out at me one time when I ran over it's web on the ground and I think I jumped at least 10-feet in the air when I saw it. The summer of 2007 was the "Attack of the Spiders." Thanks, Arachnophobia.


Open Water


Anyone that knows me is well aware that my #1 fear in the world is sharks. I'll dive into this creep show much further down the list. Open Water is one of those Indie-type movies that slipped under the radar for most people. The movie is about a husband and wife that go scuba diving and are forgotten about and left behind in shark invested waters. Think Jaws meets Blair Witch Project. I actually saw this movie in the theatres when it came out, and I was freaked out to take a shower - yes, a shower - after I saw the movie. I will never get in the ocean, that is a given, but this movie makes me think twice about getting in a swimming pool.


Signs


My fear that comes from Signs has generated a lot of criticism from friends in the past. By definition, it isn't really a horror film, but it does have one scene that made my face go completely numb when I saw it the first time. In preparation for this blog, I snatched up the Youtube clip I am about to show you, and it still gives me the chills every time I watch it. Words won't really do it justice, so here is the footage. To set the scene, the world is under the sneaking suspicion that they are under attack by something, but there hasn't been any footage to justify their beliefs until the following scene emerged:


To top it off, I once walked out of my parent's house in the fall and saw a deer do the "Signs Walk" in between two cars that were parked in the driveway. This was another time where I jumped at least 10-feet in the air.

Raw Head Rex


My boogieman is Raw Head Rex. I watched this movie multiple times growing up. If I was a bad boy, my family would give me death threats that "Raw Head Rex was going to get me." And good god, what little kid would not shit his or her pants at the mere though of being attacked by this demon? Every once in awhile, I will have a normal dream that will suddenly cut scene, and I am warped into the house I grew up in, hiding behind a tan rocking chair, peeking out over the side, only to see Raw Head Rex come sprinting towards me from down the hallway. Yikes.




Child's Play


Chuckie gave me nightmares for about a year back in 1992 when I was in the second grade. I was in the phase of my life where I was sleeping in my own bed, but sometimes would get scared and have to sleep with my parents. Chuckie was the reason for this, and literally gave me nightmares every single night for at least a year. As a joke, when Child's Play 2 came out, by dad thought it would be funny to take a My Buddy doll (whom has a similar resemblance to Chuckie,) cut his hand off, and replace it with a butter knife duct-taped to his arm (to replicate what happened to Chuckie in the movie.)


This didn't really set well with me and led to a few more months of sleeping with mom and dad. If my memory serves correct, this was also the time that Snick At Night was going down, and I would go to bed watching Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Blair Witch Project


Another movie that I occasionally get heat for, Blair Witch Project has a scene at the end of the movie that is a total mind-fuck for me. The whole movie isn't really that creepy except for the last 10 seconds of it. As depicted in the picture above, the last climatic scene shows one of the guys standing in the corner of the room. The reason this messes with my mind so much is because I picture this scene every time I go into my parent's basement, or any basement for that matter. Every single time. They have a basement that is 75% finished, but every time I go down there I imagine some crazy dude standing in the corner, waiting to scare the Hell out of me, and he does. This will never escape my mind. If you have a basement and saw this movie when it came out, I'm sure you can agree.


Exorcist


The Exorcist movie is rated by many to be the scariest movie of all time. Similar to Arachnophobia, I have only seen this movie all the way through maybe once or twice. In general, the movie is fucking scary. Hands down. But one scene especially, the infamous "Spider Walking" scene, melts my face whenever I see it. The same applies to any sort of spider walking scene in any movie. I'll even take The Ring girl crawling out of the TV, even though she does a decent spider walk in The Ring 2 up a well. If you want to see me jump out of my seat and turn into the Tourettes Guy, then show me some spider walking. Here is what I am talking about, and be warned, it is pretty disturbing.


Halloween


One of my personal favorite horror movies of all time is Halloween. In my opinion, it is the classic example of what a horror movie should be. It has the monster, the creepy music, the death scenes, and the nightmares to follow. At least once a month, I have a random nightmare where I am trapped in a broken down house at night, it is always raining, Michael Myers is out to kill me, and for the entire course of the dream, whether it be four hours or 4 minutes, I know I am going to die in the end.


I am not lying when I say I have it once a month. It's one of those things where sometimes I am miraculously able to wake myself up before the inevitable occurs, get up and get something to drink, wash my face off, fall back asleep, and for some god-damned reason, the hellish-nightmare picks up right where it left off.

Paranormal Activity


Paranormal Activity is one of the - if not the scariest movies - I have ever seen. I give it this ranking because for me, it is scary, because it is the most "real" out of the bunch of horror movies I have seen. I saw this movie in the theatres as well. Right when the movie was over, and the screen went to black, the entire audience was silent. Nobody got up and left for at least 30 seconds. During the 30 second period, I was repeating, "What the fuck - what the fuck - what the FUCK!" over and over in my head. I actually had tears running out of my eyes and snot dripping out of my nose when it was over. The entire car ride home, I had teary eyes just thinking about the movie. I've never been creeped out to come home and walk inside my house, but I was that night. And I sure as shit didn't go to bed that night. I forced myself to stay awake til 6am-ish until I was able to face plant on my bed and slip into a coma. The whole thing about this movie is that it attacks the inner-fear of sleeping. The fear of waking up with someone, or something else...being in the room with you. The fear of hearing a loud noise in the middle of the night and wondering whether it's the hundreds of pounds of snow on your roof, or possibly someone moving around upstairs when you thought you were alone. The Blair Witch Project guy standing in the corner of your room. Then take all of those and multiply it by infinite. I really don't think I could watch this movie again. I want to, but I just don't think I could. One last thing that freaks me out about this movie, and if you have seen it, you will know what I'm referring to. There is a scene in the movie where the chick gets up out of bed and is found by her boyfriend outside on the patio. There have been a number of times that I have gone to bed, in my bed, and woken up on the couch or somewhere else with no clue how I got there. Sometimes Coors Light is to blame. Other times, in my mind, it's the demons. Or how about the scene where her leg lifts up out of the bed...right before she is ________ by the __________ and it is one of the scariest _______ _______ I have ever ________ seen in my life. The other night I woke up and my arm was pointing straight up in the air, kind of like the Nazi-Hitler salute. Why in the hell would my arm be doing this. Insert poopy pants here: _________



