Jan 31, 2011

It's Showtime!

This is pretty cool.

Jan 30, 2011

Triple Marathon Death March

I activated my membership at the gym tonight. Training for the Lake Tahoe Triple Marathon Death March officially begins tomorrow.

The 16th Lake Tahoe Marathon Weekend
  • September 23-25, 2011
  • 3 days
  • 72 hours
  • 78.6 miles
Jan 28, 2011

Rock. It. Man. [Redux]

On 24th May 1964, Jim Templeton, a fireman from Carlisle in the North of England, took his young daughter out to the marches overlooking the Solway Firth to take some photographs. Nothing untoward happened, although both he and his wife noticed an unusual aura in the atmosphere.
There was a kind of electric charge in the air, though no storm came. Even nearby cows seemed upset by it.

Some days later Mr Templeton got his photographs processed by the chemist, who said that it was a pity that the man who had walked past had spoilt the best shot of Elizabeth holding a bunch of flowers. Jim was puzzled. There had been nobody else on the marshes nearby at the time.

But sure enough, on the picture in question there was a figure in a silvery white space suit projecting at an odd angle into the air behind the girl's back, as if an unwanted snooper had wrecked the shot.

The case was reported to the police and taken up by Kodak, the film manufacturers, who offered free film for life to anyone who could solve the mystery when their experts failed.

It was not, as the police at first guessed, a simple double exposure with one negative accidentally printed on top of another during processing. It was, as Chief Superintendent Oldcorn quickly concluded, just "one of those things... a freak picture."

A few weeks later Jim Templeton received two mysterious visitors. He had never heard of MIBs: the subject was almost unknown in Britain then. But the two men who came to his house in a large Jaguar car wore dark suits and otherwise looked normal. The weird thing about them was their behavior.

They only referred to one another by numbers and asked the most unusual questions as they drove Jim out to the marshes. They wanted to know in minute detail about the weather on the day of the photograph, the activities of local bird life and odd asides like that.

Then they tried to make him admit that he had just photographed an ordinary man walking past. Jim responded politely, but nevertheless rejected their idea, at which they became irrationally angry and hustled themselves into the car, driving off and leaving him. The fire officer had to hike five miles across country to get home.


by Landon Howell

Owner & Editor - juiceenewsdaily.com


Jan 27, 2011


Jan 25, 2011


Welp. The football Gods took a night off and let my Green Bay Packers end up in the Super Bowl. The next two weeks will be dedicated to football, cheese, and the Super Bowl. To kick things off, here is the catchy "Go Pack Go" chant that I will be humming for the foreseeable future.

Jan 22, 2011

Rant of the Week: Taco Death

Rant of the Week: Taco Death

I can count the number of times I've eaten fast food in the past 3 years on both of my meat paws. It is a straight and narrow line that I walk. Every once in awhile, partially due to an empty fridge and the clock reading 2am, I settle for the South of the Border alternative. I don't normally eat fast-food. But when I do, I eat Taco Bell.

An old entrepreneurship professor I had happened to be the ex-VP of something at Taco Bell. He told us that the "average" lifetime customer spends $40,000 at Taco Bell during the course of their life. That's no typo, friend, $40,000. And that is the average customer. Four times a week. $40,000 a lifetime. I was always mind boggled by this fact until my trip to Taco Bell last night. I got the grumbles in my tummy at midnight and after the thought occurred to me that I had not eaten anything the previous day, I set out to Taco Death with visions of Beefy Crunch Burritos dancing in my head.

Back to the whole lifetime customer thing, I never could understand how someone could spend so much money - like a year's salary, at a fast-food joint. But last night, this all became quite clear. As I pulled up to the drive-thru, I put my car in park behind several stoners. My own beliefs are that anyone that goes to Taco Bell after midnight - besides yours truly - are stoners. Anyways, the car in front of me pulled up to the order box thingy. And sat there for 10 minutes. He had to open his car door because the window did not roll down, as seen below.

So after I nudge my car up as close as I can to this joker's bumper and flash my brights, he finally completes his order. My order takes about 10 seconds, and I pull around. Taco Bell has this nifty device hanging on the wall right under the drive-thru window that displays the total price for your order. The dude in front of me ordered $30 worth of shit. No fucking wonder people drop $40k on this place. One person and $30 worth of tacos? Really? Of course it took forever to make the shit because he ordered every random food item that wasn't sitting around the place in a pot of beans for the last 3 hours. All I wanted was my damned beefy crunch burritos. And it took way longer than it should have taken to achieve my objective. I would have harpooned the son of a bitch if I would have had a trident handy. But I didn't. Such is life.
Jan 21, 2011

Gnome Mercy

Two things:

1. I'm going to have this song stuck in my head for days.
2. By some freak of nature, I still know every word to this song.
Jan 20, 2011

