Apr 29, 2010

Haters Gon' Hate

[Soundtrack: The Chordettes - Lollipop]

The theme for today was Haters. It started off as A) I peddled through the 3000+ Google Reader updates and came across an interesting article about haters that I will get to in a minute. The second recurrence of haters popped up when B) Mr. Stanko posted a picture up on Facebook that at a first glance I had mistaken for a glamour shot of A Da Cheeks. After a close double-take, I realized it was just one of those silly Hater pictures. So I giggled and continued doing whatever I was doing.

I'm sure I have a photo archived somewhere in the 10,000 pictures I have yet to organize of a solid profile shot of Mr. Cheeks that eerily looks like the stud above. I don't have the patience to sift through them at the moment, so instead, I give you this:

The last bit of Haterade just came up as C) PorkRice told me about how he was just snubbed at the UD awards ceremony. Sons of bitches.

Okayyyyyyy so back to the article I was talking about. Mashable put up an good link about Haters written by a NYT best-selling author named Tim Ferriss. He wrote a book called The Four Hour Work Week and also has 7 Great Principles for Dealing with Haters. I thought it would be fun to take a look at the seven items and comment on each of them. And. Here. We. Go.

1. It doesn’t matter how many people don’t get it. What matters is how many people do.

I'm the kind of guy that can tell almost immediately after meeting someone if I am going to like them or not. There's always the rare exception, but for the most part, you're either in or you're out. I can be a big 215 lb lovable teddy bear or a huge asshole. That's up to the first impression, and I'm fine with either.

2. 10% of people will find a way to take anything personally. Expect it.

I can't stand the idea of having to censor myself around people. I think this blog is kind of a no-holds-barred type of deal, but out in the "real world" you always have to be looking over your shoulder for the asshole that's offended by anything. Tact obviously comes into play, but for the most part, we're all adults here people. Grow up.

3. “Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity.” (Colin Powell)

When I read this quote I get flashbacks to all the fake people in high school that tried to cup your balls and pretend to be your friend. I remember during my senior year of high school I went on this religious retreat where they break you down emotionally and then give you letters at the end from all of your friends, family, and classmates. People cry. It's real emotional. I got one letter from one of my classmates where the said individual proclaimed to tell me how awesome I was and how much they looked up to me and wished me the best and thought I was cool and all that stuff. I never talked to them and the only communication we had previously to that letter was hateful stares I gave them anytime I saw them. Well I saw right through it then, and almost ten years later, I am reminded of that bullshit letter they wrote me. If I settled for that, I would be settling for mediocrity. You can be the nicest person in the world and people will despise you solely on the fact that you're too nice.

4. “If you are really effective at what you do, 95% of the things said about you will be negative.” (Scott Boras)

People like to criticize but they often don't like to shell out positive feedback. I watch the hits this blog gets on a daily basis like a hawk. If I write something really controversial, I get probably double the hits I would on a normal day. I don't get the comments to the blog, but people are at least looking at it. I don't think it really matters what you're doing, if you leave a big enough footprint, people will respond to it. The 95% negativity comes from reactions of either being pissed off because of change, jealousy, annoyance, or a combination of the three. I don't have a psych degree, so correct me if I'm wrong. I'm just shootin' from the hip here folks.

5. “If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.” (Epictetus)

Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone to move forward in bettering ourselves as individuals. People called me crazy for running a marathon but I did it. In college, I always got judged for being that crazy guy that liked to drink a beer or ten and sell beef jerky on the side. Sometimes I would not study as much so that I could be social and interact with people doing stuff I liked while providing them things they loved. I learned so much from those nights that I often don't remember that I will put my ability to talk to anyone on the table versus an anti-social 4.0 GPA any day of the week.

6. “Living well is the best revenge.” (George Herbert)

Hopefully you want to do something resembling anything cool with your life. If people have smited you in the past, and then you run into them in some random place, you can tell them how badass you are now. They are hopefully not as badass as you are, and you can proceed to rub it in their face.

7. Keep calm and carry on.

Every once in awhile someone will say something to you that really rubs you the wrong way. You might be having a shitty day and they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you are really stubborn, it can be hard to bite your tongue, but sometimes it is for the best. However, honesty is the best policy, so if they are really out of line, don't hold back to tell them to go fuck themselves. Seriously.

