Sep 20, 2010

Rant of the Week: Grocery Stores

Rant of the Week: Grocery Stores

I’ve learned to deal with these types of things because it is a fact of life. There are idiots out there. Plain and simple. But lately, there have been two certain things that happen every single time I am at the store make me instantly see red.

Situation #1

I bust into the store, grab a cart, and dart to points A, B, and C. I have a predetermined path drawn out in my mind of where I need to go to get the things I need as fast as possible so I can get the hell out of there. And then Situation #1 shows its ugly face – Somebody gets in my way. The particular type of person that gets in my way doesn’t really seem to be consistant except for the fact that they are in my way. Usually it is either:

  • a person that has no idea of their surroundings or that someone might be behind them
  • a slow walker
  • an elderly person/couple
  • a mom with kids that she has absolutely no control over
  • or an obese fatass riding on a motorized cart because they are too fat and lazy to walk

I make my presence known by skimming the side of their cart, cruising passed them as quick as possible, and letting out some sort of disgruntled sigh.

Situation #2

This one happens every single time I check out at the grocery store. It probably happens to you, too. After I unload the cart, I make the inevitable eye contact with the cashier. And then Situation #2 happens.

Did you find everything okay?


How the fuck am I supposed to answer this question? If I didn’t find everything okay, wouldn’t I still be shopping? Surely I wouldn’t wait in line just to ask a cashier where they stayed their supply of Coors Light. No, I didn’t find everything. I just gave up. Check me out. Or maybe I did find everything okay, hence why I am trying to buy the crap and get out of the store. Even if I answer “yes” where does it go from there? Oh! Cool beans! I’m am capable of walking into a store and finding the stuff I want. Winner winner chicken dinner. Good story. Did I find everything okay. Ugg. Who fucking cares if I did? Surely the cashier isn’t going to lose sleep over it. I didn’t come to the store to chit chat. Maybe I’ll make something up next time and see how they react to it.

Did you find everything okay?

Well you know, I’m glad you asked. I was looking for a gimp suit and a ball gag for later on tonight after the game, but I’ll be damned if you guys don’t carry it.

Did you find everything okay?

Hell no I didn’t. My buddy just lost a bet and now he has to eat 10 lbs of bull testicles. Could you page the butcher? I really need these bull testicles.