Jan 30, 2010

The Cowman Show



Throughout the course of this whole blogging experience, I have slowly introduced new themes or features into some of my daily posts. Some of these would be the "Wednesday Hump-Day 224 Kiefaber Reflection" type blog, the addition of soundtracks to certain posts, Murphy's Law, Top Ten lists, and stuff like that.

Today, I will like to install the latest feature of my blog - "The Cowman Show" starring yours truly. This concept has been an idea/conspiracy theory that has been floating around in my head way before I even started this blog up. If you have seen The Truman Show with Jim Carey, then you will recall how the movie was about how he was the star of a reality TV show that the world tuned in to to watch what he was doing each and every day. The show started when he was born and carried on throughout his life. The kicker was that he did not know he was being filmed. Everything and everyone in his life was fake. He lived in a big fake world that was filled up with cameras recording everything that he did. Eventually, he discovered what was happening, flipped out, and escaped.

For The Cowman Show, I will depict certain moments in my life that occur on a seemingly regular basis where I stop myself and say, "You have got to be kidding me. Seriously? WTF! I swear to God I am living in a reality TV show and everyone is watching me and this crazy shit happens just so everyone at home can sit back and laugh and be thankful that they are not me." These moments are similar to being caught on candid camera, minus the guy jumping out at the end to laugh at the person in the awkward circumstance and tell them that they have just been zapped.

In the future, I will put together different "episodes" or reenactments of the random crap that happens to me in my reality TV show life as they come up. So consider this a trailer for the new show that will be coming up in the next few weeks. I have a few things in mind that have happened that I could write about, but I think I will just wing it when it happens. In case you are wondering, examples of episodes could be something like...

On today's episode of The Cowman Show, Kyle goes to Subway to grab a foot long cold cut trio that he has been thinking about since he woke up. Little does he know, the Subway he is about to walk into has a line a mile long, and when he finally get to order his sub, he will discover that they are fresh out of tomatoes and lettuce! Let's sit back and see how he reacts when the Subway Sandwich Artist breaks the news to him...

or...

We have an intriguing show for you tonight ladies and gentlemen. While Kyle was at work today, he spent over an hour on the phone with an 80 year old man as he tried to explain to the guy how to open up a website browser and go to www.google.com. The old man has never used a computer before, probably doesn't have an Internet connection anyways, and absolutely no clue what a website browser is all about or who this Google guy is. As a special feature, we have including a blood pressure meter at the bottom of your television screens so you can follow along at home and keep an eye on his vitals.
Jan 29, 2010


On my way to work each morning, I tune in to 1410 Wing FM to listen to Colin Cowherd on ESPN Radio. Today was no exception. Except today, Colin was not in, and he had Eric Kuselias stepping in for him. He started the show off by talking about the Pro-Bowl and how people are pist off about it because it is this Sunday instead of the Sunday after the Super Bowl. He further went on to say that it may or may not be the best resolution to making this event interesting, but also noted that people complain about it, but also don't offer up a better alternative. Furthermore, he raised a very intriguing question that I have decided to ponder in today's blog.

What are you for that other people are against?

I think this is a great topic for discussion. I spent the day thinking about some ideas about what I am for that those people in my life are generally against. I really couldn't come up with a giant list, so I'm going to go with the first idea that popped in my head as soon as the question was raised.

Q: What are you for that other people are against?
A: I like M. Night Shyamalan movies.


If that name doesn't ring a bell, he was the director of the following movies:
  • The Sixth Sense
  • Unbreakable
  • Signs
  • The Village
  • Lady in the Water
  • The Happening

He instantly became famous for The Sixth Sense movie that brought us "I see dead people" and a delightfully mind-fuck of a twist ending.


While it may be his most popular movie, the rest of his movies are solid as well. The reason I like his movies is because they all have a deeper message wrapped into them, along with the crazy, unexpected endings, that make them unique and enjoyable to watch. On the surface, people will generally dislike his movies because they go into watching them with the mindset of "oh well I'm just going to wait until the twist ending comes up and put my two cents in about how I would rather eat dog shit than watch another movie he directs." Well folks, that's really not what it's all about.

[On critics] "It's human nature. Twenty-six people love the movie, and the 27th person hates it, and the only thing you can think about is the 27th person." - M. Night Shyamalan

For whatever reason, I have found that a lot of my friends and whatnot don't really care for his movies.

"Bahhhh it's too predictable."

"Meh, that movie sucked. Stupid flowers!"

"Well duh! Everyone knew that village was not really set in the 1700's!"


"M. Night Sham-a-gay is more like it!"


