Jul 30, 2010

Horiscope Karma?

I was debating on whether or not I wanted to take my new coveted iPhone into the Circle of Hell mosh pit at the KoRn/Rob Zombie concert that as I am writing this will technically kick of in 18 hours. Then I read my horoscope for the day...

Today you should keep your wits about you when it comes to possessions that are very valuable to you. Some losses of valuable possessions are indicated today. In general today keep a mental inventory of your precious objects and make sure they are safe.


Just When I Thought I Knew It All...

[Soundtrack: Styx - "Miss America"]

JMFG once shared a heart-felt story with me about how a woman gave birth to a baby one day...

This woman, HOWEVA, apparently did not put any sort of rational thought as to what she would name her kid, so instead she left it up for grabs while she was laying in her bed after shooting a living creature out of her vagina. After the birth, the woman delivered the placenta.

Before I go any further, please allow me to state that there are a lot of things in this world that I am completely insensitive to watching, understanding, and/or believing. For whatever reason, I can watch someone get shot point-blank in the face with a shotgun, ran over by a semi, eaten by a grizzly bear, or decapitated by a guillotine due to some freak magic trick on Youtube or Faces of Death or whatever and it doesn't really affect me. And trust me, I have seen a whole lot. But the mere thought of a placenta, or a sack filled with goo and juices and God knows what else, is something that I can't sit down and eat a plate stacked full of pizza rolls thinking about.

So back to the new mom. She's laying in a bed, just gave birth to a baby, and doesn't know what to name her kid. I'm going to assume that this pla-placent-placenta wasn't really part of her game-plan, let alone acknowledging the fact that she would have to shoot this thing out after plopping out a kid. So she delivers the placenta. After hearing the nurse mumble something along the lines of, "That's a 10-4, the egg is in the nest, the PLACENTA has landed," this idiot mom likes the sound of that word. So she goes and names her kid "Placenta." I have heard lots of stories, seen plenty of crazy shit, but as far as this situation goes... I have no words.

Some people will actually deliver a placenta and then take the bloody sack of goo and plant it under a tree and call it a "Birth Tree." The nutrients from the bag of whatever are symbolized and even idolized through the representation of this tree that is growing over a disgusting mass of... disgusting mass. In addition, and even worse, is the people I would consider to be cannibals/mentally insane, you know, the ones that will actually take the placenta and fry it up and eat it likes it's a Salisbury steak.

Again, I have no words. Just when I thought I knew it all...

2011. Cartoon Network. Thundercats. HOOOO!

Jul 29, 2010

Christmas in July

After experiencing every possible emotion, including, but not limited to:
  • Joy
  • Sadness
  • Trust
  • Disgust
  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Surprise
  • Anticipation

... I finally got my iPhone 4.

Today was a day of materialism. I'm not one that is materialistic by nature, but today I got the damned thing. I could easily write a book on the events that have transpired over the last 24 hours. Instead, I whipped together the movie I have been anticipating on creating over the past few weeks. Now that this is over, sadly, I'm going to pass out.

Jul 28, 2010


The Copyright Office recently made an announcement in regard to the legality of "jailbreaking" iPhones. Before the ruling came out, the mere thought of jailbreaking the coveted mobile device immediately induced the fear of death by firing squad.

In summary, the Copyright Office said:

Jailbreaking your iPhone or other mobile device will no longer violate a controversial federal copyright law called the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, or DMCA. Bypassing a manufacturer's protection mechanisms to allow "handsets to execute software applications" is now permitted. (CNN).

Personally, as long as your name is not Steve Jobs, I thing this ruling is a great move in the right direction. Historically, Apple has monopolized the iPhone by controlling what the user was allowed to buy for it (@pps) and where they could buy them (@pp Store).

