Sep 29, 2010

How To of the Week: Prevent Shin Splints


How To of the Week: Prevent Shin Splints

Before I get started on how to get rid of shin splits, I would like to share the following video with you. This is how to not, and I repeat NOT, prevent shin splints.


One of the first things that gets brought up whenever the topic of "running" comes up is shin splints. A sample conversation that I have had on many occassions, including a couple days ago, went something like this:

Me: bla bla bla I bla bla bla ran bla bla bla marathon bla bla...
Intrigued person: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! SHIN! SPLINTS!
Me: Yeah man, I know, but here's how you can bla bla bla bla bla
Intrigued person: But the shin splits is like the muscle getting rippled from the bone!
Me: I hear ya bla bla bla bla bla

Shin splints is one of those unnecessary evils that haunt runners. At least it does for me. It happens randomly. There is no rhyme or reason for it. In my experience, it is a 50/50 chance that I will get shin splints on any running situation. I'm not an expert, but here is what I have discovered, and how to prevent them:

According to The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The Machine - Greg Terry...

Shin splints are a result of:

1) Your shoes are too tight
2) Your shoes are too loose

I can attest to both of these ideas. I'm lazy when it comes to putting shoes on so I always slip them on without tying and untying them when I put them on or take them off. If I run and get really bad shin splints, I will adjust the shoelaces accordingly and that normally does the trick.

Other thoughts I have:

3) Take a Tylenol or Advil an hour before you run.

I had severe shin splits during the 7th and 8th grade football days. Poppin' a few pills did the trick.

4) Stretch

There is a little debate on whether this works or not. I've ran a marathon before without stretching at all. I have also stretched before running a 3 miler and came out of it believing that stretching was the only thing that saved my leg from snapping in half. If you do choose to stretch, there are two stretches that I suggest. The first one is the girl push-up stretch. Just assume the position and flex you calves back and forth. The second is sitting on your legs and leaning back as far as you can. That's pretty much all I do. My massage therapist gave me those tips and they seem to work most of the time.\

5) Suck it up, pussy

If destiny has decided that on a particular day I am doomed with shin splints, the only thing I can do to get around it is to keep on running. The shin splints kick in about 3-5 minutes into my first mile and last until the third mile usually. After that everything is cream cheese. It sucks because I typically don't go on runs that are longer than 3 miles, but the second wind helps and if its a 5+ mile run then I am normally good to go. It's just that first 3 miles that sucks ass.

In summary. Tighten or loosen up your shoes. Take some Tylenol. Stretch. Don't be a wimp.

Hope this helps. If you still have problems, you probably need new shoes or have a stress fracture. Womp womp.




Rant of the Week: Gym Membership Renewal Time



Rant of the Week: Gym Membership Renewal Time

The picture at the top of your screen is a shot of the gym where I run. I got the membership back in October of 2008 during the early phases of what I call "The Black Period" of my life. I scored a two-year membership for a fucking great deal... $300 cash. There was no way I could pass that up. The place is pretty awesome. One of the problems with it is I really don't go to it a whole bunch when the weather is nice. There is no reason to run around countless circles on a track when I can take the risk of running down the bike path in East Dayton on any given day and pray that someone tries to jump me so I can unleash some hell.

One of the other problems with this gym is...

FLAME ON

... the constant thorn in my side this gym has become because my membership is almost over. I'm not going to throw up any disclaimer for what I'm about to say, because I really don't care, but gyms are a cut-throat business that is only concerned about the $$$. I suppose every business is about that as well. But gyms are the annoying person that won't go away. If they have your money, they don't give a shit about you. If you signed that contract, the only way out of it is to die or cancel your credit card and go into hiding. I had a locker rental with this gym that was an extra $20 a month. I decided to cancel it because I never really utilized it in a way that was worthy of an extra $20 out of my pocket. I showed up with my running shit on, unlocked the padlock, threw my keys in it, locked it up, and then went for a run. That did not warrant roughly $1 for something I could have done for free without the luxury of my name being on it. So a few months ago, I decided to cancel my locker. Little did I know, this whole deal would turn into a 3 month fiasco that would cost me an extra $60 for ridiculous bullshit that wasn't even worth my time fighting.