Signs. Let's take Signs for example. This movie is not about crop circles and aliens invading earth. Well it is, but it isn't. It is actually about a series of coincidences that occur throughout the movie that eventually saves the world. The mom dies in an accidental car wreck...her last words are "swing away"...the little girl keeps cups of water all over the house...aliens start the invasion...the son remembers his mom's dying words...swings away on the alien...alien knocks glass of water off table and dies...the alien's weakness is discovered...humanity lives to see another day. In summary, this equates to a simple philosophy that I am a strong believer in.

Everything happens for a reason.

I think it really does. Every day of our lives is a series of coincidences that could possibly lead up to greater things. If you have ever said to yourself that you were in the right place at the right time, or the wrong place at the wrong time, this is part of everything happening for a reason. Think about anything in your life. For example, what if you would have decided to go to a different high school or college? How did you get the job you have now? How did you meet your significant other if you have one? Why are you alive? Everything happens for a reason. A lot of times, I have found that it isn't the extraordinary things that we do that seem to make a difference, but the little things that apply to this. I'll go into more detail on this tomorrow's blog, which will be the first installment of a new addition to the blog entitled The Kyle Show. Stay tuned, and have a good weekend everyone.


Jan 28, 2010



Since I gave everyone my political two cents in yesterday's blog, I decided that tonight would be a good time to touch on a few topics that are (tongue in cheek) a little less controversial. This is blog about Sports, God, Abortion, and Freedom of Speech.

Tim Tebow was in the news this week. Not because he is a whiny, God-lovin' bag of douche, but because he plans on airing a Super Bowl ad to speak his gospel on being Pro-Life. Whenever I see or hear anything about Tim Te-blow, I immediate roll my eyes and picture this image in my mind:


I understand that he was Urban Cryer's butt buddy and won a few National Championships. I recognize that fact that he can bench press 225lbs more than your average NFL defensive lineman. I get the fact that he was a pretty damn good quarterback in college. But what I don't understand is why Tim Tebow thinks it is his mission to spread not only the Word of God - but now has to spread his beliefs on being Pro-Choice all over the football scene.

One of the great things about America is that we have the Freedom of Speech. Aside from screaming "Fire!" in a movie theatre and a few other exceptions, people can say, or not say, whatever they want. That is fine and dandy and I take advantage of it as often as I can. The Freedom of Speech allows me to rant to my heart's content via this blog without worries of have the law hammer down on my parade.

I respect people's opinion's and beliefs. If you believe in God, awesome. If you don't believe in God, good for you or whatever you believe in. If you knock a girl up or get knocked up, and you have made the decision to have an abortion, I will support it. If you knock a girl up or get knocked up, and made the decision to keep the child, I will support it.

Tim Tebow's Super Bowl message in a nutshell is an enchanting tale about how his mother was thinking about having an abortion while she was pregnant with him because she got some sort of disease and didn't think it would work out. But she decided to keep him, and then he grew up to be a Heisman trophy winning football player who has pissed me off enough to make me sit down and write about how I am tired of people in the sports world trying to shove political and/or spiritual agenda down my throat.

"I know some people won't agree with it," said Tebow of the 30-second ad at a press conference in Mobile, Ala., on Sunday, in preparation for next weekend's Senior Bowl. "But I think they can at least respect that I stand up for what I believe. I've always been very convicted of [his views on abortion] because that's the reason I'm here, because my mom was a very courageous woman." - Tim Tebow

There is a time and a place for things like this, like CNN or Church. When these issues show up on ESPN, College Football Gameday, Monday Night Football, and now the damned Super Bowl - that is where the line is crossed. I watch sports, or specifically football, to avoid all that type of shit. I want to see my team win, people to knock the shit out of each other, and to watch funny commercials. I don't want to hear about how God won the game for them, watch light-hearted biographies on how someone found Jesus or was not aborted and now has found the ability to play football. This kind of stuff makes me want to puke.

In conclusion, I will leave you with an excellent Facebook status update last week compliments of a Mr. Cheek, in which he basically sums up the meaning of life.

Another bible thumper came to the door today. Why do these people feel this need for me to believe what they believe? I don't go door to door... "Excuse me sir, I'm for the Miami University Graduate Department of Physics and I am in your neighborhood today preaching the gospel of the wave/particle duality. Have you received the good news that light asks as both a wave AND a particle?" - Adam "Mr. Cheeks" Hicks









Ok so immediately after writing this blog I went to Chipotle to order a steak and black bean burrito with everything on it. They did an excellent job. On my way out to my car, I noticed the following message spraypainted on the sidewalk next to my car.