This would be similar to if you went to Best Buy and bought a new computer and were only allowed to buy computer games to play on this computer from Best Buy stores. Now, with the thought of jailbreaking the phone a little less intimidating, people will have the freedom to jailbreak at will without losing sleep at night over the possibility of an Apple rep kicking in the door with an AK-47 and a lawsuit. There are still considerable risks, such as voiding warranties and not getting the phone fixed if the screen is cracked or dropped in a toilet, but the lawsuits are not really a possibility at this point.
Jul 26, 2010

How To of the Week: Pickles

How To of the Week: Pickles

I love pickles. I love pickles so much that I have been known to take a little sips of pickle juice from time to time out of the jar in sheer joy of my love for pickles. A week or so ago I finally decided that it was time to get down to pickling. After reaping the rewards of my first pickling experiment, I have decided to share this with you all today. If you like pickles and would like to make some kick ass pickles, here is how you do it. Before I get started, know this: Pickles don't grow on trees. They come from cucumbers.

There are numerous ways to make a pickle. The pickles I am going to tell you how to make are for the impatient pickler. I have tested these bad boys out and now it works. I am also Hungarian. And hungry. So this recipe hits home.

"The Hungarian Summer Pickle"

What you need:
  • 1 gallon sized jar with a lid
  • Fresh cucumbers to pack into the jar (4-5 will suffice)
  • 4 tablespoons of pickling salt (this is different than normal salt, and is sold by the 4lb. box in stores)
  • 1/2 cup of white vinegar
  • 8 cups of water
  • 1 clove of garlic
  • 1 jalapeno pepper
  • 2 banana peppers

What to do:
  • Clean out the jar
  • Mix the salt, vinegar, and water up in the jar
  • Dice up the garlic, jalapeno peppers, and banana peppers
  • Put the diced stuff you just chopped up into the jar and mix it up
  • Wash each cucumber with your hands and make sure you get the dirt off of them
  • As you are washing the cucumbers, try to rub off the prickly things that are covering it
  • Take a knife and make a cut down the middle of the cucumber, long-ways, but dont cut it all the way through
  • Cram the cucumbers into the jar
  • If there is room near the top of the jar, fill up a zip-lock bag with water (or pickle juice) and cram it in at the top so that the pickles don't float to the surface. Floating is bad.
  • Put the lid on the jar, place it next to a window (or outside in the sun) and give it a week to work its magic.
  • After at least a week, when the tension has climaxed to an unbearable state and you cannot wait any longer, crack open the jar and endulge in a pickly mouth explosion.

Rant of the Week: Cars Slowing Down for Crosswalks

Rant of the Week: Cars Slowing Down for Crosswalks

Here is one that drives me absolutely bonkers. That's right, bonkers. Not mad. Not insane. Not grinding of gears. Not makes me see red. Bonkers. Perhaps you can relate to it as well. The environment can be anywhere involving a road, a crosswalk, a car, and you. The scenario is the same. A car is driving down the road and approaches a crosswalk somewhere in the general area that you happen to be getting to walk through in the foreseeable future. The car could easily just go through the crosswalk and then you could cross and the world would be a better place for it. But no. The car has to slow down or come to a complete halt which forces you to kick it into high gear and jog through the crosswalk to pass so that the person sitting in the car can keep on keeping on. Personally, I walk at a run/walk pace as it is, and this whole situation makes it more complicated because I have to time it out exactly so that I will not be in a place where I have to wait for someone to determine whether or not they will let me cross or potentially slam into my body while attempting to get to the other side of the road. More often than not, I am also passing by slow walkers so I have to keep this in mind so that the slow walker I just passed does not catch up with me while the person in the car tries to make up their mind if they are going to let me go or not. It gets pretty aggravating when I am really far away from the crosswalk yet people still slow down to wait for me. Just go through it people. I can wait or go around. I'm not going to bust out a dead sprint from 20 yards away. Sometimes it gets really bad. If I can tell a car will stop for me, and I don't feel like going before they do, I will bust out my phone, put it up to my ear, act like I'm talking to someone, and then turn my back to the crosswalk and spin around in aimless circles to let them know I am not crossing at the exact instant that they are and that they are free to pass. The only resolution that I can come up with for this predicament is to just not watch for cars and take my chances on getting hit.