So now it's time to renew my membership. It expires on 10/29. I have a marathon on 12/4. So a one month deal would be what I would aim for. I've had this in mind although I haven't made a special trip to the gym to sit down and discuss this with anyone. But in the past 2 weeks, since 9/16, I have received 6 phone calls from Urban Active giving me a "friendly" reminder that "IT'S TIME TO RENEW!" The calls come in the form of automated announcements to sales reps to clueless 16 year old girls that don't know what planet they are on, let alone the verbal rampage I would have delivered if they were unlucky enough when they called me to solicit my business. I also received some emails, which I am going to show you now. This one came on 9/18 in the middle of the Michigan vs Umass game. If you don't know me, nothing pisses me off more than when someone does anything during a football game that makes my phone light up, ring, or vibrate. I usually turn it off, but since they're 4-0, I keep it on silent. But my phone went off. And it was time for another reminder about my membership.

IT’S TIME TO RENEW!!!

I just wanted to send you a quick message to remind you that your Urban Active membership is currently up for renewal. You should have received a letter in the mail and some calls about this already and I wanted to send an email as well!

Right now we have our early bird renewal promotion running which gives you a great renewal rate and up to 12 MONTHS FREE!!! All you have to do to cash in on this promotion is to renew by September 23rd which is this Thursday. You will not lose any time on your membership by renewing early because your renewal will begin at the end of your current term.

As an added bonus for renewing your membership early, you will get a 30 day pass for a friend and a complimentary session with a certified personal trainer! Don’t miss out on this opportunity to get FREE months and other incentives with your membership renewal!

For the ultimate convenience, you may RENEW BY PHONE or EMAIL. I can be reached directly at 513-328-9674 or by replying to this email. You may also just stop by the club....It will only take a few minutes.

I look forward to hearing from you. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns about your membership or our facility in general.

*If you have already renewed please disregard this email* [But what if I haven't, and these emails and phone calls are getting on my fucking nerves? Then what?!]

In Health-

IDIOT
District Customer Service Manager

I shot off an immediate response:

Stop emailing me. If I want to renew, I will call.

Sent from my iPhone

Is there something difficult about a simple request to "stop emailing me" ???

A few seconds later, they email me again. Didn't I just ask them to stop emailing me?

This was the first email I have sent but will make a note not to email you personally. We look forward to your call in the future and sorry about the intital email.

Have a great great day

IDIOT
District Customer Service Manager

The only way to describe the feeling I had after I read that additional unwanted email, as well as the feeling I have now after reflecting on it, would be that of being on life support and saying "fuck it" and ripping the cords out of my arm and flat lining. Yeesh.

So I've got 6 calls in the past two weeks. A couple emails. They didn't give a shit about my locker dilemma. And they don't care about me now. They just want my money. And they won't stop calling until they have it.

FLAME OFF


Sep 28, 2010

Mango Habanero



When I was in 7th grade, my homeroom teacher always wrote a famous poem or quote on the chalkboard for our young developing minds to digest. One poem, in particular, that I remember was the famous words by Robert Frost:

Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. - Robert Frost

I interpreted this poem as simply meaning: Don't do drugs, don't kill people, do good, not bad. Yeah, that's common sense - I know. So let's take this poem literally, and imagine a fork in the road. The left side is the good path. The right side is a bad path. Then let's take it a step further and assume I go down the left side, or the good path. This is where the poem ends. What happens after that is left to speculation. Well, for me, that good path forks again at some point down the road. On the left side of this additional fork in the road is the "easy" path. On the right side of the additional fork in the road is the "ridiculously unnecessary and inconvenient yet often selected randomly for absolutely no reason" path. For some unknown reason, every once in awhile I will stroll down the right hand side and see how the chips fall. I can't explain why I do it. It's not really a bad thing, and I eventually get to Point A to Point B, but it's the gray area in between that has me asking myself, "Why? WHY?!"

I really have no idea. If I had to take some rational guess, it would be that I like to challenge myself by putting myself in certain precarious situations just to see what happens. If I was a contestant in the Legends of the Hidden Temple, I would give all my tokens or "get out of Hell" free cards to the host, tell him to add a few extra temple guards to the final obstacle course, tell my worthless partner to take a hike, and run straight to the monkey shrine that is impossible to assemble, all while being blindfolded. Recently, I have done some things that would be a "real" example of this. One time I went for a long run and got really thirsty. Every time I get a haircut, I get screwed over somehow. The situations are totally avoidable, and I can assure you that I'm not retarded, I just decide to go down that path to the left, and then suddenly hang a right at the next fork.