I'll leave you with a quote from my grandma, and this summarizes everything I have rambled on about into one complete sentence:

Life is too short to take shit from anyone. - Big G
Apr 28, 2010

Facebook Privacy Settings

If you have a habit of visiting meatspin.com, giving it the big thumbs up, and rocking out to "You spin me right round" on Pandora Radio from 2-4am on a daily basis, listen up. Facebook added a new gimmick to steal all your information and share it with people you don't want knowing your deepest and darkest secrets. If you want to sleep better at night, follow these steps:

Open up Facebook.
Click on Account.
Click on Privacy Settings.
Click on Applications and Websites.
Next to Instant Personalization Pilot Program, click on Edit Setting.
Uncheck the box.

Apr 27, 2010

The Cow Show Is Here!

Wow! That was a lot faster than I thought. Ladies and gentlemen, you can now get to my blog by going to www.thecowshow.com.

Big deal. So what. Who cares?

Well, the answer is probably nobody but me, but that's fine. Ever since I started the blog I knew I would eventually get to the point where I could have my own domain name instead of having to type in blahblahblah.blogspot.com. When I first set the blog up, I went through a list of cow names but found out that they were all taken. The ones that were available were redundant and stupid, like moocowmoomoocowgoesmoo.blogspot.com. Ehhhh no thanks. So I picked the signature name that I used when I shot off emails to the rugby team, AKA Cow Daddy Fat Sacks. This was all fun and games until I felt reserved about sharing the name of my blog to people that may not really get that concept. In light of that, thecowshow is a little bit safer. All bets are out the window after one goes to the site, but at least it's a starting point.

So since I am on a history lesson kick, I might as well clue everyone in that might not know be so well as to where the whole "Cow" thing comes from. I may have written about this before, and if I did, I'm sowwwwwy. Okay. So. Hi there. My real name is Kyle. But a lot of people call me Cow. This goes back to circa 1995 when the nickname was derived from the pronunciation of the name Kyle, which sounded like Cal, or Cow, from my friend's parents. I'll go ahead and say this, even though I shouldn't have to, but my friend's parents are black (he is too) and black people cannot say Kyle. They say Cow. Sometimes Cal, but it sounds like Cow. There is no racism here. It is merely a fact of life, and one that I can say always brightens my day when I hear it and has gotten us to where we are today. I am a better man for it.

Continuing on the history of the name Cow, the next landmark came during one of the very first weeks of my freshman year at UD. The first week of rugby practice had come and gone, and I found myself along with my fellow rookies at a rugby sausage fest. When I got to the gathering, I was greeted by some of the older rugby players who were instituting a rite of passage by giving all of the rookies a nickname. In their hands, they harvested a fat black Sharpie, and on our sweaty foreheads, a nickname would be written that would seal our fate in time forever. I fell to the back of the line and cautiously waited my turn. There seemed to be a barnyard theme going on for the naming ceremony, as some of my peers were named "Goose," "Panda," and "Ox." When I got to the front of the line, I clearly stated, "Cow. Write Cow on my forehead now. Fucking do it." Luckily for me, my wish was granted. These names were sacred and would stick to us for the next four years. My first and last name was shit. Nobody knew or cared. I was Cow. My social security number and birth certificate did not matter. Cow was all that mattered. To this day, I thank God that I did not get "Cum Dumpster" written on my forehead. I'm not sure www.cumdumpster.com would fly over too well, and besides, it's already taken.

To bring it full circle, one of the definitions of Kyle is Scottish for "cows grazing on a hill." That is the history of Cow. On a personal note, if you are ever put in a situation where you have to buy me a present, please do not give me anything that is cow-related. I'm not one of those cow fanatics that cover my house in cow spotted bullshit.

The Cow Show Is Coming

Quick programming note: Over the next few days, hopefully sooner than later, "We all go a little mad, sometimes" will transform into "The Cow Show." cowdaddyfatsacks.blogspot.com will still be there, but will also be accessed via www.thecowshow.com. To my knowledge (and hopes) this will be seamless for the end-user (aka you) with the added bonus of being able to go to the new URL thecowshow.com. Once I get this completed, I have a few new features I would like to implement to the blog in the coming months. So get excited. Tell your friends. And if you forget to, don't worry, because I plan on going on a huge marketing campaign to take over the Internets. That is all. Thanks for reading.

Top 10 Most Awkward Sports Interviews

Top 10 Most Awkward Sports Interviews

I think the Mike Tyson one is the best. Second is the Alabama coach interview.