Jul 25, 2010

Dog Says "Batman"

I need to teach Bo how to do this:

Jul 22, 2010

How To of the Week: Be An Eagle

I'm going to deviate slightly this week for the How To. This week's version is going to be based off of a reflection paper I wrote during my senior year of college. The topic for the paper was to write something about ourselves. I wrote about my experiences playing high school football based off of the theme "10 Reasons to be an Eagle." In the future, I don't really plan on "recycling" old school papers for this blog, however, the individual that assigned this paper to me pulled me aside after he graded them and told me it was one of the best papers a student had submitted to him in over 40+ years of teaching. So after considering those accolades, I said what the heck.

Without further ado...

How To of the Week: “Ten Reasons to be an Eagle.”

I am a strong believer in the idea that personal experiences make up a good portion of what kind of person an individual becomes. Experiences can consist of anything from family, education systems, friendships, different groups or teams one participates in, relationships, and even tragic events. All of these instances give a person a choice on how to react to these experiences, and more often than not, their reactions show just what kind of a person they are. Experiences shape the morals we have. They give us insight on what we stand for as an individual. These develop our general principles and beliefs. They enhance our personality and attitudes. They reveal our strengths and weaknesses. They give us a glimpse of where our life is going. They show us that change in our life can be good, even though, “people want things to stay the same and they think the change will be bad,” (Johnson 96). In my life, I have gone through a fair share of events and experiences that in one way or another have shaped the person I am today. For this paper, I will focus on a four-year long experience I lived in relation to how it molded me into what kind of a person I am. This experience was the time I spent playing football at Chaminade-Julienne under Head Coach Jim Place. I am 100% positive that what I learned during this time has laid the foundation for what kind of a person I am today, as well as how I will live out the rest of my life.

Sure, the experience of bonding with teammates, playing on Friday nights, and doing something that I loved was an awesome part of my life, but having the opportunity to be around Coach Place for four years really rubbed off on who I am today. Coach Place cares about all of his players and he went beyond coaching us on just football, he coached us on the game of life as well. One aspect of high school football that not every player certainly looks forward to is two-a-days. And what is there not to like…its in the middle of a hot August summer month, it’s the hardest practices one would have to go through, they take up the entire day, and the physical conditioning during these days are intense. I, on the other hand, loved two-a-days, because this was when Coach Place delivered his infamous speech each day on the “Ten Reasons to be an Eagle.”

Each season during two-a-days, we would go through two grueling practices for ten days. At the end of the second practice each day, we would all gather around Coach Place. All of us would immediately give him our attention—silent and looking right into his eyes. He would then give us one of his “Ten Reasons to be an Eagle” for the day.

Reason # 1: Self-Esteem – Feeling of Self-Accomplishment.

“Self-esteem is essential for psychological survival,” (McKay 1). Playing football made me feel good about myself. It significantly increased my self-esteem. I feel that it is so important that every person should like the person that they are and to be happy and feel good. Considering all of the reasons Coach Place gave us, I think there is a purpose he had this as the number one reason. That is because self-esteem is something that everyone should have a good sense of throughout his or her life, and I certainly have. “You are at peace with yourself, at peace with others,” (McKay 104). It is something that I have carried with me off the football field and into my life in college. My self-esteem is something I will carry with me throughout life too. Having a high self-esteem rubs off on others, and it is obvious as to how high someone’s self-esteem is based on their actions, personality, and attitude. While it is impossible to be happy all the time, and that there are times that I get down on myself, I have learned that having a high self esteem is very important to me, and the lessons Place taught us about self-esteem and having a feeling of self-accomplishment throughout our lives is an important lesson I learned.

Reason # 2: Being Part of a Team.