Tonight was another example. BW3's was the scene. When i order chicken wings, I usually order one or two flavors that are enjoyable and then one flavor that has a little more kick to it just for... kicks. Tonight, I decided to go with 12 Mango Habanero. I can handle my hot stuff. I've ate blazing wings before. I've got my name on the wall for drinking a cup of Atomic sauce. I'm always down for eating hot shit. But this Mango Habanero stuff kicks my ass for some reason. And it's not really that it is too hot. I wasn't eating every ice cube in sight while I was eating it. But the sauce makes snot run out of my nose like it's going out of style. Like it sounds gross or whatever, but it literally just pours out. No extra napkins were available. Well, I take that back. There was a stack of infinite napkins just out of reaching distance, but I neglected them. As far as the wings go, I can't do anything about it, except not eat them or not order as many of them. But I do it anyway. My mouth is fine now. And I'll probably order them again the next time I go to BW3's.
Sep 27, 2010

Sharktopus!


On Saturday morning I tuned in to Sports Nation (which is actually a decent show, BTW) to check out some previews for the games that day. They had a segment where they polled the nation and asked a question about what was a "Scarier Double Threat: Denard Robinson or Sharktopus?"

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I had never heard of Sharktopus, but the sound of it alone was nothing I would want to mess with at all. I figured it was one of those horrible SyFy movies. And boy was I right. I woke up at about 2am the next morning and I'll be damned if Sharktopus was on TV. I only watched about two minutes worth of it in my mid-coma state, but holy shit was it amazing. Watch the trailer below and see for yourself. If there is an encore performance this coming weekend, and you are paralyzed on your couch and the remote is missing, check this movie out!


Sep 26, 2010

Note To Self: Buy These

Superman Snuggie


Box of Stay Puft Marshmallows


Nintendo Bedroom Accessories


Sep 22, 2010

Top 10: Football Trick Plays



In the world of football, Wednesday is a slow day. Not much is going on. The talk from the previous week has died down and the predictions for the next weekend's game won't come until Thursday and Friday. One theme that was brought up a couple times on different sports radio shows was football trick plays, probably because of the one MSU pulled out of their ass in OT to beat ND. Too bad there is no trick play that causes both teams to lose instantly. MSU's coach did have a heart attack the next day, but I won't get into that. Here are my Top 10 Favorite Football Trick Plays.

#10 - Titans vs Bills. January 8, 2000. Music City Miracle. "He's got it...he's got it...HE'S GOT IT! THERE ARE NO FLAGS ON THE FIELD! IT'S A MIRACLE!"


#9 - Dolphins vs Jets. 1994. Dan Marino's "Fake Spike."


#8 - Boise State vs Oklahoma. 2007. Three Trick Pony. Boise State still sucks.


#7 - FSU vs Clemson. 1988. "Puntroooooskie!"


#6 - Unknown team. Cool play. "Yeehaw!" TURN YOUR SPEAKERS OFF FOR THIS ONE.


#5 - Saints vs Cardinals. 2010. "Flea Flicker."


#4 - Florida vs WVU. Steve Spurrier. "Hidden Ball Trick."


#3 - Presbyterian vs Wake Forest. September 2, 2010. "The Ole' Laterall Not Dead" Play. Wake Forest would go on to beat the shit out of them 53-13, but, meh, what the hell.


#2 - Miami vs Nebraska. Orange Bowl January 1, 1984. "Fumblerooski!"


#1 - Pee Wee Football. "Coach, I've got the wrong ball!" If I was coaching pee wee football, I would have no second thoughts to busting this play out. Fuck all the parents on the other team.



Sep 20, 2010

How To of the Week: Train for a Marathon



How To of the Week: Train for a Marathon

I've had a few people ask me how to train for a marathon. So here it is.

Before I get started, here is a badass video of me running through the Magic Kingdom, AC/DC styles.



Congrats. The first step to wanting to run a marathon is actually deciding to run it. If you are going to do it, commit to it. Training for a marathon, especially your first one, will become a part time job. You will need to dedicate at least an hour a night to run. It will obviously take more time as you increase the mileage. If you are going to really do it, tell everyone in your life that you are going to run a marathon. There will be several times that you will feel like backing out. But since you told everyone you are going to do it, there is no backing out. Unless you are a pussy. But that's not in my vocabulary, so we'll move on.