Jaws


To top off my list, I bring you Jaws.

There is a creature alive today, who has survived millions of years of evolution. Without change. Without passion. And without logic. It lives...to kill. A mindless eating machine. It will attack - and devour - anything. It is as if God created the devil...and gave him...JAWS.

This movie is the reason that I am deathly afraid of sharks, the water, the Jaws theme songs, playing the Jaws Nintendo game, and anything and everything that has to do with getting killed by a shark. Unlike most of the other movies on my list, Jaws is a movie that I actually embrace. If there is ever a show on TV that has to do with a shark, I am watching it. I love Shark Week. Shows like I Survived, I Shouldn't Be Alive, I was Bitten, You're Worst Animal Nightmares, and so on, are programs I love to watch. Granted, I might have to keep my feet up on the couch (so a shark doesn't swim in my living room and bite my feet) but I watch it. Watching these shows is a very bittersweet thing. I am fascinated by the killing machine that is the Great White, but in no way, shape, or form would I ever want to be near one. I constantly joke that if I were to go cage diving with Great Whites, which I never will, but if I were to, that I would die of a heart attack as soon as I hit the water jumping into the cage. I just can't imagine coming across a monster 18-foot long shark with teeth as big as my head that wants to kill me. My ultimate fear is to be trapped in shark invested waters and be eaten alive by a great white shark.


So there you have it, folks. I would love to hear any stories you may have about movies that scare the shit out of you as well. If you decide to comment, just remember the criteria.
Jul 17, 2012

How To: Bacon

















Step #1 - Watch the video.
Step #2 - Eat bacon.





Jun 26, 2012

Run For Your Lives - Indiana


RUN FOR YOUR LIVES 5K - INDIANA. JUNE 23, 2012.

WATCH

THIS

VIDEO

Jun 23, 2012

HARNEY PEAK ZOMBIE FORTRESS




There is no safer place to be than at the top of Harney Peak in the event of a Level 5 Zombie Apocalypse. Here is a video I captured as I climbed to the top of this zombie safe haven during my Wild West Adventure in June 2012. In case you didn't know, Harney Peak is the tallest point east of the Rockies until you get to some pile of dead cows and small children in India. I sped this video up and got it down to about 11 minutes to give ya'll an idea of what it looks like to go from the bottom to the top. It takes the normal person 3 hours to climb to the summit. I did it in 1.5 hours. Don't say it, I already know that I am awesome. To make this video even more kickass, I tossed in some Led Zep for the soundtrack. So crack open a case of beer and watch this video. For your viewing pleasure, I cranked this badboy up to 1080p HD. So let it load and then play it full blast. Action. Adventure. Zombies. Led Zep. Beer. It doesn't get much better than that, folks. Enjoy.






Jun 22, 2012

The Color Run - Orange




Here is a video I made from The Color Run last weekend. I played around with the slow motion a little when I edited it. Watch it in HD for full awesomeness.


Jun 15, 2012

Where Do They Get Those Peepers?!


I drove thru Nebraska last week and it eerily reminded me of a scene straight out of Jeepers Creepers. Check out the video below. It is only a little over a minute long. Make sure you turn the speakers on because I added the "Jeepers Creepers" song into the video so you can understand what I'm talking about with the whole scary movie thing. Near the end of the movie a car drives by that looks like the creepy van that the bat creature from the movie drove too. Enjoy!

May 29, 2012

Miami Zombie Attack

NEWSFLASH: Zombie Attack in Miami!

This past Memorial Day Weekend, most of us sat by a pool, grilled some tasty BBQ on the grill, and enjoyed the wonderful weather with friends and family. The key word here is most. For one unfortunate dude, Memorial Day weekend transpired into a full blown ZOMBIE ATTACK!


:: cue the music :: 




I'm not getting paid by the word so I'll cut straight to the chase. On 5/26 in Miami, Florida, a naked zombie attacked another guy and basically ate his face off. Per a reporter, "He had no face left... he was unrecognizable after the attack." 

The cops showed up eventually and told the zombie to stop eating the guy's face. The zombie said "nay" and the cop shot him. The single bullet didn't stop the zombie... naturally because he was not shot in the head... and so the cop had to shoot the zombie several more times before he finally stopped and was presumably shot in the head. Below are videos for the news story, highway footage from the scene, and a friendly reminder from the gov't on how to prepare for a zombie attack. 

May 9, 2012

Who's Your Zombie Apocalypse Team?

Kenny Powers / Chuck Norris / Batman FTW


Mar 26, 2012

Happy Oberon Day 2012!


Christmas in March! It is officially summertime!

The wait is over: Oberon Ale has returned. A refreshing wheat ale fermented with our signature ale yeast, Oberon Ale signals the end of the winter doldrums. http://www.bellsbeer.com/