What about you?

Apr 26, 2010

Quest: To Seek The Indestructible Dog Toy

I took Bo to the vet awhile ago and found out that weighing 16lbs means that he is obese. I've put him on a diet of strictly dog food and doggy treats. The problem is that when I get home and sit down at my computer to put together some sort of coherent thought that turns into a blog, this is interrupted a million times because he turns into Needy McNeederson. I used to feed him treat after treat after treat to divert his attention from shredding the skin on my legs to chewing on a treat for a few minutes. But like his master, his attention span is about the same as that of a goldfish. I have tried lots of different treats, but none of them really seem to do the trick. He either loses interest in them after a few minutes, destroys them to hell, or they are bad for him and it's not something I can give him if I don't want him to continue to be a fat ass.

I've tried the expensive toy route. This was nothing but a big FAIL. For example:

Triple Crown Everlasting Treat Ball - $21.95

Provide hours of interactive chewing fun for your dog with the Triple Crown Everlasting Treat Ball for dogs! You can fill the dog toy with a treat, then watch your pet go wild! This toy's unique shape causes it to roll erratically, and keep your pet entertained all day long. The raised dimples on the sides of the ball also help to provide dental health, cleaning your pet's teeth while he plays! What more could you ask for? This Treat Ball for dogs is made of soft, yet durable puncture resistant materials, which will hold up to even the toughest chewers!

Everlasting Treat Ball Refills - $7.95

Bursting with natural flavors, the Everlasting Treat Ball refills provide long lasting chewing enjoyment for your (large\small) dog. Our specially formulated ingredients are completely edible and digestible, with a taste dogs can't resist! The dental ridges help clean the dogs teeth while the treat lasts a long time and is safe for the dog to eat. The Everlast refill can be used alone or with the Everlasting Treat Ball to provide a challenge for your dog.

Orbee Tough Bone - $15.95

This strong and durable dog toy bends. It twists. It bounces. It flops. But it won’t break! The Orbee Tough Bone for dogs comes in three colors and three sizes. But no matter what size or color you choose, you’ll love the way your dog can play and play and play with the Orbee Tough Bone, without tearing or puncturing the durable, flexible, wickedly strong toy for dogs! The Orbee Tough Bone for dogs is non-toxic, rinses clean, and will give you and your dog hours of entertainment. Also has a scent of peppermint!
I bought the above three items one time from some expensive dog store place called Moochie & Co. I thought shelling out the big bucks would translate to success on the dog entertainment field. I was wrong. Within about 20 minutes, Bo had ripped a chunk out of Orbee bone, ate the "everlasting" refill stuff, and tore the everlasting ball in half. I might as well have taken $50, covered it in human hair, pissed on it, and set it on fire. Because that's about the feeling I had after I realized the aftermath of the Wrath of Bo that had swept through my living room.

Currently I have a few options. I take a medium size milk bone, break it in half, and shove it into a Kong. Somehow he is able to rip the milk bone out of the Kong faster than the time it takes me to cram it in there. I think this concept it ideally what I'm looking for, but just something that takes him an hour to get the treat out instead of 3 seconds. I also give him those greasy raw hide bones. He chews the brown stuff off of them like a school of piranhas devouring a cow and leaves the bone clean and white. He gnaws on these bones occasionally. He really likes them when I put a little bit of peanut butter in them for him to lick out. This option isn't the greatest because it gives him God awful gas and diarrhea. He also drops the bones on my wooden floor constantly and makes it impossible to concentrate. My last option is a set of plastic keys that he loves. He chews them up and they last a long time, but since they aren't coated in grease or stuffed with a treat, he doesn't spend too much time playing with them. Anything with stuffing or filled with cotton is out of the question. So is anything with a squeaker in it.

My name is Kyle.
My favorite color is blue.
My quest is to seek some sort of dog toy that is indestructible and can be filled with a treat that is extremely difficult to pry out of said indestructible dog toy that can entertain my dog's thoughts for countless hours.

Does such a thing exist?!

Apr 21, 2010

Spitting Lizard

Today's blog is about dinosaurs. Angry, angry, dinosaurs. A recent submission to Urban Dictionary compliments of a Dr. Partee details the following:

Spitting Lizard:

After receiving oral sex, the girl refuses the load by screaming, putting her hands up like a hood, and spitting the cum back in your face like a dilophosaurus in Jurassic Park instantly blinding the victim.