I've written a ton of shit about all the crazy stuff that I have gone through in my journey of running 5 marathons in the past 16 months. I'll link all that at the bottom so you can read up on it.

If you are simply looking for a template of a running schedule, here is what I would suggest going with.

Basically, you want to run a couple miles every day during the week, a long run on Saturday, and rest on Sunday. It would look like:

  • Sunday: Rest
  • Monday: Run 1 mile
  • Tuesday: Run 1 mile
  • Wednesday: Run 1 mile
  • Thursday: Run 1 mile
  • Friday: Run 1 mile
  • Saturday: Run 3 miles

You will want to do that for the first few weeks to get started. It really depends on what kind of shape you are in before starting all of this that determines how fast you move along and increase the miles that you run on a daily basis.

Once you get up to the point where you can run 3 miles a day, the schedule would turn into something like this:

  • Sunday: Rest
  • Monday: Run 3 miles
  • Tuesday: Run 3 miles
  • Wednesday: Run 3 miles
  • Thursday: Run 3 miles
  • Friday: Run 3 miles
  • Saturday: Run 6 miles

After you are able to run 6 miles for the long run, you should be good to go. I always tell people that if you can you 1 mile, you can run 3. If you can run 3, you can run 6. If you can run 6, you can run 12. If you can run 12, you can run 26.2.

Stick to the schedule running 3 miles a day, Monday through Friday. Increase the miles for the long run each week. It doesn't really matter how much you increase it by, but I would go with increasing it by 1-2 miles each weekend. So run 6, 8, 10, 12. Depending on the timing of when the marathon is, you could run 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20 on the weekends right before it. I never really went balls out like that prior to any of my marathons, but it is important to at least run one 13.1 miler so you build confidence and know that you can do at least half of it.

Two weeks before the marathon, run a half marathon, or a 12-14 mile run. After that, put it into cruise control. The week before the marathon should look like this:

  • Sunday: Rest
  • Monday: Run 1-3 mile(s)
  • Tuesday: Run 1-3 mile(s)
  • Wednesday: Run/fast walk 1 mile
  • Thursday: Run/fast walk 1 mile or rest
  • Friday: Rest
  • Saturday: Dominate

The schedule isn't set in stone, but I would try to keep to it. If you run 2 miles one day during the week, try to run 4 miles the next day to make up for it. It doesn't matter how you do it, but you gotta put in the miles. You can't just wake up and run a marathon if you have never ran before. If you can, then I'm sorry you just read all of this, and hats off to you.

General pointers

  • If you get shin splints, your shoes are too tight or too loose. Take an Advil or Tylenol an hour before you run. You can stretch out by doing a girl push-up and stretch your calves to help loosen up the shin splints.
  • Get a gym membership during the winter. You can't run outside if there is snow/ice on the ground. Well you can, but it sucks.
  • Do whatever it takes to motivate you. I tell everyone I'm going to do the race. I write down the miles I ran every day so I can keep track of it. I have a dry erase board at work that I keep a countdown for the marathon once I get about two months prior to race day. Stuff like that. Whatever floats your boat.
  • I listen to music when I run. Make tons of playlists for your iPod. I have multiple playlists for every amount of miles that I'm going to run. Once you get into the longer runs, listening to different albums for a set about of miles helps break up the mileage. For example, if I know it's going to take me 5 hours to finish the marathon, I might listen to a different band for each hour of the race. Have a few "pump up" songs ready to go in case shit hits the fan. I'm not a diehard Metallica fan, but I listen to their "Death Magnetic" album, tracks 2-6, half the time I run 3 miles.
  • When you actually run the whole marathon, mile #18 is the mile where you will discover if you are a man (or woman) or not. Everything gets tossed out the window at mile #18. The classic tale of man v. the world turn into man v. self at mile #18. So get ready for that.
Read this stuff.










Rant of the Week: Grocery Stores



Rant of the Week: Grocery Stores

I’ve learned to deal with these types of things because it is a fact of life. There are idiots out there. Plain and simple. But lately, there have been two certain things that happen every single time I am at the store make me instantly see red.