Participating in a group or team is something that everyone will have to do at some point in their life, regardless of if it is sports related or not. In the business world, teams are the norm. Being on a team gives you a sense of identity and allows you to participate, assume a role, set goals and objectives, and to go out and achieve those obstacles. “Your attitude determines the team's attitude,” (Maxwell 114). Having the experience of being on a team, especially the football team, showed me a lot about what kind of person I am. It allowed me to realize that I am a leader and have leadership qualities. My qualities showed me that “proof of leadership is found in the followers,” (Branden 49). My senior year I was one of the captains of the team. This meant that I had to be a role model. I had a sense of responsibility for everyone. “When teammates can’t make it, you carry them the rest of the way,” (Maxwell 126). I often had to carry teammates on my shoulders. Being part of a team first showed me that I contained these leadership characteristics, which not a lot of people possess, and it encouraged me to use these talents and abilities in everything that I do. I was able to almost on a daily basis positively influence my teammates and set an example for them to follow. I led my example, and my teammates had trust in me. “Trust is the foundation of leadership,” (Briggs 13).

Reason # 3: Pride and Tradition.

Playing football for C-J carries a lot of pride and tradition in the experience. We always talked about those that came before us, how they went through the same thing we were going through, that they bled on the field just like us, that they loved the game just like us, and so on. Coach Place put a great deal of importance on how important pride and tradition is in our lives. Pride is a very important element in my life. I take pride in almost everything I do. I do not ever do something that I would not want to claim as mine. I believe people should have a strong sense of pride, not to the sense that they are egotistical, but that they care and have a passion about something. Pride is a reflection of “what you're capable of doing with your particular gifts and talents,” (Kouzes 6). I carried a great sense of pride playing football. It was important to me, I took it seriously, I did the best on and off the field that I could as an athlete, and I look back at the experience with a sense of pride. I am proud of a lot of my accomplishment; it links with my self-esteem, and makes me feel good as an individual.

Reason # 4: Learning Experience: Everyone is Equal, Manhood, Getting Knocked Down.

The game of football, like life, is a learning experience. The things I learned playing football about life is incredible. It is not just about going to practice, learning your position, figuring out the rules and how to play…there is a personal element involved. Football taught me that everyone on the team was equal. Granted some people were more gifted athletes than others were, but this did not guarantee them a starting position. Everyone on the team is family. We were all brothers. Off the field, we were best friends. No matter who played and who was better than who, we were all equal as people. This was a great lesson I learned, and I still practice this idea to this day. Another learning experience from this reason is manhood. High school is a time where I did a lot of growing up, on and off the field. Part of stepping into manhood for me at the time was maturing, assuming more responsibilities, enduring pain and stress, and trying to balance and survive it all. Manhood, as it relates to me as a leader, also means not cutting corners or cheating yourself. “I learned firsthand that when it comes to leadership, you just can't take shortcuts, no matter how long you've been leading your people,” (Burns 55). In the game of football, there would be times I would get knocked down. And what would I do? I would get back up. The same is applicable to my life. Life is all about learning experiences, and sometime we are knocked down. The way I handle those times, and how fast I get up, often says a lot about my character. I am the type of person that gets right back up after being knocked down, no matter how bad it hurts. What good is there in lying down? I do not like sympathy. I do not ever feel sorry for myself. It is just how I am. Life is going to throw me some curve balls. I may want to lie down and not get up. However, it will not do me any good. I have to get back up, endure the pain, and keep playing the game.

Reason # 5: Make People Proud of You: Family, Friends, and Girls.

I place a good deal of importance on this reason. For me, there are few greater rewards than making my parents or loved ones proud of me. It is such a good feeling to know they feel that way. Looking up in the stands and seeing my parents watching me perform with their facing glowing is a memory I will never forget. It keeps me motivated to continue to be successful so that I can keep on giving them this pleasure. Through my achievements on the field, in the classroom, and other aspects of my life, I have succeeded and given my parents something to be proud of me for. That in turn makes them feel good about raising a good son. All around it is a good thing. Having someone that is proud of me makes me feel good about myself. It gives me something else to live for. Making girls proud of me has had its benefits as well, but that is a completely different story.