I was temporarily blinded by that crazy whore after she gave me the spitting lizard!

Apr 19, 2010

Feeling Old

Over the weekend I had a conversation with a 5th grader. The topic of our discussion was the classic "hacker" talk. Curiosity got the best of me and I decided to pick his brain to see where 5th graders are now as opposed to where I was at back in 1995 when I was in the 5th grade. Whenever I hear a kid say "hacker" I immediately think of the girl from Jurassic Park that hacks into fat Dennis Nedry's computer and saves the world from becoming Dino snacks.

"A Linux system...I know this...ZOMG I am leetzorz I'm about to pwn this fat bastard! Mom! Bathroom!"

So I went on to explain how things were back in the day. Aside from walking to school in the snow, up hill both ways, circa 1995 was the time of the computer. We got our first 486 turbo the year before. The coolest thing ever was booting up in DOS and type C:\win to log into Windows 3.1. And don't even get me started on the glory of the Windows 95 release. AOL was the norm. And that was assuming you could connect to it via modem. I dreamed of the day a second phone line would be installed in the house so that I could enjoy my slow ass AOL experience without the hassle of having to get off so someone could make a phone call. Cell phones did not exist.

Gaming consisted of Nintendo, Sega, and Super Nintendo. If one was lucky, they could go to the movie theatre and pump quarters into the Mortal Kombat 2 arcade 'til next week's milk money ran dry. When it came to playing games on the computer, they were installed with multiple 3 1/2 inch floppy disks. You knew it was a sweet game if it came with a billion disks to load. The game of choice for me was Duke Nukem. The alternatives were Doom and Wolf 3D. All beaten several times. Countless hours spent mastering the first person blow em up experience. The era of online gaming began. It blew the brains out of the back of my head about how badass it was to connect with my friend a few miles down the street and slug it out for a few hours with a little Duke Nukem action. C:\duke3d\duke3d - "Come get some!" If a typical gaming session last 3 hours, 2.5 of those hours would be spent trying to get the connection to work. "Hey, I'm going to get this shit going, so on the count of three hang of the phone and hit ok? 1...2...3...GO!"

That was 1995 in a nutshell for me. So I asked the 5th grader if he had ever heard of Duke Nukem, Doom, or Wolfenstein. In response, I got a blank stare. Flabbergasted, I might as well have asked him something in another language. I asked him if he had heard of Halo, which to my delight he had, but stated that it was "old." I guess that makes me ::gulp:: old too. WTF?! Even though I'm 26, I still feel like I have the mentality of a mature 18 year old. I was scared to ask him if he knew who He-Man, the Thundercats, or TMNT were. The conversation drifted from the unknown to talking about the difference between iPods and iPhones. He had an iPod. I have both. And I made sure he knew that. Win?

Apr 14, 2010

It's A Sign!

On my way home from work I made a mental note to pick up some delicious Oberon for my return up to Ann Arbor this weekend to tailgate for the Spring Game. I always get a kick out of the Facebook security codes, and this one tops the list. Thanks Facebook for the friendly reminder.

Apr 13, 2010

Weekend of Destiny: Recap

Allllllllright! So I finally have a chance to sit down for a second to go over the events that transpired this weekend. I was hoping to do this immediately after the race on Saturday and then again on Sunday, but yeah...that didn't really work out so well. For those of you not caught up with my thought process on running two marathons in a weekend, here is a quick summary to get you caught up to speed. First, I set a goal for myself in 2010 to become a member of the Marathon Maniacs club, which is a group of crazy runners. In January, I set out to achieve this goal by doing the Goofy Challenge down in Disney World earlier this year in January. The Goofy Challenge was a Half Marathon on Saturday and a full Marathon the next day. I thought this would get me into the Marathon Maniacs, but I was wrong. I scrambled around to run another marathon the following weekend in January, but that didn't work out. After reviewing the criteria, I decided to run two marathons in two days, and the best opportunity to do this was this past weekend.

The night before a marathon or leaving to go on a trip to run a marathon is what I describe as the "Christmas Eve Jitters." Just like the night before Santa comes to town and I am up all night in anticipation for presents, the same can be applied to the day before a race. I am more anxious than nervous or scared and the excitement that comes from this causes me to not sleep. On Thursday night, by the time 5am rolled around I decided to go to my parents and pass out in fear that I would sleep in. So I packed up the car, got to their place, and face planted on the couch.