Ohhhhhh the irony.
Jan 27, 2010

Got Any Change? - State of the Union


[Soundtrack: Styx - "Blue Collar Man (Live)"]




FLAME ON

As I am writing this, Obama is giving his State of the Union address to the American people. In general, I dislike watching this on tv because I can't stand watching the theatrical stand-up, sit-down, and clap routine that takes up 95% of the speech. The other reason I'm not watching it is because I refuse to watch someone read off of a teleprompter. Take that away, and the guy has no clue what he is talking about. Ironically, it's the same reason I'm not donating money to all the people that were blown up by the earthquakes. The other night, I sat on my bed, hugging the duffel bag of cash I keep stashed away for emergency bail money, contemplating to myself if I should send it off to Haiti or not. I had myself convinced to ship it off and do my good deed for the month, until Michelle Obama came on a commercial and asked people to donate to the relief. While she was asking for support, I noticed that her eyes were moving back and forth very suspiciously. Oh wait, she was reading off a damn teleprompter. And we're not talking about delivering a huge speech, we're talking about spout off a few simple sentences that anyone could memorize in maybe, oh I don't know, ten minutes or so. So yeah, not giving my money off simply because the President's wife doesn't give a shit to memorize a paragraph that basically asks "Text you money to 9-0-9-9-9 to help save those poor people of Haiti who fell victim to the 7.0 earthquake that destroyed their lives."


I mean...seriously! This video is 30 seconds long. 12 Seconds of it is a graphic with donation information at the end. She may have had the first 5 seconds memorized, but look from 13 seconds to 18 seconds where she is really struggling. "We can help the American Red Cross as it delivers the food, water, and medicine that can save lives." It's not like she busting out some Mary Poppins supercalafragalisticexpialadoshus shit. Give me a break.

So back on Obama. His main campaign was on "Change." So far, I have seen the economy get worse, his health care plan get overturned, unemployment rates change from 7% to 10%, and the US fall under another possible terrorist attack (Detroit, Christmas Day, underwear bomber guy) while Obama was off on vacation somewhere. This guy has golfed more in one year being President that I will ever in my life. (For the record, I've never golfed. I'm sure he golfed before his speech tonight, and will at least play putt-putt tonight after his speech is over with.)

Hopefully, when it's all said and done, I can read a story about someone calling him a liar, like this guy:



Here is some more lies Obama has told, courtesy of FrontPageMag.com.

When politicians are caught out in lies, their supporters often resort to the old cliché: all politicians lie. But that is itself a lie: most don’t. Even among those who do, there are enormous differences in the importance and frequency of the lies. And it is surely now clear that this nation has a far from routine problem in the scale and regularity of President Obama’s lying.

When politicians lie they are usually trying to avoid political damage, or to make themselves look good. Bill Clinton lied (and got himself impeached) to save himself from embarrassment about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky. Hillary Clinton lied about being under fire in Bosnia to enhance her non-existent foreign affairs profile. Richard Nixon was forced from office because he lied to cover up his involvement in a political dirty trick. John Kerry lied about his Vietnam combat experience to blunt his anti-military reputation. But Barack Obama’s lies are far more corrosive and destructive, because they go the heart of legislation and governance, and so seriously undermine trust in government. His lies generally take a specific form: they attempt to persuade people to vote for him or his policies by categorically assuring them that they need not have the anxieties that they have been expressing. The lies say, essentially: trust me, support what I want, and I promise that what you fear will never happen. But in every case it soon becomes clear either that he knew perfectly well that what the public feared would in fact happen, or that he was giving a firm assurance that he was in no position to give, or that he had no intention of following through on his promise.

The accumulated weight of Obama’s deceit is overwhelming:

* During his campaign for the presidency and since, Obama repeatedly assured us that he would protect Medicare against cuts; but he now presses for passage of bills that include savage cuts in Medicare.

* To obtain passage of his first stimulus bill, Obama assured us that 90% of the jobs created would be in the private sector; but as he well knew, most of them were to be in the public sector.

* Early in the health care debate, Obama assured us that he had not said that he favored a single payer system; but he was on record as having said exactly that.

* Obama gave primary voters a firm assurance that if he became the nominee of the Democratic party he would (unlike Hillary Clinton) abide by the campaign finance limits of public funding; but as soon as he became the party’s nominee, he reneged on that pledge.

* During the presidential campaign Obama criticized the presence of former lobbyists in the Bush administration and solemnly assured us that he would appoint no lobbyists to his administration; but once elected he proceeded to appoint even more lobbyists than his predecessors.

* Obama criticized the size of George Bush’s deficit and promised to stop deficit spending if elected; but he has already quadrupled the size of the deficit he objected to and recklessly continues new federal spending in the trillions.

* When campaigning Obama criticized bills before the congress that were too long for anyone to be able to read and promised to stop that; but the bills he has been backing throughout his first year are infinitely longer (2000+ pages) than the ones he criticized.

* Candidate Obama promised an end to the corruption of earmarks and pork, but in the bills he has supported this year there have been more and bigger earmarks than ever before.

* Candidate Obama promised us that CIA personnel involved in the interrogation of terrorists would not be prosecuted; but his administration is now doing exactly that.

