Apr 26, 2010

Quest: To Seek The Indestructible Dog Toy

I took Bo to the vet awhile ago and found out that weighing 16lbs means that he is obese. I've put him on a diet of strictly dog food and doggy treats. The problem is that when I get home and sit down at my computer to put together some sort of coherent thought that turns into a blog, this is interrupted a million times because he turns into Needy McNeederson. I used to feed him treat after treat after treat to divert his attention from shredding the skin on my legs to chewing on a treat for a few minutes. But like his master, his attention span is about the same as that of a goldfish. I have tried lots of different treats, but none of them really seem to do the trick. He either loses interest in them after a few minutes, destroys them to hell, or they are bad for him and it's not something I can give him if I don't want him to continue to be a fat ass.

I've tried the expensive toy route. This was nothing but a big FAIL. For example:

Triple Crown Everlasting Treat Ball - $21.95

Provide hours of interactive chewing fun for your dog with the Triple Crown Everlasting Treat Ball for dogs! You can fill the dog toy with a treat, then watch your pet go wild! This toy's unique shape causes it to roll erratically, and keep your pet entertained all day long. The raised dimples on the sides of the ball also help to provide dental health, cleaning your pet's teeth while he plays! What more could you ask for? This Treat Ball for dogs is made of soft, yet durable puncture resistant materials, which will hold up to even the toughest chewers!

Everlasting Treat Ball Refills - $7.95

Bursting with natural flavors, the Everlasting Treat Ball refills provide long lasting chewing enjoyment for your (large\small) dog. Our specially formulated ingredients are completely edible and digestible, with a taste dogs can't resist! The dental ridges help clean the dogs teeth while the treat lasts a long time and is safe for the dog to eat. The Everlast refill can be used alone or with the Everlasting Treat Ball to provide a challenge for your dog.

Orbee Tough Bone - $15.95

This strong and durable dog toy bends. It twists. It bounces. It flops. But it won’t break! The Orbee Tough Bone for dogs comes in three colors and three sizes. But no matter what size or color you choose, you’ll love the way your dog can play and play and play with the Orbee Tough Bone, without tearing or puncturing the durable, flexible, wickedly strong toy for dogs! The Orbee Tough Bone for dogs is non-toxic, rinses clean, and will give you and your dog hours of entertainment. Also has a scent of peppermint!
I bought the above three items one time from some expensive dog store place called Moochie & Co. I thought shelling out the big bucks would translate to success on the dog entertainment field. I was wrong. Within about 20 minutes, Bo had ripped a chunk out of Orbee bone, ate the "everlasting" refill stuff, and tore the everlasting ball in half. I might as well have taken $50, covered it in human hair, pissed on it, and set it on fire. Because that's about the feeling I had after I realized the aftermath of the Wrath of Bo that had swept through my living room.

Currently I have a few options. I take a medium size milk bone, break it in half, and shove it into a Kong. Somehow he is able to rip the milk bone out of the Kong faster than the time it takes me to cram it in there. I think this concept it ideally what I'm looking for, but just something that takes him an hour to get the treat out instead of 3 seconds. I also give him those greasy raw hide bones. He chews the brown stuff off of them like a school of piranhas devouring a cow and leaves the bone clean and white. He gnaws on these bones occasionally. He really likes them when I put a little bit of peanut butter in them for him to lick out. This option isn't the greatest because it gives him God awful gas and diarrhea. He also drops the bones on my wooden floor constantly and makes it impossible to concentrate. My last option is a set of plastic keys that he loves. He chews them up and they last a long time, but since they aren't coated in grease or stuffed with a treat, he doesn't spend too much time playing with them. Anything with stuffing or filled with cotton is out of the question. So is anything with a squeaker in it.

My name is Kyle.
My favorite color is blue.
My quest is to seek some sort of dog toy that is indestructible and can be filled with a treat that is extremely difficult to pry out of said indestructible dog toy that can entertain my dog's thoughts for countless hours.

Does such a thing exist?!