When I woke up, dad and PorkRice were packing up the rest of their stuff and getting ready to head out. I also woke up to one of their dogs, Sammy, in my face. To put it gently, he was rather "excited" to see me. I snapped a picture to prove it, and this would turn into a laughable inside joke for the rest of the weekend knows as Sammy's "Dick of the Day" picture. Yes, we are quite the odd family. I managed to eat a couple hard boiled eggs before we set out to Michigan. This would lead to the next ongoing theme for the day, which was funny for me, no-so-funny for dad and PR. Hard boiled eggs+me=Norwegian Death Spiral. The three hour car ride was filled with remarks such as "Ohhh God Damnit!...Did you shit?...Quit it!...FUCK!" Eventually we arrived at our destination in Dearborn Heights, Michigan. This place is where Henry Ford grew up, so it's the birthplace of the automobile. I found it interesting that we left the place that invented flight and ended up in the place that invented cars. Any who, we got to the hotel which was the host hotel for the race.

It was really classy, but similar to my experience at Disney, had one major fault. Checkout time was noon. Standard procedure. The problem with this is that at noon we would still be running. Dad was able to get the time bumped back to 2pm, but still, that would leave us only 30 minutes to return from the race, pack, shower, and get the hell out of there. We decided to just prep the car and not even return after the race. Seriously, if a hotel is going to host a marathon, they need to accommodate for slow runners. And a 7am breakfast when the race starts at 7:30am is a little unrealistic as well. After we checked in, we hit up the race expo that was just down the street. The expo was filled up with balloon aliens and vendors selling crap.

We picked up the race packets, walked around a bit, and took off. For a Martian Marathon, I really didn't get a "alien" vibe aside from all the inflatable creatures. Meh. Leaving the expo,
it was food time. We opted for BD's Mongolian Grill.

Driving through the city, which was entirely under construction, we found it annoying to navigate because of the whole No Left Turn thing. We got to BDMG and ate a giant plate of meats. Afterwards, we went back to the hotel and settled in for the night. I lit up the room with more hard boiled egg gas and ate a bunch of junk.

When bed time rolled around, we watched a TV show about a preacher that killed his wife, slept with other married women in his church, and even convinced his mother-in-law to sleep with him. Disgusting. I really didn't sleep well, and before I knew it, my He-Man cartoon theme song alarm clock was going off, which meant the Weekend of Destiny was now in full swing.

We had to park a couple blocks away from the starting line. It was kind of cold outside and I wasn't in a huge hurry to stand outside any longer than necessary. When we made it to the staging area, we waited in line for the pissers. Someone who used the Port-O-John before me dropped off a huge Havana Omelet in the bottom of the dumpster hole. Yum. I finished up my business and then stood around for a little bit before it started. I had some time to kill so I snapped a few pics.

I still didn't have a feeling of "holy moly I am surrounded by aliens in this kick ass Martian Marathon!" No space ships in site, or even people dressed up as aliens. Meh x2. The race started and I did my thing. I took it easy because I knew I would have to do it all again the next day. For the most part, I felt fine physically. The course was a little rough because of all the road construction and rocks everywhere on the side of the roads. I ended up getting a couple in my shoe but kept running because I didn't think I could bend over and take my shoe off and continue running. Since I was running mostly on the side of the road, I came across tons of road kill. I saw a dead cardinal. I also saw a dead rat fetus. Dad and PorkRice saw it too, and PR said if he stepped on it and it's mung juice squirted on him that the race probably would have ended right then and there for him. I saw one pothole in the road that would instantly blow up a car if it hit it. Right around that pothole was a small pebble that I stared at, and then stepped on for some reason, and this caused me to roll my ankle. Thankfully it didn't do any damage, but it's always scary when the ankle rolls. The water stations were every two miles. This wasn't so bad during the first part of the race, but it sucked for the last few miles. The stations had water and Gatorade, but the Gatorade was diluted so much that it tasted like shit. I wore my Michigan shirt so I got plenty of "Go Blues" which I enjoyed. Around Mile 20 or so I caught up with PorkRice and we fast walked the rest of the way. When we got to the last stretch, he took of sprinting and beat two people that were ahead of us. I started cracking up and finished a few moments after him. By the time we got our shoe tags cut off, dad was crossing the finish line. I took a bad ass video of him crossing the finish line, but someone texted me during the video and I lost it somehow!