* Obama assured a joint session of Congress that the health bill he supported (pre-Stupak) would not provide public funding for abortions; but bitter resistance on the part of House Democrats to inclusion of language to that effect soon proved that it did.

* Candidate Obama promised that he would make sure that there was always enough time for the public to read legislation before it was enacted; but he has done exactly the opposite, repeatedly pressing for even faster passage of even longer bills.

* Candidate Obama met fears that he would be a tax and spend liberal by promising, emphatically and repeatedly, that those earning under $200,000 would see no increase in their taxes of any kind; but he now urges passage of a healthcare bill that breaks that pledge in many different ways, and his unrestrained increase in federal spending makes more tax increases inevitable.

* Candidate Obama promised bipartisanship and an end to partisan bickering; but in a display of especially ruthless partisanship his allies have shut Republicans out of all key meetings on his health care initiative, with the unprecedented result that domestic legislation of historic importance garnered not a single Republican vote in the Senate.

* Candidate Obama criticized his opponent’s plan to tax employer paid healthcare benefits, and promised he would not tax them; but the bill he now backs will do just that.

* Obama had promised that he would not sign a healthcare bill that would add one dime to the federal deficit; but the bill he now backs adds trillions in new federal spending, offset only by new sources of revenue that are both uncertain and more properly seen as offsetting the already existing deficit.

* Obama coerced congress into passing his stimulus bill by promising that if it were passed unemployment could go no higher then 8%; but unemployment is now at 10%, and he could not possibly have had good reason to exclude that possibility.

* Obama promised that his cap and trade legislation will create jobs; but its massive tax increases will certainly hobble the economy and destroy jobs, while green jobs in significant numbers can at best be hoped for, but never promised.

* Obama has repeatedly assured the American people that if they like their current health plan they can keep it; but the House bill which he supported created huge incentives for employers to drop their coverage and shift their members to a public option.

* Obama has just as often assured the public that under his health plan everyone will be able to keep their current doctor; but many are certain to lose their doctors when ObamaCare’s large cuts in Medicare funding induce more doctors to withdraw from Medicare coverage, as they also would were employers to transfer patients to a public option to save money.

* Obama assured a joint session of Congress that his health plan would not fund illegal aliens; but his allies had been busy voting down amendments to that effect. (This was the point of Joe Wilson’s outburst.)

* Obama claimed that Caterpillar’s CEO had told him that Caterpillar would begin hiring again as a result of the stimulus bill; but that individual immediately announced that he had said no such thing, and that Caterpillar would in fact be laying off more workers.

* Candidate Obama promised that Guantanamo would be closed by January 1, 2010; but it is still open.

* Candidate Obama promised that his administration (unlike his predecessor’s) would be so transparent that TV cameras (C-Span) would be there for key deliberations; but an unprecedented level of secrecy prevails as the final stages of Obamacare are negotiated behind closed doors and kept so secret that even the Senate majority whip admitted that he had no idea what was going on. Requests for Obama to honor the promise of C-Span cameras are being ignored.

* To gain traction for his attempt to return a would-be socialist dictator in Honduras to power, Obama claimed that he had been overthrown in an illegal coup; but the congressional research service pointed out correctly that ex-President Zelaya had been removed for constitutionally sufficient cause by legal and constitutional means.

* Obama claims that he wants a public option only to increase choice and competition; but the House bill would clearly reduce choice both by squeezing unsubsidized private health plans out of the market, and by setting rigid conditions on acceptable plans that would narrow available options.

* Candidate Obama claimed that violent radical Bill Ayers was just another guy in his neighborhood; but the record shows that the two had worked closely together.

* Obama assured us that his stimulus bill would create or save a million jobs; but he was claiming as fact what could never have been more than a wild (and highly improbable) guess, and his more recent attempts to justify that guess have been fraudulent.

* Obama assured us that his health plan would never ration care, or “pull the plug” on grandma; but the legislation he backs sets up panels to make crucial decisions on when to withhold care, and it makes such deep cuts in Medicare that rationing is inevitable.

* Obama now assures us that health insurance premiums will not go up if ObamaCare becomes law, insisting indignantly that people who say this have not read the bill; but the legislation forces insurers to cover preexisting conditions, which will compel them to raise premiums substantially.

This is an extraordinary record of serial mendacity. One or two instances might charitably be regarded as rash promises later regretted, or as the wishful thinking of someone who had not thought through the implications of what he was saying. But when it happens again and again—and my 30 instances are by no means exhaustive—only one judgment seems possible: this is the record of a habitual, shameless liar, a man who will say anything to get what he wants. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, goes the old saying. But scores of times? How shameful is that for our society when this disgraceful record is never the subject of a reproachful editorial in the New York Times, the Washington Post, or CBS news? Richard Nixon was removed from office, and Bill Clinton impeached for a single lie. Who could look at Obama’s record without concluding that his lying is in a completely different league to theirs?