Situation #1

I bust into the store, grab a cart, and dart to points A, B, and C. I have a predetermined path drawn out in my mind of where I need to go to get the things I need as fast as possible so I can get the hell out of there. And then Situation #1 shows its ugly face – Somebody gets in my way. The particular type of person that gets in my way doesn’t really seem to be consistant except for the fact that they are in my way. Usually it is either:

  • a person that has no idea of their surroundings or that someone might be behind them
  • a slow walker
  • an elderly person/couple
  • a mom with kids that she has absolutely no control over
  • or an obese fatass riding on a motorized cart because they are too fat and lazy to walk

I make my presence known by skimming the side of their cart, cruising passed them as quick as possible, and letting out some sort of disgruntled sigh.

Situation #2

This one happens every single time I check out at the grocery store. It probably happens to you, too. After I unload the cart, I make the inevitable eye contact with the cashier. And then Situation #2 happens.

Did you find everything okay?

FLAME ON

How the fuck am I supposed to answer this question? If I didn’t find everything okay, wouldn’t I still be shopping? Surely I wouldn’t wait in line just to ask a cashier where they stayed their supply of Coors Light. No, I didn’t find everything. I just gave up. Check me out. Or maybe I did find everything okay, hence why I am trying to buy the crap and get out of the store. Even if I answer “yes” where does it go from there? Oh! Cool beans! I’m am capable of walking into a store and finding the stuff I want. Winner winner chicken dinner. Good story. Did I find everything okay. Ugg. Who fucking cares if I did? Surely the cashier isn’t going to lose sleep over it. I didn’t come to the store to chit chat. Maybe I’ll make something up next time and see how they react to it.

Did you find everything okay?

Well you know, I’m glad you asked. I was looking for a gimp suit and a ball gag for later on tonight after the game, but I’ll be damned if you guys don’t carry it.

Did you find everything okay?

Hell no I didn’t. My buddy just lost a bet and now he has to eat 10 lbs of bull testicles. Could you page the butcher? I really need these bull testicles.

FLAME OFF

Sep 13, 2010

Idiot of the Week: Joe Buck

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Idiot of the Week: Joe Buck

Joe Buck is a fucking idiot. I can't stand listening to him call football games. I would feel sorry for Troy Aikman because he is trapped in Hell alongside this giant bag of douche, but I don't care a rat's ass about Troy either. If Dante were alive today, he would have a special layer of Hell just for Joe Buck. It might even be located under Satan himself. Judas probably considers himself lucky anyway. Having to listen to this guy ramble on about incessant bullshit for 3+ hours is equal to an eternity in Hell regardless.

Okay. Now that I got that off my chest... If you watched the Packers vs Eagles game on Sunday, then you had to suffer through Joe Buck. The only person he wanted to talk about was Kevin Kolb. First of all, who gives a shit about this guy. Second, after he goes out with a concussion, quit talking about him. Talk about someone else, perhaps the long-haired maniac Clay Matthews that was sprinting from sideline to sideline the whole game and laying the wood on anyone in his path. But oh no. Let's keep talking about Kevin Kolb. Let's take the camera shot of his family in the press box. For fucks sake Joe Buck, Kevin Kolb completed more passes to his fucking CENTER that anyone else before getting knocked out of the game. But no. If I took a shot of O'Dohls every time Joe Buck said "Kevin Kolb" I would have been wasted by the first quarter.



How To of the Week: Holy Guacamole!

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How To of the Week: Holy Guacamole!

Last week I busted out the nacho dip recipe. This week I bring you all another delicious orgasm of the mouth. I made about 5 lbs of this stuff on Saturday and it melted everyone's face right off their skulls. I'm not exaggerating around on this one either, folks. This stuff is so good you will want to take a bath in it.

I made a shit load of this stuff on Saturday, so for the instructions I will break it down to one serving that makes about two cups worth of awesomeness and serves 4-6 people, or one man cow. If you want to make what I did, just multiple the following steps by four.

What you need:

  • 2 avocados (ripe avocados = squishy)
  • 1/4 table spoon of lemon juice
  • salt
  • garlic
  • 1 pack of "Great Guacamole" mix or whatever they sell conveniently next to the avocados at the store
  • 1 tomato

Instructions:

  • Cut the avocados in half***
  • Scoop out all the green stuff into a bowl
  • Throw away the giant seeds
  • Mash up the green stuff with a fork
  • Squirt 1/4 table spoon of lemon juice into the bowl
  • Dump the packet of "Great Guacamole" mix into the bowl
  • Sprinkle as much salt into the bowl as your taste buds and blood pressure can endure
  • Dice up a tomato and dump that into the bowl as well
  • Mix up everything
  • Put the bowl into the fridge for for an hour
  • Melt faces

*** NOTE: The first part of the process is the hardest. The giant seed in the avocado is a mysterious little bastard and doesn't necessarily reside directly in the middle of the thing. If you cut it in half like the badass diagram below, you should have a pretty good success rate with not jabbing your knife into the seed. If you are only cutting up one or two of them it's not a big deal, but when you are doing this 10 times like I did, it's a giant pain in the ass. So just cut em up like I have shown below and you'll be set.