After the race, I wondered aimlessly and picked up The Dark Knight, then grabbed my two companions and drove back to Dayton. We got back in record time to my parent's place. I picked up Mr. Bo and retreated to my house and slipped into a mild coma. No pre-race restlessness.

I woke up at about 5:45am and called my dad to see how he was feeling. He suggested that I take a bath so my legs could loosen up. My vampire eyes were not adjusted to any light source so I had to unscrew 4/5 light bulbs in my bathroom prior to laying in the tub. I was curled up in the fetal position for about an hour. It was kind of dreadful. It did help though, so +1 to Greg Terry. He showed up at my place at 7am and we headed out to Xenia. Since I had a hellacious amount of sunburn on my face, I decided to wear the only had I had that fit my head for the race.

A bad sign for running a marathon is having difficulty getting out of the car before the race. Next was the chaffing feeling on the area where the buttcheek meets the leg. I thought I took care of that after the bath, but I guess not. I chucked a half bottle of baby powder down there and that seemed to do the trick. The first couple miles of the race race were easy going. My hat was a huge fan favorite. One guy told me, "You might need to move a little faster if you want that propeller to work." By the time Mile 9 rolled around, I started feeling the effects of so much running in so little time. There was a stretch from 9-13 that was horrendous. The sun was beating down on me and I had to strip down and I had to take off my long sleeve shirt and tie it around my waste. It took a couple minutes to do that simple task. Also while running, a couple times I thought about the thrill of crossing the finish line. For some reason, this causes me to get a little "emotional" I guess in a weird way that has happened in all of my previous races. I think it is a combination of running a marathon and having people there to cheer for you afterwards, but the side-effects cause me to hyperventalate for a few seconds. Not so good when my body is already passed shut down mode. The water stations were a million times better than the Martian Marathon. There were a variety of Gatorade flavors. It's nice to mix it up. One station had a giant bowl of M&Ms that I couldn't resist. I filled up a cup full of them and threw it down the hatch. I was spitting up thick chocolate goo until the next water station, but damn was it good. At some point I reached the events that I detailed in yesterday's blog.

When we crossed the finish line, they were all out of medals, so I settled for a couple glory pictures and a Mountain Dew.

When we got home, I pulled up the last email I had from the Marathon Maniacs guru that told me that I did not meet the criteria for my previous efforts. I shot him a new email, told him what I did, and about an hour later he welcomed me to the club. Bada-bing bada-bang. Even though I still feel like shit two days later, life is peachy.
Apr 11, 2010

Quick Update

Hey folks. Just checking in real quick to let you all know I survived the dual marathons. As you can tell by the picture, I am sunburned to Hell and back. Morale is at 100%. The ability to perform basic physical functions, such as walking, rolling over on a bed, or sitting on a toilet, is about at a 0.05%. I'll have a big blog update detailing all the fun tomorrow. Cheers.
Apr 8, 2010

UFO Conspiracies

I Googled "UFO conspiracies" and the first hit brought up a link to wikipedia's informative database of knowledge. I clicked on the link and scrolled through the history of alien sightings. I think it's safe to say that the most popular UFO/weather balloon sighting was the Roswell incident back in 1947.

Interestingly enough, the description of Roswell caught my eye because it mentioned Wright-Patterson Air Force Base.

In 1947, the United States Air Force issued a press release stating that a "flying disk" had been recovered near Roswell, New Mexico. This press release was quickly withdrawn, and officials stated that a weather balloon had been misidentified. The Roswell case quickly faded even from the attention of most UFOlogists until the 1970s. There has been continued speculation that an alien spacecraft did indeed crash near Roswell despite the official denial. For example, retired Brigadier GeneralArthur E. Exon, former commanding officer of Wright-Patterson AFB, told researchers Kevin Randle and Donald Schmitt that a spacecraft had in fact crashed, alien bodies were recovered, and the event was covered up by the U.S. government. Exon further claimed he was aware of a very secretive UFO controlling committee made up primarily of very high-ranking military officers and intelligence people. His nickname for this group was "The Unholy Thirteen"
For my faithful readers outside of Dayton, Ohio area scratching their heads asking "so what's the big deal about this Air Force base," the big deal is that this base is about 3 minutes from my house. At one time, WPAFB was #3 on the list of targets if the U.S. was to be attacked. Why is WPAFB so important? They've got aliens, that's why.