President Obama evidently believes that he can solve any problem with a speech. But he really does not care whether what he says is true or not, nor does he feel any responsibility to honor the assurances and promises he makes. As a result, this nation is now in a position where it cannot believe a word that he says, and that amounts to an unprecedented crisis of confidence in the Presidency. Democratic government will atrophy if we allow lying on this scale to count as the business as usual of politics. When will the press and the Congress hold him accountable?



FLAME OFF



You've Got Boring Facebook Status Updates

Photobucket

I have noticed a disturbing trend as of late that has to do with the pointless, repetitive, and uninteresting information people are updating on a consistent basis on his or her Facebook Status. Sadly, it reminds me of my old @aol.com email address that I used from 4th grade to my senior year in high school. When I rocked the AOL account, I was constantly spammed with every imaginable email possible on a daily basis. Hundreds-maybe even thousands of useless emails that were immediately deleted. Admist the spam, I might have had one or two "real" emails from someone I knew that had content I wanted to read. But the rest of the inbox was filled with crap.

Photobucket

I'm seeing the same trend occur with these damned Facebook status updates that suck. I have to filter through pages of bullshit to find some status update that confirms that I didn't waste my time reading it.



To fix the AOL problem, I stopped using AOL as my primary ISP and email address. The FB problem is a little trickier. I'm not deleting my account...yet. I've already resorted to hiding people's updates and evening purging the friends list...both of which are still viable options. I've already threatened farmville obsessed people with a facebook status update.

I'm going to dwell on the topic a little more while beginning a spreadsheet of examples of good and retarded status updates. Then I will probably put these in different categories and report my findings and verdit in another fun-filled flame-on bloggy blog blog blog.

The Boring Facebook Status Updates verdict is in. And now... drum roll please...

The GOOD: These are examples of things that are not Boring Facebook Status Updates

Reasons I won't donate money to Haiti: 1. We have enough problems of our own 2. Obama donated $100 million, so they already got my donation without my consent 3. New Orleans. Liberals bitched a storm about this one, why don't they fix that first 4. The biggest thing Haiti sends us is cocaine. Why fuel this more? 5. Two-faced people. Let's complain about the cost of war to protect us, then unload our wallets on this


beer and bacon for dinner... how barbaric. lol

Go Cocks!

"Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose." -Teddy Roosevelt after being shot and continued to give a 90 minute speech.

I have to agree with Kyle Terry...It would be so nice to be able to use the facebook "hide" feature in real life.

Sheamus = The whitest man I've ever seen in my life...

but atleast farve can take a hit...manning wets himself and just falls down when he could get hit

Parking Wars....celebrating Phillys finest one ghetto parking ticket at a time.

I feel like Sammy Sosa...I just sneezed and pulled a back muscle. No, I am not kidding. It effin hurts.

Snot for breakfast is good. My sinuses are draining so much that I am not even hungry for lunch.

The Apocalypse is upon us. My belt just broke. It's a sign. I have officially became too fat.

Its amazing how a sip of baby tylenol and beer will knock a child out. Peace and quiet

Note to self: Never ever ever eat another Fiber One bar. I spent the entire day farting. The WPAFB saw enough gas from me to fuel a B52.

The BAD: These are examples of things that are definitely Boring Facebook Status Updates

TGIF

… I hate mondays

Cleaning...

Waiting on an angel -- One to carry me home -- Hope you come to see me soon -- Cause I don't wanna go alone -- I don't wanna go alone.

THE OWNER OF FACEBOOK HAS CONFIRMED THAT THEY WILL SEND $1 DOLLAR TO THE RESCUE FUND FOR THE HAITI EARTHQUAKE DISASTER FOR EVERY TIME THIS IS CUT AND PASTED AS A STATUS. YOU ONLY HAVE TO LEAVE IT UP FOR 1 HOUR. LET'S ALL DO IT TO SUPPORT THANKS

im ready for a vacation

shower

[beach / Hawaii / cruise] in 3 days!!

work work work

O-H!

[anything relating to pregnancy]

i love [person] so much <3>

[I LIKE TO TAKE IN CAPS FOR NO REASON AND FILL UP YOUR WHOLE NEWS FEED WITH RANDOM CRAP THAT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT OMFG PLEASE JUST REMOVE ME FROM YOUR FRIENDS LIST SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET PISSED OFF EVERYTIME I UPDATE MY STATUS IN ALL CAPS WHICH IS A LEAST 20 TIMES A DAY!!!]


