Feb 28, 2010

In the 14th Century, Dante Alighieri wrote a masterful poem entitled Divine Comedy. It is broken up into three parts: Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven. The first part of the poem, Inferno, is about a little journey taken by Dante through the different levels of Hell. At each level, also referred to as a circle, or ring, Dante encounters sinners that screwed up royally when they were alive. Now, they must spend eternity acting out some sort of symbolic penalty that mirrors the horrible deeds committed while they were amongst the living on Earth. Some of the people he runs into were well-known individuals, both alive and dead, during the time he wrote the poem. Whether or not you studied Inferno at some educational level, this poem resurfaces in some reference or another nearly 700 years later. I think it will be interesting to take a look at Dante’s Inferno from a “then and now perspective,” dust off the Judgment Hat, and figure out where people from the modern-era would end up in this version of Hell.

If you’re unfamiliar with how the circles of Hell are detailed, pretend that the Earth is cut in half. When you are alive, you are up on the surface of the Earth, just like you are today. If you’re a good boy or girl, when you die, you go up to the sky, which is Heaven. If you lived a bad life, when you kicked the bucket, you would spend the rest of your days at some level near the core of the Earth, or Hell. I went back and forth on creating a diagram to show how this all works, but decided to just include a few examples here instead. They can be hard to read, but you should get the idea.

Circle #1 - Limbo

Details: In the First Circle of Hell are those stuck in Limbo for eternity. Limbo is considered to be the edge of Hell, and is reserved for those who were either unbaptized or did not accept Jesus in their lives. In theory, they may have been “good” people but didn’t meet one of the two qualifications to make the journey into the light instead. It is described to be a place with green fields and meadows with a castle for those in Limbo to live in.

Old School Attendees: Virgil, Plato

Modern Day Partygoers: Tom Cruise. Poor Tom Cruise. Instead of believing in Jesus, he believes that the aliens that he battled in War of the Worlds will have a change of heart and come back to save him when his time is up, just like they supposedly reincarnated his body into a top gun pilot and action movie star. Sorry Tom, but Scientology is for suckers. Have fun playing limbo in Limbo with Gandhi & pals.

We’re all familiar with the references of Peter standing at the pearly gates allowing people into heaven. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Hell’s gatekeeper is a big as dragon looking creature named Minos. Instead of checking off a shiny list and being the center of many joke punch lines like Peter is, Minos has a tail that he uses when he casts final judgment on sinners. The number of times he wraps the tail around his body represents the level of Hell that the next person up in line gets to rot in forever. Passing through the fiery gates of doom is the Second Circle of Hell.

Circle #2 – The Lustful

Details: The Second Circle of Hell is host to the people who made sex the #1 priority in their lives and God #2. As punishment, they are blown (no pun intended) around in the air by a strong wind with all the other nymphos, but are unable to make physical contact.

Old School Attendees: Francesa and Paolo. Cleopatra

Modern Day Partygoers: There are a lot of Hollywood whores that fit this bill. Cough. Paris Hilton. Cough. Cough. But I’m going to have to go with the toe thumb on this one, a la Megan Fox. I’m not sure who she is sleeping around with these days, but at one point she was dating 90210’s Brian Austin Green. In defense of getting dubbed one of The Lustful in the second circle of Hell, here is what Megan Fox had to say in an online interview with a men’s magazine, and I quote,
“I really enjoy having sex, and that’s offensive to some people. Women are the quickest to call other women sluts, which I think is sad…I haven’t met a lot of men who have said, ‘You like having sex? What a dirty whore you are.’ I’m young and have a lot of hormones—I’m always in the mood! But I like sex with one person when I’m in a relationship. Sex with random people who I’ve met at clubs is not really my thing…I have the libido of a 15-year-old boy. My sex drive is so high. I’d rather have sex with Brian all the time than leave the house. He doesn’t mind.”
In summary, she doesn’t want to leave the house, maybe to go to Church, and instead would prefer to stay home and have sex. That sounds like a Sex = Numero Uno, God = Number Dos, to me. Judges? Ding ding ding.

Moving on, we come to the Third Circle of Hell, Home of the Fat Bastards.

Circle #3 – The Gluttons

Details: The Third Circle of Hell is an “All-You-Can-Eat” buffet with nothing on the menu but a hot, stinking pile of shit. The circle is totally covered in poo. People are stuck in the dumpster juice up to the waist while crap rains on them from up above. This symbolizes the garbage they conjured up in life by spending their time consumed in food and drink. To top it off, they are guarded by three-headed dog named Cerbeus. He’s a cute little pooch and loves his milk bones.

