May 15, 2011

[Soundtrack: Mindless Self Indulgence - "Bring The Pain"]


The topics of this post include: The next adventurous thing I want to do; Cheese; Speculation on what the Super 8 movie monster will look like [my suggestion]; and Thor. I’ll see what I can do to merge the ideas together in a quasi-coherent ADHD block of text that hopefully makes a lick of sense. I usually try to plot out any blog that I am going to write, but for this one I am going to just sit down and type, throw in a few pictures and YouTube links, and see what happens. Time’s up. Let’s do this.

Last week I went to my doctor for a physical and blogged about how to become disqualified for a blood test faster than The Human Torch can get denied for a bank loan. Anyway, we discussed a variety of topics including the Tahoe Triple that I will run in a couple months. The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The Machine also goes to the same doctor, so he must have told him about such things prior to my appointment. I told the doc about the extra USAF marathon the week before the triple marathon, and how it would all gel together to become the most badass thing ever [see: Quadzilla]. He basically looked at me like I was crazy and was pretty much speechless for awhile. And by speechless, I mean that awkward silence that he sometimes gives me where I don’t know whether to keep on rambling about something or scratch my head and look at him with the same facial expression. After awhile, he asked me if I had any other races planned before the march of death. Immediately, I told him “no.” We continued our discussion and talked about OSU/Michigan. Somewhere during our talk about how Tressel was going to get fired eventually, I interrupted with a “Wait! There is another race I am doing...

...It is called the Tough Mudder. It is in July. Ever heard of it? No? Well basically, it is a 10-mile obstacle course that takes training concepts from the British Special Forces and combines it with a bunch of mud, jumping off cliffs, busting through burning buildings, and crawling under exposed electrical wires. It’s going to be a blast. I can’t wait.” Silence. More silence. Finally he asked where this event was taking place. Wisconsin. That’s right, home of the Super Bowl Champion Green Bay Packers… and CHEESE. [For those of you keeping track at home, that would be a Splash 1 for the "Adventure" and a Splash 2 for the hankerin' for a hunk of "Cheese."]

Moving on... So, the upcoming events occupied my thoughts this weekend. But there were other questions that needed to be answered first. On Friday night I saw Thor in 3-D.

As I have said countless times before, any movie in 3-D is kickass, Thor included. The only gripe I currently have about seeing 3-D movies is that the glasses don’t really fit my head. That’s not a problem though, because I’m going to take the “glass is half full” approach on this one and construct my own custom 3-D goggles that not only fit my head but also provide the ultimate viewing experience in theaters. This will probably become irrelevant because I got a new @pp for my phone that lets me watch movies before they come out – which completely nullifies the need to actually go to a theatre to see a movie – but we’ll see what happens. Back on topic, the Thor movie was really good.

The upcoming movie that I'm talking about is called Super 8.

In a nutshell, the movie is about a couple kids that witness a train wreck while trying to film a movie and then a monster escapes from the train and does some weird shit and probably kills people and at some point Dayton, Ohio is shown on a map and the monster is never revealed but it is either A) really stupid and will ruin the movie, B) per director JJ Abrams “Is not a monster or alien,” or C) my own speculation. Building off of point C, a couple of things immediately come to mind. First of all, if this is another Cloverfield re-make, I am going to go ahead and put my foot down right now and tell you that this movie is dog shit and don’t go see it. I don’t care if Steven Spielberg’s name flashed up on the screen. Surely, he didn’t pop in long enough with an E.T. prop and bounce just in time to get credit for coming up with an idea for the secret monster. E.T. couldn’t open a bag of Reece’s Pieces with the assistance of a 5 year old Drew Barrymore let alone bust out of a train cargo wall built of steel. So we’ll go ahead and rule that out. So my second thought was that if it wasn’t a monster or alien, then maybe it is some kind of robot. There are two kinds of robots I wouldn’t want to be killed by. The first one is the one the Beastie Boys Intergalactic robot.

Beastie Boys - Intergalactic

This would be like meeting my doom to the late-90s version of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. The second robot I thought of was the one in The Chemical Brothers music video, “Believe.”

The Chemical Brothers - Believe

Assuming I was hopped up on LSD, this would probably be my worst nightmare, and the more logical guess of a robot between that and it’s intergalactic counterpart. My next Super 8 monster guess is a 50 foot tall Fran Drescher.


Her super power that eventually leads to the demise of the world would be that annoying “ahhhhhh” sound that she makes. On a side note, but speaking of 50 foot tall women, I read last night that a 1950s Playboy Playmate was found dead at the ripe old age of 82. Her credentials included Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. Cool beans, right? Well, the disturbing thing about this is that apparently her mummified body was found a year after she died in an upstairs room in her house that had a space heater running. Yup. The last monster idea I had was a combination of a Sharktopus...

... and Giant-Squid-Alien-from-the-stupid-fucking-movie Monsters, just not an alien, because that would disqualify it from all possibilities.

That's all I got. I'm out. In closing… thank you for diving into my random thoughts. Adventure. Cheese. Super 8 monsters. Thor. BAM.