May 25, 2011

[Michael knocks on bathroom stall door]

Big Joe Grizzly: Hey, buddy, just to give you a heads up, I got a taco supreme talking back at me, so I'm going to be a while. So do you mind waiting somewhere else and let me pass this beast in peace?

[Michael knocks again]

Big Joe Grizzly: Look, brother... if you're looking for some kind of action, you better take it on the arches before I'm done dropping this load. Or you're going to be one sorry A-hole.

[Michael doesn't leave, still stands at stall entrance]

Big Joe Grizzly: Okay... you just hold on, Daisy. I've got something for you.

[unsheathes knife, opens door]

Big Joe Grizzly: Let me introduce myself. I'm Joe Grizzly, bitch! And I'm gonna cut that goddamn mask right off your face, you...

This is the magical #600 blog post on The Cow Show. Bloggers like to celebrate landmark posts in the 100s for some strange reason – So tonight, I feel like jumping off that same bridge.

[Soundtrack: Blind Guardian – “Mr. Sandman]

To honor the night that started it all, here is a little recap of my Welcome Speech and Introduction Video that I selected to introduce the reign of terror that has taken place since 11/11/09.

So I broke down and purchased an iPhone a few months ago. Without going into too much detail, it has been one of the "highlights" of 2009. On the home screen of this wonderful toy is a 'Notes' app. It basically lets you create To-Do lists in hopes that you will be able to organize an otherwise unorganized life. Immediately after dropping a few hundred bucks on this new toy, I powered up the device and mashed my fingers on this notes thing to start adding random tasks to complete and shit I wanted to do in the near future. First I created the 'To-Do' list. This is where I will list things that I need to accomplish soon, such as pay bills, renew prescriptions, clean house, clean car, random thing that I will not ever do but I'll put it on the list anyways, and so on. Next, I setup a 'Groceries' list. 54 cases of diet pop, Axe body wash, Q-tips, dog treats. Done. After that, I made a 'Goal' list. On my goal list was run a marathon, kick ass on a daily basis, and create a sarcastic blog. Why I put those items on there, I have no idea. But I've got the first one scratched off x2, the second I would like to think I fit in there somewhere, but the third item brings us to where we are today. So I finally broke down and started this shindig up, and lord knows where this will go. This whole internets fad really has perked my interest. And the Marketing/Entrepreneurship degree that’s burning a hole in my wall tells me that e-marketing is the way to go - so I'll give this a shot. I like to write, my ADHD tells me to write, I have a lot of crazy stories I wouldn't mind sharing, and I'm getting bored with commenting on everyone's Facebook status with some sort of judgmental-witty-critical-thumbs up-check out this video-I hate your team-you are a moron-thumbs down-you are a genius-::Insert Family Guy quote or South Park joke here-type of response. So as the Cryptkeeper would say, "Here we go Boys and Ghouls." Buckle up and enjoy the ride. Titties and beer. Hookers and blow. ROCK.

I guess it is pretty cool to know that I have done something 600 times. To celebrate this historic evening, I put together a list of “600” factoids that are actually kind of cool. I challenge everyone that reads this (and yeah, that includes the 2,000+ people that went to my site last weekend to look at the Governator’s Love Child) to memorize at least one stupid fact off the list below and then bust it out in the elevator tomorrow morning in a valiant effort to kill the 15 second awkward silence with a group of coworkers.


Going up?


What floor, sir?


[Pushes button]


[Clears throat and begins to speak in 1940s WWII radio announcer voice]

Excuse me, see, but did you know that in the year 600, Pope Gregory I codifies what comes to be known as Gregorian chant? Bah! Didn’t think so! You’re not gonna get the best of us this time, Hitlerrrrrrr!


[Doors open]

[Moonwalk out of elevator, exit stage left]


· Today is May 25, 2011 so that means that 600 days before today would be October 2, 2009.

· Today is May 25, 2011 so that means that 600 days from today would be January 14, 2013.

· 600 (six hundred) is the natural number following 599 and preceding 601.

· 600 is a pronic number and a Harshad number (603 = 32 × 67).

· 600 in Binary Code = 1001011000

· 600 in Roman Numerals = DC

· In the United States, a credit score of 600 or below is considered a poor score, thus limiting available credit (or requiring the borrower to pay higher interest rates).

· 600 is also the advertised number of miles that NASCAR runs in the Coca-Cola 600, the longest race on any of the NASCAR circuits.

· Facebook Has More Than 600 Million Users

In the year 600…

· The population of the Earth rises to about 208 million people.

· The earliest references to chess are found in the Persian work Karnamak-i-Artakhshatr-i-Papakan, and the Indian works of Subandhu's Vasavadatta and Banabhatta's Harsha Charitha.

· Pope Gregory I codifies what comes to be known as Gregorian chant.

· In the year 600 AD Pope Gregory the Great decreed "God bless You" as the religiously correct response to a sneeze.

Bible stuff

· David gave to Ornan 600 shekels of gold to buy his site in order to build there an altar to Yahweh. (1 Ch 21,25)

· The head of the spear of Goliath weighed 600 shekels of iron. (1 S 17,7)

· A chariot was imported from Egypt for 600 silver shekels. (1 K 10,29)

· The king Solomon made 200 great shields of beaten gold, 600 shekels of gold going into one shield. (1 K 10,16)

· Shamgar challenged 600 Philistines with an ox-goad and saved Israel. (Jg 3,31)

· The Pharaoh made harness 600 chariots when his army dashed off in pursuit of the people of Israel during its exit of Egypt. (Ex 14,7)

· Age of Noah when the flood began. (Gn 7,11)

· The number 600 is used 25 times in the Bible.

· The sum of the occurrences of all numbers of the Old Testament multiple of 8 and written in their cardinal form gives 600 by counting "ten thousand times ten thousand" (Dn 7,10) as being an additional number equal to 100000000.

600 Homerun Club

· Barry Bonds (762 homeruns)

· Hank Aaron (755 homeruns)

· Babe Ruth (714 homeruns)

· Willie Mays (660 homeruns)

· Ken Griffey Jr. (630 homeruns)

· Alex Rodriguez (622 homeruns)

· Sammy Sosa (609 homeruns)

Michigan Wolverines Football

· 600 + 284 = 884. Michigan has the most all-time wins and the highest winning percentage in college football history.