Old School Attendees: Ciacco

Modern Day Partygoers: Sally Struthers.

This one is obvious. I’m sorry, but I can’t take an obese person seriously who asks for my hard-earned $1 to save the starving children in Africa. I wonder where all that cash is actually going? And what was Sally Struthers thinking? Surely she didn’t believe people would buy the “But think of the children…I know I’m pushing three bills, but poor Starvin’ Marvin is, well, starving. I’m not going to give him the ham hock I have duct taped to my back because I’m saving it for later, but maybe I can convince all the gullible people at home to send money my way and I’ll pretend to help, but instead continue eating and being a giant wildebeest for the rest of my life” routine.

Circle #4 – The Hoarders and The Spendthrifts

Details: The Fourth Circle of Hell is the final stop for the greedy people who didn’t think about anything else but money. It is split into two different categories of people. On one side are those that spent all the money they had on material goods and prioritized making more money to turn around and spend it again. An example of this type of act would be the people that bolt to the bank on payday to cash their check, and then make a pit stop at the liquor store on the way home to spend it all on booze for the weekend, only to repeat the process on the following payday. Another example would be the guy that gets laid off and gets a huge severance package, and then goes and blows it on a fancy car or motorcycle and then is back in the same financial situation, if not worse, than he was before. On the other end are the types of people that kept collections of some sort of prized possession or fortune of money and never shared it with others. An example of this would be a person that has a giant comic book or baseball card collection in their basement but won’t let anyone look at them. The punishment for being a greedy bastard in the fourth circle is a little difficult to explain, but it’s basically a never-ending battle between the two groups of people that smash giant boulders against one another.

Old School Attendees: Random clergymen, popes, cardinals

Modern Day Partygoers: Kenneth Lay, Enron Corporation. Nothing screams greed like the Enron Scandal. As the founder and CEO of the Enron Corporation, Kenneth Lay took advantage of accounting loopholes and practically wrote the book on unethical business practices. Eventually, it all backfired on him and around $11 billion dollars was lost by shareholders when it’s stocks fell through the roof. Not only was he focused on nothing but money, but he caused severe negative financial repercussions for all those who were employed or had investments in the company. In the fourth circle are also people who were guilty of both being a hoarder and a spender. These people were caught in the middle of the two groups as they smashed the giant boulders together. This would be where Ken will end up.

Come sail away towards the Fifth Circle of Hell on a swampy river named after the classic rock band, Styx…

Circle #5 – The Wrathful and The Sullen

Details: The Fifth Circle of Hell, much like its predecessor, contains two types of sinners; The Wrathful and The Sullen. These people have an on-going deathmatch against one another, but also against themselves. Scattered throughout the Styx River, The Wrathful bite and claw their own bodies. Their counterparts, The Sullen, lie at the bottom of the river, sulking for eternity.

Old School Attendees: Filippo Argenti

Modern Day Partygoers: Hollywood is filled up with short-tempered, angry, wrathful celebrities. Russell Crowe and Christian Bale come to mind, but they are too bad-ass and would have fought their way out of Hell if they ended up there. Instead, partying in the dirty Styx River would be the likes of people like Naomi Campbell, J-Lo, Shannon Doherty, Courtney Love, and Chris Brown. Each of these people have made headlines through their violent outbursts with either co-stars, significant others, or random people caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. I’ll even throw Tyra Banks in here for shits and giggles just because her and Naomi duked it out. Not to point fingers, but these people will probably end up in Hell anyway, and this seems like a good place for them to tangle.

The Styx River separates Upper and Lower Hell. On the other side of the river is a city called Dis, home to a humongous castle, guarded by demons, and surrounded by fire and brimstone. Medusa hangs out here sometimes and turns any unfortunate people who happen to be lurking outside of the castle into stone.