Reason # 6: General Principles.

Of all the reasons Coach Place gave us, this is the one I remember and try to live out and apply to my life the most. General principles, or G.P.s as he calls them, are what you stand for as a man. They are your morals, attitudes, and how you feel about something. It is about doing the right thing. It is about setting a good example for others to follow. Coach Place always uses a scenario to stress this point. He asks us what we would do if we saw someone that was handicapped or mentally retarded, and how would we treat them. Would we point and laugh at them with our friends? If so, that is not having good G.P.s. I rather relate them to the whole WWJD idea. I honestly think about Coach Place’s G.P.s almost every time I make a decision. I have so much respect for him that I ask myself if he would approve of a choice I made. I would consider myself to have high general principles. “No man can climb out beyond the limitations of his own character,” (Larson 56). I am respectful, honest, trustworthy, loyal, hard working, sincere, and open. Having a good sense of general principles has shaped a lot of the person that I am, the choices that I make, the type of people I surround myself with, how I respond in different relationships, and how I live day to day.

Reason # 7: Physical Conditioning.

Football put me in the greatest shape of my life. It stressed the importance of being fit and working out. Being in shape made me feel happy and healthy. I felt good about myself after a hard workout or practice. In addition, it allowed me to perform to the best of my ability. I carry on the physical conditioning habits of football in my life today. I love working out. Being physically fit is an important part of my life and probably always will be. It also allowed me to take charge of myself and be a leader. “The higher you want to climb, the more you need leadership,” (2 Maxwell, 6). I continue to climb higher in life by challenging myself. I have taken the lessons Coach Place has shown me through his leadership and use them as motivation as I push myself harder and harder to succeed.

Reason # 8: Love of the Game.

One of the greatest reasons I played football was because I loved the game. Football allowed me to have fun at something I enjoyed, to push myself to the limit, to be competitive, and to experience the awe and excitement of winning and the disappointment of losing. Regardless, I had a passion for the game. Playing football for the love of the game told me a lot about myself. I have come to realize that if I put my mind to it, I am capable of achieving anything. Going into high school my first year, I never imagined that I would have a very successful career in football. By my senior year, I had achieved awards such as Athlete of the Week, Wendy’s National Heisman Athlete Nominee, Penn Station Athlete of the Month, Scholar Athlete of the Year, First Team All-League, as well as a variety of other awards. These types of honors tell me that anything is possible if I work hard and put my heart into it. Even if I find something to be difficult and out of the question, I think about my days playing football, and tell myself that if I really want to I can do it. I applied the same thing to playing the piano, and currently the bagpipes. I had no idea how to do either, but with lots of practice and hard work, I was able to play many difficult songs on the piano, and I am now applying the same strategy to learning the bagpipes. If I put my mind to it, I am confident I can do anything I want.

Reason # 9: Discipline.

I have always been a responsible, disciplined person. It is just part of my personality and how I was raised. “Only the right action at the right time will bring success,” (Parker 15). Being disciplined gives me an advantage on making these right actions. I was able to apply this to the football field, where discipline was enforced heavily. Having a strong sense of discipline has helped me out a lot in life. During football, I relied on it to get my life in order, as far as going to school, going to practice, doing my homework, getting enough rest, being responsible, etc. I had a set routine that I followed daily. Having gone through that experience, I have benefited in college and in the professional environment, where I need to use the same kind of discipline to keep my life in order. Discipline also means having a great deal of respect. Coach Place commanded it from his players. In return, I gave him it. “Intuitive leaders can sense what's happening among people and almost instantly know their hopes, fears, and concerns,” (Avery 81). Coach Place recognized that being a disciplined team would only benefit us individually as players. But I also have learned to be disciplined in other parts of my life other that football, such as showing respect for my parents, teachers, classmates, roommates, and co-workers and bosses as well. By staying close to these people, and showing them that I care, has proven to be beneficial in my life. “Everyone’s potential is determined by the people closest to them,” (MacMillian 138).

