May 3, 2010

Rant of the Week: White Trash Yard Sales

Rant of the Week: White Trash Yard Sales

I'm not sure where the picture above was taken, but it is very similar to a scene I drove by on my way to work today. I would love to say that it was seen on the outskirts of my neighborhood, far away from a constant eye sore/facepalm, but the first outbreak of the summer white trash yard sale popped up just about a mile away from my house.

I don't really think "yard sale" is describing it correctly. I would say "trash sale" is more like it. I also will admit that words don't really do the atrocity justice, and as such I will go on a mission this weekend to shop some of these local trash sales and take several pictures for you to enjoy. Weather permitting of course. What really boggles my mind is how people basically throw all of their crap out in the yard and expect people to buy the junk. And this isn't a one time deal either. Some of the houses that have the trash sales make the extravaganza a season long fiasco, like a liquidation outlet or something. There is one particular house in mind around my neighborhood that puts out every single plastic toy ever made into their front lawn every Saturday and Sunday. And no, I'm not talking like cool vintage Thundercats toys or something, I'm talking about a yard of misfit toys consisting of clunky Tyco strollers and broken big wheels. I'm not sure where the crap is stored the rest of the week, but assumption leads me to believe its all kept inside their living room like a bad episode of Hoarders.

I'm thankful that I don't have one of the trash sales going on immediately next door to my house. If I did, I would probably bite the bullet and go over one day, buy all of the shit, and then time it up perfectly with the trash removal services so that I could arrange a special pickup that would dispose of it right away. In my mind, it would go down like this: Cash is exchanged. I pull out a foghorn and give the signal. Garbage man rolls around the corner, backs up halfway in their yard. I personally dispose of the junk while staring down the crying children peering through the window, and by window I mean the window with the screen busted out, blinds ripped to shit, and a Winnie the Pooh towel used as some sort of temporary/yet permanent drapery decor.

Stay tuned for pictures this weekend. If it's sunny on Saturday, I'm thinking we'll have a jackpot of photos.