And The UGLY: PorkRice and others have more to share…

Whiney Alabama Fan wrote this, then all of the comments below:

don't you love how people put so much personal information on the internet? "i'm in love, i'm sick, i'm walking to the fridge, i feel depressed like i ruined my life" no you ruined my life by having this on my news feed...useless

has 3 mayorships on foursquare!

is it bad that like almost 12 hours after the lose I'm still devestated?

every hater needs to shut their mouth. this will only make us stronger. Steve spurrier is a shitty coach who only cares about playing golf at agusta. We needed to humble ourselves...they did not beat us we beat ourselves

maybe this will make us get our shit together

i like it on a roof

dear john brantley, we told you they hit hard. love tim tebow and colt mccoy. ps-try not to cry

Drunk High School Classmate

ain't got a job and ain't got shit shit to do, guess i'll watch Friday

seriously speedway, i run out your stock of pbr single handly and you restock with only 2 30 packs

once again i single-handedly depleted all the PBR in the area. They should really sponsor me.

so last thing i remember from last night is chugging the last of my beer while yelling at my computer for having windows installed in French...I wake up passed out on the floor and somehow the computer is running perfectly in English...am i a drunk technician?

ladies and gentlemen, we have begun triple stacking

purple onion, hells yea


Girl Who wants everyone to know everything she did today (1 Week of Status Updates)

i will be checking online for my test grade practically every 10 mins! so nervous! thinking ill be by myself
the rest of the day and not sure what all i will get done!

Just made a pot of coffee... mmm. Definately in need of a nap after class!

studying... never ending. studying with mariah when shes off work till who know how late and getting bfast before class in the am!

Well my interview also turned into the mach dispatch and another background check and finger prints! I'm so ready for an answer =/

Not feeling the greatest :( class 10-1115 then another interview/simulated dispatch at noon! So nervous and this has been such a long process I'm ready to know the answer!

Had lunch and relaxed with my boyfriend ♥ now time to get some shopping done then study the rest of the night!

Tonight was the best I've had in awhile ♥ its so beautiful outside to top it off ♥ convos at the picnic table at 11pm are amazing!

84 on my a&p lab exam ;) and a wonderful night with the borgerdings!

Stulls till 3 then home for the night and hopefully sam will come over and maybe dinner? Sounds good to me!

Passed my medics lab got to play firefighter with little kids at the elementary and get to have a girls night with the borgerding family! Good day ;)

Slept amazing with new sheets on my bed ;) now waiting to take my first medics lab exam!

Can't wait to be with my wonderful boyfriend ♥ and he gets to help me study ;)

Dear 8am weightlifting class, I believe you are about to get dropped. You are rediculous and I have more important things to worry about and need more rest! Grrr. A&P lab exam 1 today... start praying!

Mani & pedi with my sis ♥ then back to studying :( boo.

I PASSED MY POLYGRAPH TEST LAST WEEK AND GOT ANOTHER INTERVIEW/TEST FOR NEXT WEEK FOR MONT CO DISPATCHER! yayyyyyy! im shaking im so nervous and excited!

Missed my weightlifting class again! This being sick stuff HAS to go away! Err well a&p at 10 then study group after class with a group of girls. Pleaseeeee let me feel better soon :'(
am is coming to watch a movie with me! yay ;) now after homework the last FOUR hours i will relax some ♥

dinner for me was buffalo chicken dip... mhmmm! so sleepy still have a headache and just want to watch a movie!

gave in and turned my heat on :(

I have the best boyfriend what would I do wothout him?! One of the worst migraines I've ever had last night :( now headed to medics lab!

Wish I was feeling better but so thankful for my boyfriend! ♥ first medics lab in the morning then pry back to resting and studying!

Soo sick! Not at stulls today not much sleep happened last night :( want my bf ♥ but can't wait to have the girls over for a fun relaxing evening!

And people just keep on sucking...

Just chillin.

I am getting hungry

That was the most refreshing shower I have ever taken.

Go Bucks, Go Reds, Go Browns, Go Dayton Dragons, Go Cleveland Cavaliers, Go Kentucky Wildcats, Go every team I like... Go all day and Go all night. Win Win Win.
P.S.
Muck Fichigan.

Slowly becoming addicted to True Blood.

One more day until a nice 5 day weekend.

Hi everybody!!

Making breakfast-then to the grocery-then home to make baby food and clean this house! Woohoo...exciting day in store for me!

Jan 25, 2010

Conspiracy Theories?















I was reading some conspiracy theories today for no particular reason and stumbled over a few beliefs that stem on the notion that some natural disasters may possibly induced by man through nuclear explosions.

From Wikipedia...