Reason # 10: Friday Nights.

In the high school football world, there is no greater time then Friday nights. Friday nights was my payday. It was my time to cash in on all the hard work I had been dedicating to the game all week long. I think that it is important to have events to look forward to in life. In high school, it was obviously Friday nights. In college, I look forward to the weekends because it is a time I get to relax from a hard week of school and work, hang out with my friends, and have a good time. I believe in the saying “Work hard, Play hard.” I work 40 hours a week and take 18 credit hours. That is more than most students at this university, not to mention the fact that I spend a ton of time on schoolwork and rugby as well. Rewarding myself for all of my hard work during the week is one of the things I love doing on the weekends. Later in life, I will remind myself that while I may be caught up with work and a family, it is also important to have fun at times and to enjoy the company of those around me.

Playing football for Coach Place was truly a blessing for me. I loved practically every minute of it. I am so happy I was given the opportunity to play for him and to have four years to soak up as much wisdom and guidance from him as I possibly could. The game of football taught me a lot about life, and even more about myself as a person. It taught me life lessons and the importance of many things including: setting and having goals, keeping up my grades, living a drug-free lifestyle, caring about teammates and others, accepting criticism, being humble, the role of God in my life, showing respect for coaches, teachers, and parents, being brave enough to be masculine, and having the proper attitude towards not only winning on the field, but off the field as well. Playing the game, making friends, and learning from Coach Place all have significantly affected my life, and have made me a better person for having done so today. I learned so much about myself from the game through the different circumstances, pressures, demands, and emotions that football evoked. I keep these experiences in the back of my mind always, and build off them daily as I set out to be the best person I can possibly be.

Jul 21, 2010

Donkeys & Whales & Robotsaurus... Oh My!

Yesterday, a donkey was dropped out of an airplane as part of a publicity stunt by some merry band of entrepreneurs. I'm still trying to figure out how the donkey was able to deploy his parachute in addition to whether or not he made it safely to the ground. In today's news, a whale exploded out of the ocean and cannonballed onto a boat (above) that was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Reports indicate that the boat did not immediately pull a Titanic and that everyone survived. If I was on the boat, I would have instantly died of a heart attack once I realized I was on a boat in the ocean, let alone a 40-ton beast trying to belly flop on top of my head. So this leads me to believe that if yesterday we had an animal get dropped out of a plane, and today a whale drops on top of a boat, then what will happen tomorrow? If I was a betting man, I would put on my chips on Robotsaurus going on a massive rampage in some metropolitan city.

[Edit: It has been brought to my attention that the donkey was actually para sailing rather than being tossed out of an airplane. Everything else is accurate, especially my Robotsaurus prediction.]

Jul 20, 2010

10 Random Thoughts

10 Random Thoughts

1. Zombie Kid Likes Turtles

2. Mars Attacks

PorkRice informed me that during the month of August, Mars will be closer to Earth than it has been in some 60,000 years. For about the whole month, Mars be about the size of the moon up in the sky. This is actually a hoax.

3. Evolution

I took Bo on a walk this morning and he squatted down to take a crap. While he was doing his deed, I thought about how weird it would be if people walked around naked and peed and pooped everywhere out in the open. By the time this thought passed through my mind, Bo finished up dropping the load and took off running so fast that he almost ripped his leash out of my hands. If you are one to believe that humans evolved from apes who evolved from some sort of little chipmunkish/lemming creature millions of years ago, that is one thing. I could not imagine walking around aimlessly, naked, and then sprinting the length of a football field after taking a shit. I'll leave this one for the dogs.

4. Bobaflex

The great band from the sticks will be playing at McGuffy's this weekend. The Terry clan will be tearing it up there as well. Should be a good time. It will be a great time if PorkRice gets several "free Budweisers" in him.

5. Big10 Network

It's "Ohio State Week" on the Big10 Network. I will not be watching the Big10 Network this week.

