Jan 22, 2011

Rant of the Week: Taco Death



Rant of the Week: Taco Death

I can count the number of times I've eaten fast food in the past 3 years on both of my meat paws. It is a straight and narrow line that I walk. Every once in awhile, partially due to an empty fridge and the clock reading 2am, I settle for the South of the Border alternative. I don't normally eat fast-food. But when I do, I eat Taco Bell.

An old entrepreneurship professor I had happened to be the ex-VP of something at Taco Bell. He told us that the "average" lifetime customer spends $40,000 at Taco Bell during the course of their life. That's no typo, friend, $40,000. And that is the average customer. Four times a week. $40,000 a lifetime. I was always mind boggled by this fact until my trip to Taco Bell last night. I got the grumbles in my tummy at midnight and after the thought occurred to me that I had not eaten anything the previous day, I set out to Taco Death with visions of Beefy Crunch Burritos dancing in my head.

Back to the whole lifetime customer thing, I never could understand how someone could spend so much money - like a year's salary, at a fast-food joint. But last night, this all became quite clear. As I pulled up to the drive-thru, I put my car in park behind several stoners. My own beliefs are that anyone that goes to Taco Bell after midnight - besides yours truly - are stoners. Anyways, the car in front of me pulled up to the order box thingy. And sat there for 10 minutes. He had to open his car door because the window did not roll down, as seen below.


So after I nudge my car up as close as I can to this joker's bumper and flash my brights, he finally completes his order. My order takes about 10 seconds, and I pull around. Taco Bell has this nifty device hanging on the wall right under the drive-thru window that displays the total price for your order. The dude in front of me ordered $30 worth of shit. No fucking wonder people drop $40k on this place. One person and $30 worth of tacos? Really? Of course it took forever to make the shit because he ordered every random food item that wasn't sitting around the place in a pot of beans for the last 3 hours. All I wanted was my damned beefy crunch burritos. And it took way longer than it should have taken to achieve my objective. I would have harpooned the son of a bitch if I would have had a trident handy. But I didn't. Such is life.