Circle #6 – The Heretics

Details: The Sixth Circle of Hell houses The Heretics, convicted of heresy for denying the theory of an afterlife and that each person has a soul. I’ve always said that it’s better to believe in God, die, and find out that there isn’t a God, rather than not believing in God, die, and find out that there is in fact one. The sixth layer, located in the city of Dis, is when the punishments start getting much worse off. It is divided into two different parts. The first part is outside in the dry, barren grounds around the city. The ground is covered with shallow graves or pits just big enough for the body of an unfortunate heretic to fit in. The hole is encased in flame, and a hot cement slab is placed over the top of grave and the poor sap inside. The second part is inside a mausoleum in the city. It’s actually a nice, air conditioned spot, with music playing and paintings on the wall. Here are the unbelievers, trapped in their individual tombs. They can tell how good it is on the outside, but can’t do much about it since they are locked in a box. Shun the non-believers, shunnnnnnnnnn.

Old School Attendees: Farinata degli Uberti, Cavalcante de' Cavalcanti

Modern Day Partygoers: I came across a list of “notable individuals who have been public about their lack of belief in deities…who have no need for gods and some who have no need for the supernatural” at www.celebatheists.com. Each of them will have a fiery grave in the sixth layer. Here are some of the highlights: Woody Allen, Lance Armstrong, Warren Buffett,James Cameron, George Carlin, Adam Carolla, John Carpenter, Fidel Castro, Rodney Dangerfield, Larry Flynt, Jodie Foster, Janeane Garofalo, Bill Gates, Katharine Hepburn,Billy Joel, Angelina Jolie, Diane Keaton, Bruce Lee, James Lipton, Bill Maher, John Malkovich, Barry Manilow, Todd McFarlane, Sir Ian McKellen, Arthur Miller, Frank Miller, Marvin Minsky,Julianne Moore, Randy Newman, Mike Nichols, Jack Nicholson, Gary Numan, Keanu Reeves, Joe Rogan, Andy Rooney, Howard Stern, Ted Williams

Circle #7 – The Violent, the Suicides, the Blasphemers, the Sodomites, the Usurers

Details: The Seventh Circle of Hell is guarded by a pissed off Minotaur, who ironically, also suffers from anger and violence. It consists of three different kinds of rings; Violence against others, Violence against self, and Violence against God and nature.

The first ring is a river of boiling blood. People who were violent against others, such as murderers, are found here. The depth of the river that they must stand in is determined by how bad they were on Earth, varying between ankle deep and laying in the deep end.

The second ring is a forest that is filled up with harpies. A harpy is a half-man, half-bird like creature that is very pesky and annoying. People who committed suicide are reincarnated into trees in the second ring. The harpies beat on these trees, and snap off branches and twigs. They bleed, but grow back, and the cycle is repeated.

The third ring is a desert of burning sand. People who cursed God’s name, did the anal deed, or lent money at high interest rates are found here. The blasphemers have to lay on the hot sand while it rains burning sand on their bodies. The sodomites have to walk around the sands naked. The usurers are hidden behind layers of clothing and must walk around with giant bags of money dangling from their necks.

Old School Attendees: Alexander the Great, Pier delle Vigme, Emperor Frederick II

Modern Day Partygoers: The violence against others award goes to serial killers such as Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, and OJ Simpson. When I was in the 4th grade, I remember telling my teacher a joke about Jeffrey Dahmer along the lines of “Hey, do you know Dahmer just died in prison?” “No I didn’t know that.” “Yeah he did. His last words were ‘Eat me.’” Ohhh boy. And of course there’s the personal favorite line whenever someone is drinking orange juice, “You know, coffee is bad for you, but O.J. can kill ya!” The violence against self award goes to Kurt Cobain for the shotgun blast to the face. I don’t have any sympathy for people that commit suicide, so moving on. The violence against God or nature award goes to Credit Card companies. In the Godfather movie, Marlon Brando says “A lawyer can steal more with his briefcase than can a hundred guys with machine guns.” If you substitute lawyer with credit card companies, or other financial lending services for that matter, and you can make your own assumptions. Burn baby burn.

Circle #8 – The Fraudulent, the Pimps, the Seducers, the Corrupt, the Falsifiers, the Alchemists, the Thieves

Details: The Eighth Circle of Hell is home to all of those sinners that used fraud to take advantage of others. It is split into ten different ditches, called Bolgias, that each group of fraudulent people must wonder through. Some of these punishments range from: pimps walking forever in a line in one direction, and ho’s walk in a line in the other direction; false-advertisers wading through a big pile of crap; corrupt church officials buried head first in a hole and getting their feet lit on fire; fortune tellers having their heads twisted around backwards, and so on and so forth.