6. Red Blinking Light of Death

I assembled all the pieces to the Nintendo jigsaw puzzle only to discover that I have ran into a pandemic known as the "Red Blinking Light of Death." Time to bust out the rubbing alcohol and q-tips.

7. Inception

Oddly enough, I have slept better after watching this movie than I have in a long time. But then again, maybe I am dreaming right now?!?! Ahhhh shoot...

8. Words With Friends

This @pp for the iPhone may be one of the greatest things ever invented. It is basically a free version of Scrabble that allows you to have several games going at the same time. It is a never ending adventure of coming up with works that start with "Z" that happen to land on a Triple Word Score. If you have would like to challenge me, my user name is "TERRYKYG". Bring it.

9. Football

September 4th needs to get here quick. This has been a long off-season. My brain is filled to capacity with college football knowledge and I am able ready to start talking massive shit for the '10 campaign.

10. Useless Raccoon Facts

Just learned this on the NatGeo Wild channel. Raccoons are blind for the first 3-4 weeks of their life and have really soft pads on their paws. They are about 10x more sensitive than the nerves in the human hand which allows them to tear your trash cans to hell at night with greater ease.
Jul 19, 2010

The Cowman Show: Episode 2

The Cowman Show: Episode 2 - "Birthday Dinner Shenanigans"

On tonight's episode of The Cowman Show, Kyle craves Red Lobster, physically walks into a Red Lobster to eat, and ends up eating bread sticks at Olive Garden an hour later, hating life.

I've been on a weird seafood kick lately. In a perfect scenario, I would eat a fresh seafood feast while sitting on a pier overlooking the oil-covered ocean. Since I live in the middle of nowhere, I have to settle for seafood chains or the steamed flounder served up at the nearest China Buffet.

My dad's birthday was a couple days ago and a decision was made to go out to eat to celebrate 51 years of domination. The location was undecided, but I secretly hoped that the destination would end up at Red Lobster so I could eat some buttery garlic rolls and some sort of fish meal.

"If we don't get no tolls... then we don't eat no rolls."

Around noon on Saturday, my mom called me .

Mom: The birthday dinner would be taking place at approximately 4pm at Olive Garden and that the birthday boy would not be going because he felt like shit.

Me: Alright, seeya at 4.

About two hours later, dad called me.

Me: Are you going out to dinner? Mom said we were going to Olive Garden at 4...

Dad: See?! She can't even make up her mind about where she wants to go. She told me Red Lobster.

Me: thinking to myself... Ohhh hell yes!

I call my mom around 3:30pm.

Me: Hey, dad said we are going to Red Lobster.

Mom: Yeah is that okay?

Me: Yup. I've been craving Red Lobster for a long time now. I can't wait to eat some fish. I would really like to go to Red Lobster instead of Olive Garden. I will meet you at Red Lobster. We should get there around the same time you do at Red Lobster.

Mom: Okay see you there.

At 4:05pm I get a text message from my mom.

Mom: (text) We are here.

I pull into the parking lot at Red Lobster and we walk in. I tell the hostess that we are meeting people there and she says they have been really slow and that I could walk around and find them. I don't find them. I go outside to look for them. I call my mom.

Me: Hey I'm at Red Lobster. Where are you?

Mom: We are at Olive Garden.

Jul 18, 2010


Go see this movie right now.

Jul 17, 2010

You're Killin' Me RadioShack

Thank you for calling RadioShack, Home of the iPhone, this is Bob, how can I help you?

Hi! Do you have the new iPho----


Okay thanks bye.

RadioShack has a special going on where you can trade in a 3G iPhone and get $100 off the new iPhone 4. I am on several "waiting lists" with different RadioShacks in the Dayton-area. I call a dozen of them everyday, probably along with hundreds of other people, and get the same answer. Now is not a good time to be working at RadioShack.
Jul 16, 2010

How To: Save a Few Bucks

How To of the Week: Save a Few Bucks

This week's How To investigates Televangelism and how to save a few bucks during your lifetime. This How To is also quite simple: Don't give them your freakin' money!