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Sep 9, 2010

Ghosts and Zombies

Sep 8, 2010

The Arm Suck

The Arm Suck

[Soundtrack: Kool and the Gang - "Jungle Boogie"]


Taking care of Bo is like having a little baby pet mogwai (that's the scientific name for a "Gremlin" for all you losers out there.) There are 3 rules that one must follow to prevent shit from hitting the fan.
  • Don't get him wet.
  • Don't expose him to sunlight.
  • Don't feed him after midnight.
Well, Mr. Bojangles is a special little breed, and as such, he brings a 4th rule to the table:
  • Don't refuse the Arm Suck.
I'm not really sure why he does this, where it originated from, what goes through his mind while he is performing the act, or what repercussions would be had for someone that broke this rule. All I know is that if Bo goes for the arm, you give it to him.

The Arm Suck usually occurs when I go to bed. It's normally random, and I suppose it depends on how tired he is when we hit the sack. When I crawl into bed, I post my arm on the mattress, and if he latches onto it in an attempt to hump it like there's no tomorrow, I know an Arm Suck is in my future. The other time he busts out the arm suck is when I have visitors over. No man or woman is safe from the Arm Suck. I have a hunch that he prefers the chicks over the dudes. Maybe this is because of all the pheromones. I'm not sure. The Arm Suck can last anywhere from a couple of minutes to hours. I usually pass out in mid-Arm Suck only to wake up the next day with a horrendous bite mark/bruise that reminds me of the previous night's activities. If someone tries to disengage the Arm Suck before Bo is finished, he will get very angry. I wouldn't recommend doing this. The only way to really separate yourself from the Arm Suck is to distract Bo with some sort of toy that gets his attention. Since he has the attention span of a goldfish, this isn't incredibly difficult, but it really all depends on how far Bo is committed to the said Arm Suck. Check out the photos and videos for a more vivid explanation to this phenomenon.






Sep 7, 2010

How To of the Week: Nacho Dip

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How To of the Week: Nacho Dip

Here is a recipe for some kickass nacho dip.

What you need:

  • 1 box of Velveeta cheese
  • 1 can of Ro*tel tomatoes
  • 1 lb. of ground beef or Italian sausage
  • 1 cup of sour cream

Instructions:

  • Place the block of Velveeta cheese in a big bowl
  • Dump the Ro*tel contents (juice and all) on top of the cheese
  • Put the bowl in the microwave for three minutes
  • Put the meat in a skillet, chop it up into tiny bits, and cook it until it is brown
  • Stir the cheese/tomatoes up after the three minutes expires and put it back in for two to three more minutes
  • Mix the meat and sour cream with the Ro*tel-Velveeta concoction
  • Pour the contents into a Pro-Pot and enjoy.
Sep 6, 2010

Rant of the Week: Bean Boozled


Rant of the Week: Bean Boozled

While I was on vacation two weeks ago, I picked up a box of Bean Boozled. Apparently, this is the latest and greatest thing that all the little kids are talking about. After I witnessed a mother put the hammer down on buying a box of the stuff for her kid while standing in a candy store, I decided to pick up a box just to spite him. But this is not just a box of jelly beans. Ohhh no. Half of the jelly beans in a box of Bean Boozled is your normal, delicious treat. The other half of the box is filled with god-awful, asshole tasting jelly beans straight from Hell.


As you can see, the flavors are pretty much the worst thing you can stick in your mouth. And since they look identical to the normal jelly beans, you are essentially playing a round of Russian Roulette each time you put one of these bad boys down your gullet. I ate a "Rotten Egg" flavored jelly bean. It tasted just like a rotten egg. I still have the taste of it in the back of my throat.
Sep 3, 2010

Machete!!



It's Monster Burrito/Machete time! Fuck yeaaah!
Sep 1, 2010

Ewok Win

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This picture makes me laugh every time I see it.