Old School Attendees: Jason, Ulysses, Pope Boniface VIII, Muhammad, Henry II,

Modern Day Partygoers: Miss Cleo. In the late 90s, a fat lesbian and self-proclaimed Jamaican psychic flashed across late-night television sets all over the U.S. While it is partially the faults of the idiots that called in and paid her money to get her bogus fortunes, Miss Cleo lied all the way to the bank, apparently earning over $10 million dollars. To top it off, she never paid any of her cast members, and said that she needed the money to treat a bone cancer that she never really had. There is a special place in Hell for people like this. Sorry Miss Cleo. But if you are as good as you claim to be, you should have seen it coming.

Circle #9 – The Sinners against family, the Betrayers, the Traitors against country

Details: The Ninth Circle of Hell includes those sinners that turned their backs on their family, their God, and their country. The traitors are cased in a frozen lake based on the severity of their treason. People that betrayed their family are frozen so that only their face is exposed from the frozen lake. People that betrayed their country are frozen up to their necks, so that only their heads are sticking above the ice. People that betrayed their guests or host have their backs frozen on the lake, and their eyes are sealed shut, iced over from all their tears. People who betrayed their benefactors are entirely frozen in ice.

Old School Attendees: Nimrod, Ephialtes

Modern Day Partygoers: The Hollywood scene is pretty calm when it comes to treason. Instead, I’ll go ahead and pick some people that are anti-war instead. Martin Sheen. Tim Robbins. Susan Sarandon. Dixie Chicks. Janeane Garofalo (if she made it out of the atheist circle of Hell).

Center of Hell

Details: In the center of Hell is the Devil himself. In Dante’s version, Satan has three mouths. In each mouth are the worst of the worst. He chews on them for infinity. It’s pretty bad stuff.

Old School Attendees: Brutus and Cassius, Julius Caesar, Judas

Modern Day Partygoers: Hitler. Insert Hitler paper that I discussed on an earlier blog that goes incredible detail on why he is in the mouth of Satan right here: ______________

Feb 27, 2010

Back To Bloggin'

After spending quite a few hours fixing the blog, I think it is safe to say I can return to actually blogging instead of editing line after line of HTML code. Earlier this week the site that hosted all of the images for my blog's template went down, so I had to play Mr. Fix it and upload the files to another place and make sure everything looked perfect. While I was at it, I tweaked a few other things and added some new elements to the site as well. It's really an on-going process and I could literally spend all of the allotted time I have for writing blogs to improving the look and feel of the blog itself. When shit hit the fan earlier this week, I sort of had to put off blogging to get the site working correctly again, and I think it's safe to say that it is now. There were a few lines of bad Javascript code I had to fix, and that was causing the slowness for the page to load. This is all very interesting stuff, I know. Almost as interesting as the entire box of Girl Scout cookies I ate today (thin mints, of course).
Feb 26, 2010


I'm changing the look of the blog again so things might look a little weird for a day or two.
Feb 25, 2010

Thursday Motivation

And here's for the geek squad:

Feb 24, 2010


We've all heard about Watergate. And then there was Clinton's Oral Office rampages via Monicagate. Super Bowl Half Time shows brought us Nipplegate. Recently, Tiger Wood's has given us much to laugh about through Tigergate.

And now we have Practicegate. Yesterday at about 1pm, my Google Reader exploded with news about the NCAA allegations against the Michigan Football program. These findings boiled down to three primary infractions:

  1. Michigan punished some players for missing summer classes by some form of physical activity, such as running the stairs at the Big House, gassers, or some kind of Barwis torture.
  2. Some members of the coaching staff, called Quality Control assistants, went above and beyond their duty by giving out pointers during films and/or workouts.
  3. Sunday football practices went over the limit by approximately 20 minutes due to time that was allotted for stretching. The stretching rule is kind of grey area in the rulebook, but apparently this is to be factored into the equation of what counts and what doesn't count.
On the surface, we have a big time football program getting slapped on the wrist for making players run a little extra for missing class in attempts to make them a better student, assistants telling players more than they should, even though the rules allow them to now, and finally...practice. We're talking about 20 minutes of extra practice for stretching. Practice. Not the game, but practice!