"High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program theory claims that HAARP could be used as directed-energy weapon, weather control, earthquake induction device and/or for mind control.
It has been speculated that the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami may have been caused intentionally by a "tsunami bomb" - a nuclear weapon detonated in a strategic position under the ocean. Some reason that the technology is at least feasible since research into such technology has been conducted by the military as far back as World War II. According to declassified files, top-secret "tsunami bomb" experiments utilising explosions to trigger "mini-tidal waves" were conducted off the coast of New Zealand in 1944 and 1945.[21] The U.S. Defense Department had even expressed concern about earthquake-inducing technology in warfare well before the 2004 disaster. In 1997 Defense Secretary William S. Cohen stated, "Others are engaging even in an eco-type of terrorism whereby they can alter the climate, set off earthquakes, volcanoes remotely through the use of electromagnetic waves. So there are plenty of ingenious minds out there that are at work finding ways in which they can wreak terror upon other nations. It's real, and that's the reason why we have to intensify our efforts, and that's why this is so important."

Is it likely that tsunamis, hurricanes, and earthquakes could be caused by bombs going off? I think it's definitely possible.
Jan 23, 2010

Haircut time


















Let's see what kind of a Great Clip I get.

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Results: The lady was friendly. She described everything she was doing to my hair. Apparently, military clippers cut a little shorter than the generic great clip clippers. I told her to fix my neckline that was botched two haircuts ago. She showed compassion and said that she would make a note of it in her fancy computer that was just upgraded from Windows 95 but still on dial-up (no lie). Satisfied, I gave her a $4.99 Q-pon and graciously left her a $5 tip. When I got home, I discovered the hairline was uneven and the sideburns were wavy instead of a pair of finely trimmed chops. The neckline also feels like someone wrapped barbed wire around it. Must have been the military clippers.

Jan 22, 2010
Holy shit. I just watched the last fight scene between Arnold and Predator.




When Arnold kicks his ass and drops a log on his head, the Predator decides he would rather throw in the white towel via blowing himself up than continue to get the green blood slapped out of him. He basically carries a self-destruct device that's mounted on his wrist that will give a short countdown of red LEDs before everything in a mile radius is blown the hell up. When the Predator flipped open the self-destruct device, in order to initiate the sequence, he had to slide his finger across the bottom of the contraption.















This is exactly like how you swipe your finger at the bottom of an iPhone to open it up.



















Well I'll be damned. I Love the 80's.



Jan 21, 2010



How To: Create And Deliver A Winning PowerPoint Presentation

If you have ever gone to school or had a job, then you have come in contact with a PowerPoint presentation. Professors live and die by them. The professional world makes you skim through them at your desk or attend meetings to get caught up in the most recent corporate propaganda development. Whether you are a student or doing the 8-5 thing, PowerPoint is an inevitable part of life, just like red lights, Democrats, and hangovers. If you have been given the task of having to create and/or present one of these bastards, here are a few tips to consider so you don't end up being a boring and uninteresting d-bag.

#1
Be presentable.
Dress appropriately. If it's a big boardroom presentation or the final grade in a class depends on the next 20 minutes of PowerPoint joy, wear your Sunday's finest. Wear a suit if you need to. Try it on the night before so you don't look like a jackass with a wrinkled suit, tie that is botched because you tried to wring it up on the way into the presentation, and a brown belt to match those black shoes. Also try to get some sleep the night before. Baggy, bloodshot eyes, and a snappy, disgruntled attitude isn't going to help get this job done. If you look good, you play good.

#2
Keep it simple.
When you are creating the slide show, stray away from a complicated jumble of garbage. Stick with the same background color, font color, and font type throughout the presentation. I prefer a black background with a white font. It may be boring, but it's easy to read. Graphics are okay as long as they are meaningful. For the love of God don't incorporate Microsoft clip-art or pictures of your new born in the slide show. Nobody cares. This also isn't the time to test out your skill with tying in new animations for every block of text that is on the slide. If there is shit flying/fading/bouncing/zooming/flashing and so on throughout the whole thing, it is going to get distracting and annoying. Keep It Simple Stupid.

#3
Don't read straight off the slides.
There is nothing more insulting than bringing together a group of people that you are able to present information to and then turn around and read them word-for-word what is on the screen in front of them. Most people can read. They don't need to be read to. If the presentation is 10 minutes long, and you read through it slide by slide, then you have successfully wasted 8-9 minutes of every one's time. It also demonstrates that you are not prepared and potentially have no idea what you're talking about. Which leads us to our next point...

#4
Know the material.
Know the material. Know the material. Know the material. Try to be an expert on what you are delivering. It is okay to glance at the slides as a reference point or to stay on track, but don't use them as a crutch. Be confident about what you are presenting. If a question comes up during the presentation that you will be covering in ten slides, let the audience know that. Pretend that you could present the PowerPoint without even looking at the slides, without a computer or note cards, in the middle of a sudden power outage. If you know what you're talking about, people just might listen to what you have to say.