Well thanks Captain Obvious. Care to elaborate?


Everyday millions of Americans experience evangelists whom use media such as television, radio, newspapers, and the Internet to preach. While the majority of these people simply change the channel or tune into another station, there are those that fall victim to the seductive and deceiving ways of these evangelists. The use of impression management by evangelists to create assumptions and responses from their targeted audiences usually leads towards them generating a large number of donations, gifts, and cold hard cash.

As actors, the false fronts TV evangelists display is crucial to their success or failure. The fashions in which these evangelists present themselves define the situation for those people who are watching their performance. Evangelists create their normal appearances by dressing up in flashy clothing and going overboard on the haircuts, makeup, costumes, props, and so on to give a presentable image to their audience. They play the role of a compassionate preacher which fully engulfs their personality. Through their presentation of self, evangelists not only capture their follower's hearts but their money as well. Besides personal appearances, evangelists use the stage - normally a church - as an additional resource to their false front and as an organizational setting. The church backdrop normally generates a more sympathetic and down to earth response from whomever is watching. The sight of a humble evangelist pouring their heart out to the audience about how much they love God in conjunction with the alter, stained glass, and even a cross behind them hits the viewer heard in the sympathy category. Through the use of their appearance and the stage they have at hand, evangelists put themselves exactly where they want to be in getting what they want from their listeners. While evangelists appear all good on the stage, this does not carry out with them behind the scenes. Unfortunately, the show they put on up front is quite different than the role they play when they step off the stage.

Behind the scenes, when the makeup is washed off, the sparking outfits are removed, and in some cases the wigs are taken off, these goodly evangelists are left with what they really are - people with power, wealth, and greed. Through all of their successes winning their crowds over, evangelists are able to live the lifestyles they want through expensive cars, eloquent homes, costly jewelry, and all the little trinkets their hearts desire. This the viewer does not see. And if they did, it is unlikely that they would be susceptible to shelling out their money so willingly again. It is ironic how religious figures such as these evangelists are able to so easily get the money they need and get away with it. TV evangelists are truly a case of how once backstage, one becomes the exact opposite, the alter-ego, of who the person they are when they are on the stage. As these people obviously do not practice what they preach, it is questionable to where all the money they receive from donations really goes towards once it hits their pockets.

On the front, evangelists act to get a response out of their audience. They preach of anything they want, from helping the homeless, giving to charity, helping people with disabilities, supporting struggling churches, what the case, all in hopes of getting a response through the sympathy of the audience. By reciting direct quote after direct quote from the Bible, doing godly works, and even crying because the Grace of God is apparently so good, they provoke a response from those watching while keeping the phones ringing off the hooks. They put on the impression that they are desperate and that they need to make a difference now. In a soothing voice, they ask,

Won't you call now? Every little bit helps. Pick up the phone, we have operators ready to listen and take your great donations.

Or something to that extent. Unfortunately, people give into this time and time again. This is all because the donors react to the performers and the show they are putting on and assume that their hard earned money is going towards a good cause.

From the evangelist's perspective, they are people of God. They are friendly ad full of inspiration, charisma, and they know their Bible front and back. They interact with the crowd and communicate with them directly in person and even over the phone. All around they appear to be good people trying to do a good cause. But in reality, they are greedy liars. They put up a fake front and use the audience's religion against them into thinking they are doing something good, only to take the money and run. The audience usually buys into this kind of preacher persona and is then willing to donate their money. Most of the viewers rarely see what happens off the stage. Since the audience believes they are giving to a good cause, and even if they suspect even the smallest amount of conspiracy, they do not hesitate to donate because thy believe so strongly in the evangelists and that they are fulfilling their duty as a religious person by giving in to the evangelist's wishes.

Televangelists are merely stuffing their pockets with cash, not helping the community, not clothing the homeless, not feeding the sick, not visiting the lonely, and certainly not buying their victims a ticket into heaven.