Name This Gnome Contest

PorkRice got me this badass little creature for my birthday. Now he needs a name. Name this gnome. The winner will receive one of several Subway Club Cards that is stockpiled in my wallet. The contest ends on Saturday night at 11:59pm EST. If you are out of state, I will mail the card to you. Good luck.
Jan 18, 2011

Forgotten 80s Nintendo Games

Jan 16, 2011

Life Lessons with Deputy Cow #3

Tonights Life Lesson focuses on trying to get a job. I have discovered that there are many important aspects throughout the process that are crucial to scoring the job that you are after. I will admit that I'm not an expert on this topic by any means, but hopefully some of the things I dive into will help you pursue the American Dream at some point in your life. I'll get to all of that in a moment, but first, I want to talk about where I believe we are at as a society in whole as it relates to this subject.

I grew up with the preconceived notion that after I finished school and became a big boy, I would go work for somebody for 30 years and then retire on a gold mine and spend the rest of my days counting said gold mine. My reasoning for this was because that's what my grandparents did, that's what other people's grandparents did, and that's what I thought would happen. To an extent, I was correct. My grandparents and other grandparents out there were part of "The Greatest Generation" that grew up eating mustard sandwiches and wearing potato sacks for clothes through the Great Depression, fought the Nazi bastards in WWII (fun fact: my grandpa was stationed with Elvis Presley and became a ping pong/pool God amongst men), boomed lots of babies, and went on to work for a factory for 30 years, got a nice gold watch, retired, and counted gold coins. The Greatest Generation spawned the Baby Boomers that in turn spawned Generation Y, aka me.

Fast forward to my sophomore year at UD. I found myself sitting in my first Entrepreneurship course and listening to my professor lecture about how the "average" ENT graduate would have approximately 15-20 jobs before settling down and starting their own business. That pretty much shot my whole perception of working for one place my whole life right out the window. The explanation for this piece of data (DAY-ta) was that the average entrepreneur would constantly be challenged taking orders from someone, have a desire to mix things up after awhile and seek out new opportunities, or just get bored with where they were at after a few years. So gone are the days of working somewhere for 30 years and retiring. I'm sure it is still possible, but highly unlikely. For instance, in the past 10 years, I have had 7 different jobs. These range from bagging groceries in high school to climbing the Corporate America ladder for the last 3 years.

So, back to the actual lesson and getting a job. It is a painful process. The economy sucks. Dayton, Ohio sucks. Despite all of those things, there are a couple of ideas I believe could help you increase your chances of getting a job. And here we go.

Before you even start looking for a job, you need to create a resume. I'm not really going to go into Resume 101 at this time, but make sure that you proofread the hell out of it and customize it for each job application. A general template would look something like this:


To obtain a position where I can maximize my expertise in A, B, and C where I can make a positive contribution to the XYZ organization.


University of [blah] [Graduation Date]
Bachelor of Science in Business Administration, [$100,000 piece of paper hanging on wall]

[High School] [Graduation Date]


Company. Title. 1/1/08 - present.
Job duties
Job duties
Job duties

Company. Title. 1/1/07 - 12/31/07.
Job duties
Job duties
Job duties


List of stuff that you are good at...


MS Office and anything else you know.

List of things you did, awards you won, places you volunteered at, and things like that. This part is important.

References/Letters of Recommendation/Supporting Documentation available upon request.
Cover Letter
I'm not really sure how beneficial these things are, but I recommend writing them up. Similar to the resume, tailor it towards the job you are trying to get. Another template:

To whom it may concern:

I have over five years of experience in the fields of A, B, and C. Throughout my education and career, I have gained a tremendous amount of skills [doing the stuff that this job will ask me to do.] My experiences have also allowed me to [more examples of things from the jobs qualifications list.]

In order to achieve such a high level of performance, I have utilized the knowledge gained from my professional experience and a [degree from XYZ school.] During my education and career, I have effectively [list of skills and experiences that cover the parts of the job requirements that you didn't mention in the first paragraph.] My salary requirement is negotiable based on the job responsibilities and the total compensation package.

Thank you for taking the time to review my resume and qualifications. Please call me at [phone] or via e-mail at [email address] to further discuss this position and schedule an interview. I would be delighted to share any additional information with you or answer any questions you may have in regards to my background. Again, thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.


Post Resume/Cover Letter
Start looking for jobs. Indeed, Monster, Career Builder, your school's career site, etc. are good places to start.

The Application
After you submit the application, look for a number or contact so that you can follow-up on your application. This is important because it shows that you are interested and might help get your foot in the door or at least let you know where you stand.