#5
Keep the laser pointer at home.
Laser pointers are distracting. They are actually hard to follow and draw the audience's attention away from what you are delivering to a reaction similar to, "Oooohhh, look at the pretty laser pointer...ooooooaaahhhhh."

#6
Involve the audience.


If you keep the audience's attention and ask them questions throughout the presentation, you are more likely to prevent them from falling asleep or being bored out of their minds. Make eye contact with everyone in the room. Singling out individuals is not necessarily a good approach, but survey type questions such as, "Who here hates PowerPoints?" might get a few hands raised. You can also toss out questions every once in awhile, but if you don't get an immediate answer, quickly continue with next point.

#7
Move around.
Stand up in front of your audience and move back in forth in front of the slide. This is actually quite difficult to master, so this might be something you want to practice a little beforehand. Try to make it as casual as possible. If you point at the slide, try not to actually hit the screen. If you make a half-ass attempt to be energetic, you might get some energy back from the audience. On the flip-side, the worst thing you can do is sit down, read directly off the printed slide show handout, and not make any visual ques or interaction with the audience.

#8
Give out free shit.
People like copies of what your presenting. It gives them something to doodle on, take notes, and perhaps even read later after they get back to their desk, take a #2, or use as bedtime reading. If your presentation is involving some sort of product or new business idea, passing out a free sample or using a prop will always win over your audience. People love free stuff. You could give out a free diaper full of hot shit and someone in the room will thank you for it when all is said and done.


#9
Avoid the "Questions???" slide.


Please don't throw in the inevitable "Questions" slide at the end. And don't use that slide along with asking, "Sooooo, anyyyyyyy quuuuuuuuestiooooooons?" Just ask for questions at the end. People will let you know if they have anything they want answered.

#10
Have a backup plan.


Find out what the environment consists of in regard to where you will be presenting. Email the PowerPoint to yourself, save it on a flash drive, print out copies of the slides for everyone, know how to operate the technology involved in presenting all of your hard work, and have a Plan B and Plan C in case our friend Murphy's Law decides to show up. Believe me, he will.

Happy PowerPointing!

Jan 18, 2010



Just got the new Rob Zombie CD - Hellbilly Deluxe 2: Noble Jackals, Penny Dreadfuls and the Systematic Dehumanization of Cool. Total kick ass.

Track List:
"Jesus Frankenstein"
"Sick Bubble-Gum"
"What?"
"Mars Needs Women"
"Werewolf, Baby"
"Virgin Witch"
"Death and Destiny Inside the Dream Factory"
"Burn"
"Cease to Exist"
"Werewolf Women of the SS"
"The Man Who Laughs"

Released: February 2, 2010
Recorded: Late 2008
Label: Roadrunner



Jan 17, 2010

LT Style Electric Glide

Brett Favre and the Vikings beat "America's Team." Now it's LT's turn. Amazing.


Time for the Super Chargers to kick some ass! NING NING NING

Jan 15, 2010

Bowling Suckage Science Experiment




Tonight I'm going to conduct a little scientific research while I prove to the world how much I suck at bowling. Bust out your 1996 Science Fair hats, kids.

Question: Do I bowl better sober or intoxicated?

Background Research: Some things in life, such as beer pong, flip cup, corn hole, etc., are done better drunk than beer-less.

Hyothesis: If I drink a few beers, then achieving a higher bowling score than while bowling sober will happen.

Test with an Experiment: I tested this experiment out by bowling a game completely sober and bowling a game while drinking several beers during the course of the game.

Analyze Results/Draw Conclusions: Sober Game = 122. Sauced up game = 77.

Communicate Results: Clearly, I bowled a better game while I was sober and focused on getting the highest score possible. If I would have bowled a third game, I'm pretty sure I would have beat the 122 score, once the booze settled in, but at that point we had to go because the bowling alley was shutting down our lane.

Jan 14, 2010

MORTAL KOMBAT! Blog



Welcome to the Mortal Kombat blog!

I downloaded a new @pp for my iPhone today called [Txt Frm Lst Nght]. It's based off of the popular website, www.textsfromlastnight.com that is composed of hilarious text messages that people received - yep you guessed it - last night. As soon as it finished downloading, I came across this gem of a text:

(541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward


After reading that, I decided I would have to share it with all my loyal readers. Pretty good stuff. I've got a few comments I would like to discuss about this video game/movie that we all hold near and dear to our hearts.

#1
First, to set the mood, here is a 16 million+ view Youtube video about this evening's topic:



#2
Kano is white. He is not black. Sorry Brett.




#3
If I was a character in Mortal Kombat, my name would be Atlas, the Bear Jew. My special power would be hitting people with my meatpaws. I would also be able to throw harpoons at them from time to time. My finishing move would be smashing my opponents head. You can get a sample of it here: