May 17, 2010

How To: Choke Out a Guy in 10 Seconds

How To of the Week: Choke Out a Guy in 10 Seconds

For this week's "How To" installment I will explain how to choke someone out quickly and efficiently. I don't condone ::cough cough:: violence nor do I expect anyone to have to bust this sweet move out. But it's a crazy, crazy world we live in and sometimes a situation may present itself where someone needs to be shut down. I'm not really sure if a disclaimer is needed here, but I guess I'll throw something out for good measure. I have done this before and had it done to me several times. It can be really dangerous and you could mess someone up pretty bad. So kids, don't try this at home.

Alright, so I brought a couple friends - Michelangelo and The Toxic Avenger - to demonstrate the choke out.

Say hi, guys...

Now that the introductions are out of the way, let's get to it.

Before you choke someone out, you must have a reason for doing it. You need to have a motive. Off the top of my head, I would say a motive for choking someone out could be to stop someone that is attacking you or someone else, to neutralize a drunken idiot in a variety of scenarios, to win a cage match, or to fight off criminals/terrorists. In the case of our test dummies, Mikey is pissed off at Toxic Avenger for stealing his style.

To setup the move, you need to get behind your target. This is pretty simple so I don't need to really dive into it too much. If they are unaware of your presence and the fact that you are about to knock their ass out, even better.

The next step is probably the most important of them all. You want to put your arm around their neck with the inside of your elbow right on top of their Adam's Apple. The line where your forearm meets the bicep is the money spot (as seen below). If you bend your arm at a 90 degree angle and flex, you should feel a tendon pop out on the inside of your elbow. This is where you want the middle of their neck to be.

After you have that in place, you want to take the hand that is wrapped around their neck and place it on your other bicep. And when I say place, I mean grab on to it and hold on for dear life. Take the other hand and put in on the back of their head. Push their head forward while squeezing as hard as the fury of a thousand burning suns.

If you have everything locked in pretty tight you are good to go. The time it takes to knock the person out varies, but unless they manage to put their chin down under your arm and/or you can fight off an eye gouge or hair pulling last ditch effort, in roughly ten seconds, it's all easy peazy lemon squeazy.

As I said before, I've had this done to me more times that I would like to admit. It used to be the fun thing to do while killing time during wrestling practice. When someone gets choked out, they will be out for maybe 10-20 seconds. This is plenty of time for you to get the situation under control, hog tie them, save the girl, run away, stand over their body and do the DX "Suck It" sign until they wake up, or whatever shenanigans hardens your nipples.