Growing up, I bought into the rumors that Wright-Patt housed the alien cargo from the Roswell wreckage. If you drive by the base, you don't really get the whole Area 51 vibe that if you look at it directly or get to close a black van full of secret Feds is going to pull you over. Looks can be deceiving, though. On the surface, WPAFB is your typical base. It's surrounded by a tall barbed-wire fence, there are landing strips, hangars, building, planes, and all that fun stuff. Well that's only 1/3 of the base. The other 2/3 of it is underground. It's in this secret underground part that the aliens are kept. I've heard of classified meetings that took place inside of vaults, that were inside of vaults, that were inside of more vaults. Pretty secretive if you ask me.

I went back to Google and typed in "Wright Patterson Air Force Base aliens." The first hit went to abovetopsecret.com. They have a interesting write-up on the WPAFB-UFO connection, which I will copy and paste for your enlightenment.

Aviation research and development has flourished in Dayton, Ohio where large flying fields were established in 1917. First, McCook Field was built at what is now the intersection of State Route 4 and Interstate 75. Then Wilbur Wright Field was established where the present runway is. In 1924, Wright Field was established on land donated by the community.

On July 6, 1931, Wilbur Wright Field was renamed Patterson Field after Lt. Frank Patterson, who had been killed there in the crash of a DH-4 while flight testing the synchronization of machine gun and propeller. In 1948, the fields became one installation, Wright-Patterson Air Force Base.

Today, as in the early 1900s, Wright-Patterson is where weapon systems of the future are conceived, tested, modified, and tested again until worthy of acceptance as part of the most responsive deterrent force in the history of military aviation.

Yesterday-Today-Tomorrow. That is what Wright-Patterson is all about. A heritage of a legendary past spurs aerospace logisticians, engineers, and scientists in a quest to "keep em flying", faster, higher, further, and safer than man has ever flown before.

Recently, Wright-Patterson AFB has become very well-known among UFO researchers and theorists due to its connection with the Roswell incident of July 1947. This is one of the locations, alongside the Groom Lake/Area51 installation in Nevada, where wreckage of a crashed UFO as well as alien bodies were shipped. Wreckage of the craft was shipped directly to Ohio aboard a B-29 after the mysterious crash and placed in the infamous Hangar 18.

The crash of a 100ft in diameter saucer with 16 dead aliens aboard near Aztec, New Mexico in 1948, had its remains sent to Wright-Patterson AFB shortly thereafter.

Wright-Patterson has become a haven for UFO folklore and stories, mainly due to its history with the controversial subject of alien landings, sightings and government conspiracy.

From 1947 to 1969, the Air Force investigated Unidentified Flying Objects under Project Blue Book. The project, headquartered at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, Ohio, was terminated 17 December 1969. Of a total of 12,618 sightings reported to Project Blue Book, 701 remained "unidentified."

Some believe Wright-Patterson to be a top-secret UFO monitoring and research station, which considering its past programs, doesn't seem unreasonable at all.

Interesting points relating to Wright-Patterson AFB:

  • In a book by Jean-Charles Fumoux in 1981 entitled "Preuves Scientifiques OVNI", the author relates how Leon B. Visse, an alleged expert on histons (elements connected with cellular genetic material) was invited in 1959 to a military compound at Wright-Patterson AFB, where he was asked to perform an experiment on the histonic weight of particular cells. Visse was later taken into a special room where he viewed two humanoid corpses.
  • A researcher known as Tommy Blann interviewed a Colonel "X" who said, "In the earlier years they had taken some bodies to this base, but later it depended on where they were found. They had a hell of a time setting up procedures for this operation, as well as getting craft out of the area without it being observed. Usually this was done at night time." Colonel"X" also told Blann that he believed that in more recent years the bodies were flown outside the U.S. to a secret naval installation on an island in the Pacific.
  • Senator Barry Goldwater was denied access into a building at Wright Patterson AFB because it was classified Above Top Secret

Still interested?

Unexplainable.net has a detailed report of the "vaults inside vaults inside vaults" that is worth a read.

Turd on a stick reports "Alien bodies discovered under WPAFB Hanger 18."

About.com has an article about UFOs/Aliens and states "If you want to know the truth about UFOs...Wright-Patterson is the place to go."

Ghost Hunters (the Sci Fi channel series) even checked out Wright-Patt to see if the base was "inhabited by more than [just] government employees.