Nov 15, 2010


Rant of the Week: Driving With The Sun In Your Face

I'm not a morning person. Never have been. Never will be. My mornings typically start off at 3am, 5am, and 5:30am when Bo wakes me up for some random reason. As soon as I fall asleep, I'm back up again. Nightmares excluded. The morning ritual consists of laying in bed delaying the inevitable for 20 minutes while I listen to the sweet sounds of my alarm clock, as sampled below;


When I eventually rise out of bed, I relive the Home Alone 2 "race through the airport scene." After that, I shower, find some clothes to wear, take Bo outside, prepare Bo's anti-seizure cocktail, bring Bo back inside, lock the doors, stuff my backpack full of Diet Coke, whisper a few sweet nothings in Bo's ear, curse the world to infinity, lock more doors, and hop in my car. When I get in my car, I turn on the heated seats and put on my sunglasses. Yes, the time change has kicked in, and it is still in that time of the day when the sun can't decide whether it is coming up or just gonna sit there, but I put the sunglasses on. I'm not a morning person. I just crawled out of my cave, and now I have to face the world. As soon as I hit the highway, I am bathed in sunlight. The sun has decided to rise up just as it does every morning, but it shines an extra beam of light straight in my retinas. I can't see at all. I am constantly paranoid of the idiots around me while driving, and this is a 45 second window where I am at my weakest. I can't see. The sun is in my face. It hates me. I'm not a morning person. The sun in my face turns to road rage and by the time I merge onto the next highway, I am finally able to see again. An hour after the alarm goes off, I open my eyes for the first time. If today was "Opposite Day," I would describe this moment as being "happy as a clam." But I don't really like that saying, because when I hear people say that it pisses me off. How the hell can a clam be happy anyways? Albeit, it is the summary of my mornings. Every morning. Sun in my face. Pissed off. Can't see. I'm not a morning person.