Original version:

Re-mix version:

Feb 23, 2010

Cause & Effect

Earlier this week I decided to write a blog about Dante's Inferno (the book, not the video game). I wanted to put some effort into it, so I have been doing some research and whatnot in preparation for all the fun-filled blogging that would follow. One of the reasons for writing about Dante's Inferno was because I wrote a kick-ass paper about it for my first college course that asked me to do so. I haven't been able to locate the paper for the reasons I will detail below, and before I could start writing about Dante's Inferno, I now have to get off my chest how I wasted the past two hours of my life due some total and complete FAIL that occurred seven years ago. If you are somewhat interested in learning how I went from ::Summer, 2002 - Happily selecting college courses for fall semester, freshman year at UD to ::February 23, 2010 - Frustration level = 10/10, house about to be burned to the ground, then keep on reading. If not, then do yourself a favor and click on the "X" in the top right-hand corner of your screen.

Summer/Fall, 2002
During the summer before my first semester at UD would begin, I sat down at the computer and selected some of the courses I wanted to take. A lot of them were general classes, but at the bottom of one of the course selection screen was a little check box that said 'Core Program' next to it. I checked it, and went on to the next page. It gave a brief description of what Core was all about. To summarize,
The Core Program offers an innovative, interdisciplinary curriculum program consisting of a sequence of courses that fulfill many of the University's General Education Requirements. These courses address a common theme, "Human Values in a Pluralistic Culture," and are carefully coordinated with one another so that students experience the integrated character of the liberal arts. Extra-curricular speakers, arts events, and other activities related to course content are an important part of the program. The 150 students selected each year represent a cross-section of new students, with differing backgrounds and abilities. Core is designed to deepen the learning experience of any interested University of Dayton student. Students from the University's four undergraduate schools – the College of Arts and Sciences, the School of Business Administration, the School of Education, and the School of Engineering – participate in the Core Program. Students can also earn credit toward the Honors Program with Core courses.

On a side note, the description did not mention anything about an honors program, and was instituted after I was all done with it - even though the workload was ridiculous and no "extra credit" was rewarded for busting my balls for two and a half years. Regardless, I signed up for Core. My first class at UD was your basic honors type of English class (but not really honors). So the curriculum was built around reading books, discussing the material, and writing papers about them. Our professor also drove in our minds time and time again that the department rarely, if ever, handed out an "A" on a paper due to the fact that "there is no perfect paper." So by that standard alone, the grade scale just got bumped down to a "D" being the norm, and if you got a "C-" you did a really good job. People were pissed. It was total hysteria when papers were handed back out.

For one particular assignment, we were tasked with writing a paper about Dante's Inferno. The requirements of the paper was that we take someone from modern day society and place them in one of the Rings of Hell and go into incredible detail about it. I picked Hitler, put him straight in Satan's mouth all the way down in the bottom of Hell, and wrote the perfect paper. If this was a song, it would be Tenacious D's "Tribute." When I got the paper back, the prof went on and on about how great my paper was, and he gave me a "B+" for my efforts.

Christmas Eve, 2003
The day before the holiest of days, my drunken cousin spilled a giant glass of wine on my laptop, mp3 player, and cell phone. The laptop was my shitty UD-issued Tangent laptop, which coincidentally housed all the papers I had written in college, including my Hitler paper. The mp3 player was brand new. The cell phone was one of those fancy (at the time) $200 Sprint camera phones. All three electronic devices were hosed. Totally shot. No chance of recovery.

January through Spring, 2004
Epic struggle with insurance company to replace laptop. I won. Enter $600 Dell Inspiron 1100.

Sometime after wine spilling and getting new laptop
I was able to transfer documents that were saved to a flash drive from my original laptop on to my new laptop. Crisis adverted.

Fall, 2006
The LCD screen on my laptop goes out. The laptop still works, the screen is just black. As a workaround, one can hook up a VGA port from the laptop to another computer and monitor and work off of that.

I hooked up my laptop to one of my monitor's, powered it up, and after some frustration involving rebooting both computers several times in weird combinations, I was able to get the laptop display to show up on one of my alternative monitors. I searched the laptop for my Hitler/Inferno paper. Zero results found. I did find some other papers I wanted to send myself, but this required a wireless Internet connection that I couldn't acquire because I didn't have my router's secured password and wasn't able to retrieve it because I couldn't see what was on my actual computer's desktop and did not want to reset the router. I cut my losses and unplugged the laptop and threw it into the corner of my room. After I hooked everything back up, I was left with two blank monitors staring back at me. Reboot. Same deal. Unplug a VGA cord. Same thing. Safe mode, VGA mode, recover last working setting, all fail. I tried every thinkable combination. Still no good. And mind you, this is what I do for a living kind of, so if it's not working, I am getting irritated by this point, which I was. The problem was that the computer was still looking for the third monitor, which was no longer there. So after two hours, I managed to get everything back to how I wanted it. And two hours later, I was exactly where I had previously started off, except this time, pissed off. So on that note, I can start to write up my Dante's Inferno blog. Cause: people are idiots. Effect: AWAL B+ Hitler paper, high blood pressure, headache, and loss of faith in humanity. Cheers.

