Mar 30, 2010

Zombie Sighting?

I took Bo for a walk yesterday as soon as I got off of work. He was pulling his usual antics of sniffing/pissing on everything around him when I decided I would use this opportunity to take a picture of him for the "Bo Pic of the Day." After I snapped the picture, we turned the corner and starting walking up the hill around the block. That's about the time I heard this weird sound. The best way to describe it would be if you stuck your tongue out of your mouth, pinched it with your thumb and index finger, and then shouted "Nuh....nuh...NUHHHHH" over and over again.

[edit: see video below that I captured in the field]

As I looked up, I noticed a woman standing in the middle of the street, waving her arms erratically, spouting off a series of incoherent "nuhhhhs." Then, my attention shifted to a dog sprinting straight towards me. I keep Bo on a short leash for situations such as these, so immediately I reached down and picked him up, then hoisted him over my head and out of harms way. A second later, the dog - or hell beast rather, was right on me. He didn't touch me, but God knows what would have escalated if Bo would have still been on the ground.

"Nuhh...nuhhh...NUHHHHHH." The dog then took off and ran out of sight. I looked back up at the retard in the street who was now making her way to her car. As she climbed in it, to pursue the dog I'm assuming, the mutt came rolling around the corner and ran back at me again. "NUHHHH!" By this point, I'm not really sure what the shit is going on. I held Bo up over my head in one hand, and kept my left hand cocked and ready to uppercut either the dog or the lady if they came any closer to me. "Nuhhhhh..." The dog must have read my mind, because he kept on running passed me, and then passed the lady. She got back out of her car, and went after him. I yelled out "Hey! Here he comes!" in which she responded with a (surprise) "Nuhhh NUHHHH." Really? The dog then veered towards the lady and then hopped in the car. She slammed the door shut and then started pounding on the window. "Nuhh nuhhh...nuhhhhh...NUHHHH!" Then she walked back in the middle of the street, waved, and gave me one last "NUHHHH" for good measure. "Yeah...same to you lady."

So yeah, that's a true story. I can't make this shit up. The dog looked like some sort of spotted hyena/reanimated pet cemetery breed. Throwing all rational explanations out the window, I immediately concluded that they were both zombies. What else could it be? I'm not sure. Perhaps the lady didn't have a tongue, hence the "nuhhhhs." Or some sort of mental handicap which prevented her from speaking any sort of recognizable language. Even more mind-boggling was the fact that she was driving a car. With a zombie dog inside, at that.

Thinking back on it, there have been a few weird coincidences that have happened recently that also randomly involved me. On Saturday, I went to Kroger to get some dog food for Bo. When I walked out of the store, I unloaded my cart and noticed there was a full shopping cart slammed into the back of a car two spots over from mine. I went to put my cart in the corral (which is totally unlike me, because I normally just shove them as hard as I can into the middle of no man's land in the parking lot...and before you judge, I was a bag boy at Kroger one summer, so I am entitled to such privileges) and noticed that there was an old lady on the ground, unable to get up, even with the assistance of her old husband. I ran over and did my good deed for the century and lifted her up and gently placed her in the passenger seat. She thanked me for my efforts and I went on my merry way. Thinking back on it, I wonder if she fell ill to a zombie outbreak?

Furthermore, when I left the gym last night I passed by The Pub. Parked outside were two firetrucks and a large horde of people. On the curb I saw the medics gathered around someone who was lying on the ground. Maybe they had too much to drink. Maybe it was a heart attack. Maybe...just was a zombie bite?

Something is not adding up here. I always find myself in weird situations. Regardless, I will be keeping my zombie kit close by just in case shit hits the fan. Over and out.