Jun 15, 2010

How To: Suck At Bowling

How To of the Week: Suck At Bowling

I suck at bowling. This was established after my Bowling Suckage Experiment. The science behind this concluded that I bowled a sober game and got a score of 122. For the second game, I drank beer at a fast pace and bowled a 77. I've reflected on this experiment and the results from this weekend's bowling excursion and came up with a few ways to suck at bowling.

Here is how to suck at bowling:
  • Drink several beers priors to venturing out on a bowling expedition.
  • After arriving at the bowling alley, do not give into the the temptation to reserve a lane and pick up some stylish bowling shoes. Instead, head directly to the bowling alley bar, and consume more alcohol.
  • Once the decision has been made to start bowling, grab a couple pitchers of beer to take with you to the lane.
  • By some act of God, bowl a strike for the first frame.
  • Relying on the confidence from the first frame, put all your eggs in one basket and dedicate yourself to bowling technique that involves spinning the ball down the lane as close as possible to the edge of the gutter in hopes that it will curve over at the last moment and knock all the pins down like they do on TV.
  • Throw several gutter balls in a row attempting to achieve the above scenario.
  • Continue drinking from the pitchers of beer on the table next to the contraption that keeps track of the score.
  • Get distracted by girls fondling balls.
  • End up with a final score that is lucky to break 50, let alone 100.