Feb 22, 2010

Mr. Mucus

Sometimes when I'm sick, I spend a few days coughing and sucking up mucus from the depths of my throat, lungs, stomach, soul, and beyond. Eventually, I will get a giant lump of garbage up, and then by some chance of fate - a miracle perhaps - I will instantly feel better. I'm still waiting for that magical moment. Hopefully today will be the day. FML.
Feb 21, 2010


Chest cold = no blog.
Feb 20, 2010

Wolfman's Got Nards!

Yesterday I discussed the influence that the Church had on the origins of eating fish on Fridays during Lent. Being the history buff that I am, I thought it would be an appropriate time to discuss the historical implications that the Church had on another issue that we deal with on daily basis: Werewolves.

Back in the 15th century, a church in France was struggling with poor economic conditions and a decline in membership. In order to get more people to join the church, and subsequently give money to the church, they decided to play scare tactics with everyone living in the area. They did this by instilling the fear that there was a werewolf lurking about in the woods that would kill all of the women and children that it could sink it's teeth into. The church used some well-written Bible propaganda to back up the terror. Here are a few of my personal favorites:

Leviticus 26:22 - I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children and destroy your cattle, and make you few in number.

Deuteronomy 32 - I will also send the teeth of beasts upon them.

Matthew 7:15 - Beware of false prophets which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

Matthew 10:16 - Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore as wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

If one wanted to avoid certain death-by-werewolf, they could become a member of the church, throw them some scratch, and live to see another day. Of course, we all know that there wasn't really a werewolf running around in the woods, but there was a creature out there, and it was killing people.

Some French dude went to Africa one time and brought back a pet hyena with him when he returned. Believe it or not, you can actually teach hyena's a few tricks. Well this guy taught the hyena to attack both women and little children. And if you ever watch Animal Planet, then you know that these beasts are pretty nasty. They are scavengers, and when they kill something, they eat it all...bones, hair, fat, gristle, and all. So basically, this guy, backed by the church, released his hyena into the public and killed a few people. This induced panic, and people flocked to the church faster than a bag of Cheetos disappears at a Weight-Watchers convention. I watched a documentary on this, so if you're asking yourself if I am full of shit, the answer is nay. The actual hyena that was used in the "werewolf" killings is actually stuffed and preserved in the archives underneath the Louvre in Paris. I've been there. It's a pretty cool place.

In case you're interested, these actions inspired a few stories you may have heard before, such as stay out of the forest or the wolf will kill you via "Little Red Riding Hood" and "Hansel and Gretel." It also lead to the persecution of about 30,000 gypsies (the church wanted to get rid of them) and contributed to the witch myth that would later bring about the Salem Witch Trials. Well! I'll be damned. Ya learn something knew every day.

If you're bored this weekend and feel like watching a werewolf movie, here are some recommendations.

If you like Jack Nicolson and Michelle Pfeiffer, this one is for you. Fun Jack Nicolson Fact of the Day: When Jack was born, his dad took off. He grew up with his mom and several sisters. After high school, he left NJ and went out to Hollywood with his older sister to pursue acting. After a few years there, his sister passed away. Once he had about 15 or so films under his belt, his mother passed away. Then he found out that his sister was actually his mother, and his mother and other sisters were his grandmother/aunts. Talk about a complete mind-fuck. If I found out news like that, I would probably look like this too:

An American Werewolf in London
This classic has one of the best, if not the best werewolf transformation scenes and was ranked #42 in Bravo's "100 Scariest Movie Moments of All Time." Here's a sneak peak if you're interested.

The Wolfman
This movie is out in theaters right now. I haven't seen it yet, but the trailers look badass. It has Benicio Del Toro (who looks like a werewolf normally) and Sir Anthony Hopkins (...nice to see you again).

The Monster Squad
The Monster Squad is a comedy/horror depicting the ultimate battle of Good vs Evil. As most of you know, when Dracula comes to town, he means business. This time around he brought a couple of his buddies along, including Wolfman, The Mummy, Frankenstein, and Gillman (Creature from the Black Lagoon). A classic line from the original movie trailer asks,

“You know who to call when you have ghosts. But who do you call when you have monsters?”