The Interview
I highly suggest Googling "interview questions and answers" just so you get a good idea of what is going to happen when you go in for an interview. Off the top of my head, make god damned sure you can answer these questions:

  • Tell me about yourself.
  • What are your strengths?
  • What are your weaknesses?
  • What do you know about this company/position?
  • Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
  • Why should we hire you?

I can't write the answers to those questions for you, but at the very least, make sure you can answer the "Tell me about yourself" question. Make it short, sweet, and applicable to the job you are interviewing for. Make sure you spend time thinking about this a few days before the interview and that you can actually talk about yourself when asked. Don't ramble on and on and on, but make sure it is a solid statement.

After you interview with someone, make sure you send them a Thank You card ASAP. If you know you are getting the interview, I would suggest going to the store and getting a card and writing out the thank you note, and leave room at the bottom to mention something specific that came out of the interview. For some reason, this really helps. I personally think thank you cards are bullshit, but necessary, and case in point... I interviewed for an internship, killed the interview, and did not get the job until after I sent the thank you card... and that was the only thing holding it up.

Reality Check
What it all really comes down to is who you know. If you have some sort of inside connection for a job, your chances of getting the job are 1000% greater if the person on the other side of the table has some sort of connection with you. For example, I interviewed for a summer job in during college and had no experience doing the job I was applying for. At the bottom of my resume, I had a line that mentioned I played Rugby at UD. As it turns out, the owner of the company - that just happened to be the guy that was interviewing me - worked out at a gym and had a personal trainer that happened to be my rugby coach. The interview went like this:

Oh, I see here that you play rugby at UD? Do you know ---?
Yeah, he's my coach.
You're hired.

Lesson: Knowing the 7 P's will increase your chance of getting a job. Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

Jan 13, 2011

Brady Hoke, Motivational Speaker

Can't help but think of the Chris Farley skit whenever I hear this guy speak...

Jan 11, 2011

Rant of the Week: Lost Voice

Rant of the Week: Lost Voice

I lose my voice once a year. Now is that time of the year. What causes this to happen is unknown to me. Usually, I have a nagging whooping cough throughout December that destroys my vocal cords. Such is the case today. It sucks because I take the ability to speak for granted. Now, it's an inconvenience that I must deal with. During my senior year of college, I completely lost my voice for 3 months. It turned out to be a root canal/crown mishap, that I probably could have sued over, but there wasn't a throat specialist in the world that could tell me why I couldn't speak. It always comes during the worst times. For instance, I had an interview today over the phone. I had to start the conversation off with "first of all, I would like to say apologize about my voice, I seemed to have lost it." I also have to talk more on a given day than I would prefer, so I have to do it with a raspy voice that cracks every 5 words like I'm going through puberty all over again. There isn't a cherry-flavored throat capsule in the world that can save me now. FML.
Jan 7, 2011

Mike Leach = WIN!

There is a lot of coaching speculation out there these days. Here is my ultimate #1 pick for coach of anything. Mike Leach is a friggin' genious. And that's probably because he sounds a lot like me.

Dating Tips Round 1

Dating Tips Round 2

Weather Forecast

How To of the Week: Foot Odor

How To of the Week: Foot Odor

There are two ways you can get stinky shoes.
  • You wear the same shoes every day and after awhile, they start to smell like shit.
  • You step in shit.

I've experienced both scenarios more often than I would like to admit. Currently, I am battling Scenario #2. I stepped in shit. I scrubbed the shoes off with water. I walked aimlessly around in the snow in hopes to rub the crap off. Last night, I even threw the shoes in the washer. After I dried them off, I took a whiff, and wah-la... they still smell (or smelt for those idiots out there) like shit.

So when I was at work today, I asked this guy...

... if he knew how to get rid of the stinky ass shoe smell. And he told me to put my shoes in the freezer. Nope. No way. I've never heard of this before.

So I Googled it.


Well kiss my fucking ass. Just when you think you know it all. So now I present to you:

How to get rid of Foot Odor
  • Put shoes in freezer?

Simple and sweet. I've got mine cookin' in the icebox as we speak. We'll see how this plays out.
Jan 2, 2011

My 2010 goals:

  1. Go on at least two epic adventures that will be told for generations to come
  2. Join the Marathon Maniacs club
  3. Fine tune my manliness

I ended up going on several epic adventures, which have been detailed throughout the contents of this blog. As far as epic travel adventures are concerned, surviving the horror movie in Indiana, running a marathon in Memphis, and living the high life in Texas for a weekend fall under this resolution.

I ran two marathons in April in a 24-hour period to join the ranks of the Marathon Maniacs.

Fine tuning my manliness was a day-to-day effort that I lived to the fullest in 2010. More to come on this later in another post.

My 2011 goals:

  1. Sell my house
  2. Run a triple marathon
  3. Go on a hunting expedition

Here's to a new year, folks. If you don't have a resolution(s) yet, now is the time to come up with one.