Enter The Monster Squad. The leader of a group of kids up to the challenge, Sean, says it best,

“There’s something out there…and its killing people. And if its monsters, nobody is gonna do a thing about it but us.”

Still not convinced? Here are some reasons to watch this movie:

  • It was made in the 80’s
  • Dracula, Wolfman, Mummy, Frankenstein, Creature from the Black Lagoon, all in one film
  • Cutting-edge special effects coupled with Academy Award quality acting
  • “Kick him in the nards!” “Wolfman doesn't have nards!” *kick* “Wolfman has nards!”

  • The kid from Peewee’s Big Adventure, The Wonder Years, and Back to the Future is in it
  • The incredible “We’re about to fight a bunch of monsters and need to be prepared to take ‘em out” montage
  • If The Monster Squad had an older brother, his name would be The Goonies

Feb 19, 2010

During Lent, Catholics are not allowed to eat meat on Friday. This tradition has been going on for over a thousand years. But why? To answer this question, I checked out a variety of religious experts, i.e. I typed in "Why don't catholics eat meat on Fridays?" into a Google search and started looking for answers.

On Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, Catholics between 14 and 59 are obliged to fast as well as abstain from meat. On other Fridays in Lent, Catholics, from 14 to the end of their lives, are bound to abstain from meat. The general law of the Church is that abstinence be observed on every Friday of the year (Code of Canon Law, can. 1252), but gives authority to the conference of bishops to substitute another form of penance (esp. works of piety and charity) for the Friday abstinence rule (can. 1253). Thus the U.S. Conference of Bishops has permitted the substitution of other forms of penance on Fridays of the year except in Lent. In Lent the general law of Friday abstinence is upheld, in the U.S. as elsewhere.

Jesus was a vegetarian.

Now here's where it get's interesting. It seems there may have been some economical implications into this theory as well...

The tradition of eating fish on Fridays and not other meat was, strangely enough, for ecomomical purposes.Back when the religion was smaller, most of it's members where poor fishermen.So in order to help their trade,the church decreed that all catholics should eat fish on every Friday.Eventually this was changed to be done only during Lent but it was originally done to help the fishermen's trade.

So it's not Biblical at all, eh?

The real reason for this is NOT Biblical, nor does it have anything to do with God!!! The Pope lives in Rome, Italy, and a very long time ago, the fishing industry needed to make more money, so the religious leaders decided that they would make one day a week, a meatless day, thus being ok to eat fish that day...which then became a law. The fishermen were happier now, they had more money, and could support the church!

So in other words: No meat on Friday --> People buy more fish --> Fishermen make more money --> Fishermen go to Church and spend money --> Pope profits $$$

According to a couple Atheist message boards on the topic:

The Pope's brother-in-law was in the wholesale fish business.

:: scratches chin. Ahhh, now isn't that interesting.

Many year ago the fisherman discovered how to catch more fish and were unable to sell there extra fish and wanted to week end off. It just so happened that the fisherman's wife was the mistress of the on going pope. So she held back her favours to the pope until he made it a rule for all those in his kingdom eat fish on Friday. So it is written. This question is about faith and belief not fact or imperial thinking and needs no close examination. Sort of like religion. Its all about make believe.

Good ole Atheists. Always chiming in with their two cents.

Here's something interesting. And if you happen to be a beaver and you are reading up to this point, you might want to look away:

There are two odd exceptions to this: at one point, Church authorities declared beaver meat could be considered fish; and there was a similar situation with the South American semi-aquatic mammal known as the capybara, which was also declared a "fish" for the purposes of Lent because it lived mostly in the water. Note that neither beavers nor capybara are domestic animals -- eating them wouldn't cut into the core livestock needed to maintain farms in the Spring.

In conclusion, Catholics don't eat Meat on Friday during Lent because Jesus didn't like meat, the Pope had a mistress who would hold out on sexual favors in exchange for banning meat, it's a Catholic tradition or it has nothing to do with the Bible, but most importantly...

The Pope owned a giant fish factory back in the day and made everyone buy his steamed flounder (plucked right out of the ocean, of course) so that he could make money off of it.

There you have it folks. Now get to McDonald's quick and pick up a couple Fillet-O-Fish before it's too late!